Consider this a clarification, as well as a field bible for when you encounter one of several scrappy white people.

MARK DEROSA

Mark DeRosa's versatility isn't overrated, but it is overemphasized - the fact that he can float around the diamond as well as he does is a neat trick, but it's not half as important as the fact that he's essentially an average second baseman on a team that lacks an acceptable alternative. His absence from the middle infield makes the team noticably weaker whenever it occurs.

MATT MURTON

Murton is a average corner fielder who often gets mistaken for less because most of his value comes from his on-base percentage at a position where most people look for slugging. His value seemed to hit bottom when the Cubs acquired Soriano and Fukudome, making him mostly irrelevant, only to get lower when the Cubs signed Johnson and probably has now truly reached bottom when the Cubs made it clear that they would rather play a Cedeno/Fontenot platoon with Soriano out of the lineup than give Murton playing time. The club won't play him and probably can't trade him for value now.

REED JOHNSON

As with many scrappy ballplayers, Johnson inspires a multitude of nicknames; my personal preference is for "The Imperial," due to the fact that he has an imperial beard. Your millage may vary.

Throughout his career, Johnson has struggled a bit against right-handed pitching, but can destroy left-handed pitching. He's a very solid fourth/platoon outfielder type - plays outstanding defense in the corners and average defense in center, can hit a bit. The danger comes when he's mistaken for a starting outfielder against right-handed pitching.

MIKE FONTENOT

Fontenot is a (barely) above replacement level second baseman - he seems to be a bit overvalued due to his hot start out of the gates when he was called up last season and the fact that offense is easier to evaluate than defense. He's not an answer as a full-time starter for a team with ambitions to contend, and he lacks the versatility to be a valuable bench player - he only plays one position defensively, doesn't play it particularly well, isn't an exceptional baserunner and doesn't offer much value as a pinch hitter. His best value to the club is probably to sit around AAA and wait for an injury to DeRosa, and even then a club that likes to stockpile as many middle infielders as the Cubs do probably should - and I think do - have better alternatives.

RYAN THERIOT

Ryan Theriot is a replacement level shortstop who has value as a bench player - mostly in the role of late-inning defensive replacement and pinch runner - who is wildly miscast as a starter due to his anemic offensive production. He does, however, sell t-shirts. Most of his value comes from the fact that he's a fan favorite - from a value perspective he offers little more offensively than Neifi Perez without Neifi's defensive value.