Goatriders of the Apocalypse

I would have been fine with a "Quality Start"....

...I figured Senor Holy Shit Carlos Zambrano was good for about 100 pitches, and then Lou would come take him out. What IF he tried to take him out at that point, which would have been with 2 outs, facing Erstad? Z would have stripped Lou's flesh from his bones with his talons, sucked his marrow out, and wore Lou's skin as a frilly frock on his next trip back to Venezuela. So good times, all around?

Heh. My ass. Today I'm gonna write about God, and Mother Nature, and what the hell did I ever do to any of you to deserve what just went down? (In all honesty, it would have been exceedingly hard for me to attend a Sunday night baseball game in Milwaukee, drive home, then get up at 5 bells to come here today, but...) if it weren't for a lousy 14 dollar "check valve" that my contractor DIDN'T put in my house, my basement would have been dry, I would have been in BeerCity yesterday, and at least the opportunity would've been there for me and Wendy to buy tickets to see the FIRST CUBS NO-HITTER since Christ was a kid.

Dovetailing from my post on Friday, More Good Things happened besides history - the inflamed rotator cuff of our most intimidating pitcher seems to be fine. Our entire ballclub, which as recently as Wednesday morning seemed in freefall, now enjoys a 7-game lead for Home Field Advantage in the NL. When you consider Senor Holy Shit, Harden and Dempster, we have to be the prohibitive Short Series favorites. Throw our #4, Ted "the Cannibal" Lilly into the mix, we are the Long Series favorites, too. Who else has this? Now all Uncle Lou has to do is sit back and be judicious on how often he pitches his starters, uses his pen, and plays his hitters, strike that balance between work and rest, maybe give Dempster a few days of rest, maybe let Marmol try his hand at closing a game or two, and oh yeah, maybe pack Howry on the next scheduled trip to the Space Station. Not to mention that the no-no knocked the Sux (who were sweeping the Tigers) off tWWL's telecast last night! Take a suck of THAT, Ozzie Tourette!

Firstguessing, not secondguessing: I am not applying for my Nostradamus Psychic Friends membership card here, or anything, because over the past 36 years there have been scores of times I thought the time was ripe for a Cubs no-no. But it was clear to me from the first that Houston got pooched up the butt by Bud Lite, and it was obvious to me, to my wife, and anyone else watching this deal that the Asstrolls did NOT want to be there. They arrived in Milwaukee at 2:30 in the afternoon...checked into their hotel, the SAME hotel their opponent was occupying (?!?)...then went directly to the park and, as the "home team", checked into the Visitor's clubhouse. I assume that they had first choice as to what clubhouse they wanted to occupy, and I imagine the Visitor's accomodations at a Miller Park aren't as bad as, say, Beautiful Wrigley Field, but when you understand that major league ballplayers are not all Rhodes Scholars and are notorious creatures of habit, it really is not that surprising that they went out there and played like turds that fell out of a tall cow's butt.

I mean, I love Senor Holy Shit as much as the next man, and he is a very good pitcher, but last night he looked like Nolan Ryan and Mad Dog Maddux rolled up in one. He ain't THAT good, he kept bouncing 50-foot sliders up to the plate. I loved his post-game interview, when he said he kept seeing the scoreboard registering 98, 99 MPH for his pitches, which pumped him up more. Uh, Senor? That particular feature of Miller Park is notoriously inaccurate, you didn't just wake up feeling like the 1998 Kerry Wood. Like I said, I'm sure Senor Holy Shit didn't score a 35 on his ACT's.

The Cubs fan part of me has never felt such dominance. This team looks unstoppable in 7-game series. But just like most of the rest of the free world (and I would post the links as proof, but there's no need, just go to ANY sports-related site) deep down, I feel the Asstrolls are more the victims in this deal than the Cubs are conquerors. I understand the logistics of it all - it's raining seemingly everywhere, the Trop dome is not open today, the Hump dome was not open yesterday (Vikings). So the Beer dome was the only option, when you consider that the douchetube that runs the Asstrolls waited until late Saturday night to concede that it would be impossible to play ball in Houston. He was a greedy bastard, and his players paid for his avarice.

Eh, I just re-read my last sentence, so. Hey, Houston? How DO you like deez nutts? You suck, you're uniforms are ugly, there's gonna be another 25,000 Cubs fans in there again today. Why don't you just take another 10 whiffs and get the hell back home?

I would have been happy with a solid, quality outing. But we got extra gravy, more rolls, and they forgot to charge us for our drinks. BONG! I stole this pic from Desipio, but too damn bad, we all should share more. Love IS in the air...Z and Lou get their luv on

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