Your 2009 Cubs nicknames
Note from Kurt: I'm strapping on my red scarf and hijacking this post. Hope Rob doesn't mind. I'm a huge nickname enthusiest and will be adding my own spin to Rob's post ... but I want to make clear in advance that I know my nicknames suck
Nicknames have always been kind of a "thing" with me. For those of you who have seen "I Love You Man", you were able to see firsthand the squirminess and discomfort that ensues when good, proper nicknames are not established and then used. (For reference, Paul Rudd keeps saying squirmy, uncomfortable things to Jason Siegel, like when he leaves, instead of saying "Peace, Homey", he says things like "slashyalates, Jer-blum").
Nicknames are never self-imposed, unless of course yer like 7 foot 2, weigh 500 pounds, can rip down a skyscraper with a dunk and have the IQ of raisin toast. Some nicknames are truly inspired, catch fire quickly, and are immediately accessible to all, like, say, The Riot. Other men cannot be pinned down by simply one name, like Kosuke Fukudome. Good lord, nearly ANYTHING can be used and be found acceptable. Although his teammates prefer Fukie, as most roving bands of professional athletes might - shorten the last name and add the "-ie" suffix. There is no need to achieve convergence when it comes to the Fooker.
Some of the other ones, like for instance Alfonso Soriano and Mike Fontenot (see the ShoutBox) need to be standardized on this site, and like all good standards should follow industry guidelines. I think we can consider Baseball Reference as the receptacle for Baseball's Best Practices when it comes to nicknames, and if they use one, it should be considered gospel.
A brief consultation with BR uncovers the following:
Geovany Soto - OPEN
Kurt sez: Geo works fine. Sometimes simple is just the best.
Derrek Lee - D-Lee (I prefer DP-Lee, but rules are rules)
Ryan Theriot - OPEN, but The Riot is absolutely sancrosant.
Kurt sez: I always called him the Quiet Theriot, but that requires you to intentionally mispronounce his last name
Aramis Ramirez - OPEN
Kurt sez: A-Ram? The Musketeer? The Sluggin' Cock Fighter?
Alfonso Soriano - OPEN
Kurt sez: Sori, The Fonz. Hey, having "Milton Bradley in RF," maybe it makes sense to have "Sorri" in left...
...well, on second thought, maybe BR sucks, after all. It's easier for me just to list the Cubs who DO have nicknames listed:
Carlos Zambrano - "Big Z" or "El Toro". El Toro???
Kurt sez: I am and always have been a fan of "The Big Moose." I realize that after four years, I'm still the only one who calls him that but it'll catch on someday, dammit!
Lou Piniella - "Sweet Lou"
Milton Bradley - "Trouble"
April Fools on the MB one. Anyway, since BR is of little help to us, I guess we are all going to have to work together to establish a glossary of standard Cubs nicknames.
So please take a minute to add your $0.02 in the comments to this post. Give us your view of a standard-used nickname (ie. "Demps" for Dempster) or your best suggestion (ie. "VagFace" for Reed). Then I'll compile them, ask us to vote on any particular conflicts, and publish the results here in an easily accessible reference link.
If you can point us to a link where a teammate refers to another one by their nickname (for example, Reed Johnson's blog or The Riot's turn with Ask Paul) that would be really constructive, and will probably take precedence to whatever clever witticism we come up with here. BTW: I think the above two links pretty much clinch the fact that Mike Fontenot is simply "Font".