Goatriders of the Apocalypse

Three perhaps surprising Cubs who are NOT on my Least Favorite List

I forgot to mention yesterday that this particular idea owes something to Bad Kermit's Bottom 126 Cubs list-o-shame, but I think his aim was to journal the Cubs that he thought sucked the worst.  My Least Favorite Cubs all sucked, sure, but there have been many, many Cubs who sucked worse than my Five.  The five are just the ones I hated the worst.

Now, here are three guys that many of you hate, but for one reason or another, I didn't:

- Todd (Turd) Hundley:

Sweaty, drug addled?  Check.  Entitlement based on his daddy's stellar career?  Check.  Remarkably piss-poor performance?  Check.  Whining, finger pointing, excuse-laden, never-my-fault, pouty, unlikable, useless waste of money, oxygen, and carbon footprint?  Oh yes.

My lack of hate for good old #9 and 99 comes from the fact that I expected nothing less out of him the minute they signed him.  This was not a new thing: he did not become a sweaty druggie once he became a Cub.  He came that way: he was as-is.  If you want to blame, and I blame as much as all of you, blame the suckwad that brought him in. 

He was a MacFail deal, right?  Hendry might have had a hand in it, but I think Andy McSweatervest was the guy who brought in the Turd, who paid $7MM * 4 for damaged goods.  That money could have been spent on ANYONE else in the entire league, and we'd been better off.

- LaTroy Hawkins

Only one Cub has ever caused me to steer my car off the road and into a barricade.  This was because he tried to throw to first for the last out of a game, and managed to bounce it off a runner's helmet.  Amongst pathetic closers such as Dave Smith, Rick gAguliera, sMel Rojas, Mitch "Wild Thing" Williams, and Six Fingers Alfonseca, Hawkins was the worst.

One problem: the three years before we signed him, he was the best set-up man in the AL.  The day we signed him, he stated publicly he was NOT here to close games, and was not interested in doing so.

This did not convince Dusty Baker, who kept running his ass out there day after day to close games.  Maybe in Dustbag's world, people don't say what they mean and mean what they say.  Sometimes, Dusty, they do.  I don't care that he was being paid a king's ransom.  Sometimes, when a guy makes the effort to point out that he is a mental midget who lacks the guts to close games, it might be a good idea to take him at his word.

For this, I cannot hate LaTroy Hawkins.  He warned us right up front.

- Milton Bradley

Out of 7 billion people on the face of the earth, 6,999,999,999 of us knew that Don't Wake Daddy was batshit crazy.  Even he, he himself, finally admitted (last year) that he is damaged. 

Only one person alive thought Bradley was OK, and that was the guy who signed him to a $30MM deal. 

That,in and of itself, is a terminable offense. Hendry should have been fired a year ago, no questions asked, do not pass Go, do not collect $200, good bye, good riddance, don't let the door hitcha where the good Lord splitcha, adios, bonjour, auf wiedersein, sayonara.

He was a square peg in a round hole, who if he had any decency or honor whatsoever would have realized he could not possibly hack it in Chicago, but would I turn down 30 million smackeroos? 

No, I wouldn't, so that's why I don't hate the guy.  He is what he is.

Did you seriously hit a

Did you seriously hit a barricade? I was fortunate enough not to be driving at the time; I actually saw it on TV, and thus will forever have the image of that play burned into my brain for as long as I live.

...No, but seriously, did you hit a barricade? I would not blame you. At all.

I-88

between Naperville Rd and Winfield Rd

I smacked an orange sand-filled and scraped along the concrete dividers.

Chicago Tribune's Chicago's Best Blogs award