Goatriders of the Apocalypse

If the Matt Holliday post tweaked your willie, you'll flip about this one:

or: Zambrano is a friggin' beast, but...

I do not believe this 2009 Cubs roster, as comprised, is going to win the Central Division, let alone a World series.  Jim Hendry needs to obtain some different, more effective talent, and Lou Piniella either a) has to rein in the players he already has, because a few of them are out of control, or b) have Hendry get him some different players that he CAN control.

Ok, here goes:

  • San Diego has Jake Peavy, who will only accept a trade to the Cubs (or Braves), and they want four top prospects for him.
  • The Cubs could not trade for him thus far because they are "between owners" and Hendry and Crane Kenney do not believe they can add Peavy's salary to their existing salary structure.
  • The White Sox think they can add money, though. They tried to get Peavy, dangling at least three prospects (Lance Broadway, Aaron Poreda, and Clayton Richard), and a 4th player was mentioned but never identified. The Padres agreed to the deal, but Peavy invoked his No-Trade protection.
  • The White Sox still claim to need a top-line starter.
  • The Cubs have a top-line starter by the name of Carlos Zambrano (aka El Toro aka The Lawnmower aka Big Z aka "I Hate Gatorade") who claims every spring that he has turned the corner, that he has matured, but he truly hasn't.
  • Lou Piniella might have been able to handle Zambrano ten or fifteen years ago, but he cannot now.  In fact, his inability to do so is officially a DETRIMENT to this ball club.
  • The White Sox have a manager from Venezuela, where Zambrano is from, and if anyone on planet Earth is able to get the drop on Zambrano, mano-y-mano, loco-y-loco, it is Ozzie Guillen
  • Besides, Z claims he grew up a White Sox fan.

Therefore, I officially advocate a three-way-trade, effective immediately:

  • White Sox send San Diego their previous package, including Poreda, Broadway, and Richard
  • Cubs send White Sox Zambrano
  • Padres send Cubs Peavy

No, it doesn't solve our offensive woes, and it does not, stats-wise, strengthen our rotation as much as it would if we could get him while keeping Zambrano.  But leadership-wise, Peavy is a Staff Ace, while Zambrano is too immature to be considered an Ace.  Piniella will have a #1 starter that he can actually control.  More focus on the Cubs team will be on Winning Games and less on Who is Injured or Who is Beating Up the Gatorade Machine and Making an Ass of Himself.  Peavy will be so gatdamn happy to be out of San Diego that I can honestly see him making a Sutcliffe-esque run in the second half, which is at the present, the only chance we have of making postseason play this year.

If this doesn't make China Brown hate me, more than he already does, I don't know this business.

Another CLASSIC!

What an AMAZING trade this would make. I can't decide what would be most amazing about this... that the Cubs would essentially get nothing out of the deal or that the White Sox would somehow be able to trade away Lance Broadway who is not property of the White Sox anymore. That would be quite a trade indeed.

Hey, I just got to the bottom and I see you think I hate you. Man, you've got me all wrong... your posts and thoughts on the Cubs in general are like a dream sequence for me. Each bullet point is its own ".... no he didn't... yes he did!" I adore your posts.

what a sparkplug!

Rob, may or may not have a brain tumor, be bipolar, or both... I'll leave the diagnosis up to the professionals.

You're advocating the Cubs deal ZAMBRANO?!

That's it. Please stay here until the security guard can escort you off the premises of this blog.

(kidding, kidding)

Not only would I make this

Not only would I make this deal in a heartbeat, I'd drive the Big Moose to the airport, escort him to the plane so he doesn't miss it, and wait by baggage claim for Big Jake to arrive.

Just Stupid

Besides the fact that the Sox actually offered 4 players for Peavy, and the fact that Broadway is in the Mets organization now, You really think the White Sox would send that package to SD for Zambrano? Oh wait, Ozzie's Venezuelen, so of he'd want him. After all, Ozzie has never said anything bad about another Venezuelen (see Magglio Ordonez).

There's nothing more

There's nothing more entertaining than a person who detests an opinion so much that they join a website explicitly to say how stupid they think that opinion is.

Welcome to the site.

trade rumors

This showed up at MLBTradeRumors.com. GROTA got a nod.

The White Sox would have to

The White Sox would have to modify that package slightly; Broadway got traded to the Mets.

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