Overview
Well it’s finally here. The end of the season.

As tough as this season as been on some of us, I’m personally not looking forward to the winter. Do I want to see the Cubs win? Of course, but baseball is baseball. It’s a great game that people all across the country can enjoy the same way. The weather is hot, the beers are cold, and the game is there for us almost everyday from April through September. I am going to miss it.

At the expense of getting sappy, it is time for this dogshitary of a season to end. We might not be able to watch baseball until the snow melts, but there will be plenty to talk about over the coming months.

But first, we have the D-Backs…

The Matchups
October 2nd - Billy Buckner vs. Tom Gorzelanny
Tommy GoGo will be on the team Opening Day next year, but it’s just a matter of determining his role at this point. I’d say No. 5 starting spot is his job to lose at this point.

October 3rd - Daniel Cabrera vs. Randy Wells
Wells has fallen apart lately, and understandably so. Wells has never pitched this many innings in a season and there is no doubt in my mind fatigue is a factor. I’m just glad he’s having his growing pains now rather than during a season when it matters.

October 4th - Doug Davis vs. Ryan Dempster
The man who leads this team in innings pitched will finish off the 2009 season for us. I think Dempster learned a little something about conditioning this season, but we also have learned something about Dempster: He’s not a reliable top of the rotation pitcher.

Conclusion
I’ll admit that I was filled with optimism going into this season, too much for my liking actually. Outside of a Milton Bradley trade and perhaps a new addition to the middle of the infield, you’re already looking at your 2010 Cubs.

Will we be as optimistic next March as we were in the last one? I doubt it, but just keep this in mind folks: Almost every player on this team played below their career averages and preseason projections. Maybe we would like to place the blame on some combination injury, illness, pot, batshit craziness, or apathy, but I see the 2009 season as being the exception rather than the rule.

Baseball is a game of numbers. These numbers have been proven over and over again. For a whole team (outside of Derrek Lee) to play this bad all in the same season is…well…utterly ridiculous.

I’m not saying the team is cursed or that the manager needs to be fired or that a clubhouse cancer needs to be eradicated. No one reason (or combination of reasons) for failure exists. Naturally we want to find an answer, but the answer is simple: statistical anomaly.

I know the Cubs are far from perfect, but the window is still open and will still be open for a few years. You don’t have to be optimistic going into next season, but don’t expect such a subpar result either. Just saying.

Go Cubs. The end.

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Overview
Fall Training enters its final week starting with a four-game set against the 4A Pirates. Day games, doubleheaders, and beating up on the Pirates. You got to love it.

Some guys need this week to make a statement about where they belong next season. Some guys need this week so their manager remembers their name come March. Some guys need this week just so they can save whatever dignity they have left (Single-digit wins for Zambrano? Seriously?).

But for us fans, we need this week just to have some effing closure. Many of us came to terms with the crappiness of this team months ago, but now we need a sign that a Milton Bradley-free 2010 Cubs team will give us something to look forward to on the other side of a bitter winter.

And if the Cubs can’t do well against teams like the Pirates and D-Backs…

The Matchups
September 29th – Kevin Hart vs. Ryan Dempster
Dempster has turned what looked like a disaster of a season into a something decent. His 3.68 ERA isn’t awful, but I think we can all agree that this isn’t the same pitcher we saw in 2008. Demp will be aiming to get to 200 innings pitched on the season. Hopefully he will be better conditioned for next season so he can do it again...but with a little thing I like to call "success."

September 30th – Charlie Morton vs. Ted Lilly (Game 1)
TRL has been by boy this year for one reason and one reason only: he does not walk batters. In his last start against the Cards, Lilly didn’t walk a single batter over 7 2/3 innings. That was the 10th time he has done that this season. 10th! Is there any wonder why he is the ace of this staff?

September 30th – Jeff Karstens vs. Calros Zambrano (Game 2)
It might have been a few months late, but Zambrano finally pitched like a guy earning big money in his last start. He went the distance and shut out the Giants (a team that had something to play for) on the road. That’s what an ace does. Too bad that will never be Big Z.

September 31st – Paul Maholm vs. Tom Gorzelanny
This will most likely be Tommy GoGo’s last start of the season. Based on his play since joining the Cubs, I would say Gorzo has probably earned the fifth spot in the rotation next season. Then again, who knows what’s going to happen with Harden, the Shark, and Zambrano. Either way, Gorzelanny will be on the 2010 roster.

Conclusion
Dear Cubs,

We have five months of freezing weather ahead of us. Please give me something to dream about while hibernating. Don’t suck. Thank you in advance.

Go Cubs,
Kyle

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Overview
The season is winding down and the Cubs are on the road against one of the toughest teams in the west.  But even the Giants look as if they are not playoff bound.  Still, San Fran will be playing their asses off in this series, and if they have any pride the Cubs will be playing the role of spoiler.  As Dusty would say, "you gotta respect the game enough to try to win, dude." 

That Dusty was always one righteous dude. 

Match-Ups
Thursday, September 24th - Ryan Dempster vs. Bad Brad Penny

Clownsevelt has won managed to win his 10 games.  So has Penny, who's been a lot worse.  Considering who the Giants are turning to later in the series, if the Cubs want to even have a chance for a split this is a must-win game.

Friday, September 25th - Carlos Zambrano vs. Tim Lincecum

The Big Moosey looks like he's going to fall short of 10 wins this year.  As Rob would point out, it's not what you'd expect from an ace.  As I like to point out, from 1993 until 1996, Roger Clemens was a shell of himself, struggling to stay healthy, to pitch effectively, and to be the Ace everybody thought he was.  In other words, Carlos is a shell of himself this year, but that doesn't mean he won't be the best pitcher on the team next year.  He has my support and confidence, so long as the journos fail to chase him out of town.

Saturday, September 26th - Tom Gorzelanny vs. Barry Zito

One's a lefty who lost his zip (but has put up half-decent numbers).  The other's a lefty with unmet potential.  What happens in this game is a total toss-up, but if Gorzo wants to have a shot at starting with the Cubs in '09 then he must know he's under the microscope on Saturday.

Sunday, September 27th - Ted Lilly vs. Matt Cain

I love Ted Lilly with the fervor of a cupid-shot ass monkey (whatever that means), but not even I think he's favored to beat Cain.  Still, stranger things have happened, like that time I came up with the cupid-shot ass monkey metaphor.  What was I thinking?

Conclusions
Who the hell knows?  The Cubs are toast, but have been playing better knowing that Milton Douchely is gone.  Or maybe that's a coincidence.  Either way, they're playing spoiler and will try to bust some San Francisco ass.

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Overview
Milton Bradley is suspended, Alfonso Soriano is hurt, and Kevin Gregg is a deadman walking. The three scapegoats of the season all seem to be getting their just desserts. Unfortunately, we are the ones that have to eat the crapcake they baked for us over these last 15 games.

Now we can sit here and eat it while trying to find something good to say about 2009, or we can start thinking about next season. It is usually at this point that I give you the matchups and what they mean for the upcoming series. However, I’ve decided to give a little analysis of where these starters are going to end up next season.
 
Sans Brewers pitchers of course. No one cares about Wisconsin.

The Matchups
September 21st - Tom Gorzelanny vs. Braden Looper
Tommy GoGo doesn’t have the kind of stuff the guy (Rich Harden) he is replacing today, but he might be just non-crappy enough to take Harden’s spot for 2010. What you lose in Harden (strikeouts, untapped potential) is replaced by a quality in Gorzelanny (reliability, durability) that Harden doesn’t have. GoGo is a fifth starter at best, but the Cubs could do worse next year.

September 22nd - Randy Wells vs. Dave Bush
Wells has fallen off these last few weeks (he has only won two games since August 14), but we can all agree that Randy has pitched his way into next season’s starting rotation. Depending on what happens with Zambrano, Wells will most likely be the future No. 4 guy. I personally think he deserves to be No. 3, but there is a pecking order and seniority blah blah blah.

September 23rd - Ted Lilly vs, Chris Narveson
He leads the team in wins (12). He has the lowest ERA (3.02) of all the starters. He has pitched more innings (170.0) than anyone not named Ryan Dempster. Ted Lilly did not pitch in the 2008 playoffs, nor was he the Opening Day starter of 2009, but he is the ace of this staff. Lou might refuse to give TRL the official title, but everyone knows it. He probably won’t be the No. 1 guy next season either, but then again, there have been greater tragedies in the world.

Conclusion
We can all agree these remaining games are early tryouts. Some guys have already made it (Lee, Ramirez) and some are playing a spot next season (Fox, Gorzelanny). But there is also some pride involved here. The friggin Brewers are only 2.5 games behind the Cubs. That team has sucked all year and I refuse to let them finish in second place.

Yeah, it doesn’t matter. I know. But do you know what does matter? The continued suppression of all things Wisconsin by the far superior people of Illinois.

Go Cubs.

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Ah yes, the Cubs and Cardinals.  The bitterest of rivals.  Their fans hate -- and will occasionally fight -- each other.  These two teams have held a stranglehold on the NL Central for most of this decade, with the '06 World Champion Cardinals coming out ahead. 

Rather than make a traditional Series Preview, I thought I'd do one better ... here's a series of many of the Cardinals photoshops we've done through the years.  In theory, you'll be able to tell the older from the newer based on how much they suck.

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Overview
A few months ago this four-game series looked like a season-defining moment. Now it’s just an attempt by two meh-ish to become eh-ish teams. How disappointing. Especially since I have tickets for one of these games. Damn September.

Anyway, it’s been a season of disappointment for both teams, so which one of them will age through the twilight of the season gracefully and which one will crap their pants hysterically?

Let’s find out.

The Matchups
September 14th - Jeff Suppan vs. Ryan Dempster
Suppan has had a tough season. More specifically he has had a tough three months. Suppan has only won one start since June 12. This is probably because he has given up more hits (86) than innings pitched (65) in that time period. Just sayin’.

Believe it or not, Dempster is pitching for his 10th win of the season. It seems almost as improbable as Taylor Swift winning Female Music Video of the year, but it’s going to happen. Did you hear that Kayne West? It’s going to happen.

September 15th - Yovani Gallarado vs. Carlos Zambrano
Two aces, two average records, two decent ERAs. While both Gallarado (12-11, 3.59) and Zambrano (8-6, 3.77) don’t have the worst numbers in the world, neither is throwing like an ace should throw. Let’s see someone earn his paycheck…preferably not the guy from Milwaukee.

September 16th - Braden Looper vs. Rich Harden
Despite a 4.77 ERA, Looper has a 12-6 record on the season. I guess that makes him the ace of the staff. Then again, ever since Sabathia and Sheets left, the word “ace” has been used rather liberally with the Brewers.

Despite how well Harden has been pitching since the All-Star Break, his last start says a lot about why the Cubs might not bring him back next season. Although he only gave up two hits and one earned run while striking out six, he also walked five batters and threw 103 pitches in only four innings. Harden needs to show he can be more efficient.

September 17th - Dave Bush vs. Randy Wells
Bush has pitched well in his last two starts going seven innings in both contests while only giving up three earned runs combined. He also struck out 11 batters on only 97 pitches in his last start against the D-Backs.

Wells was on the wrong end of some bad defense in his last start, which usually doesn’t bode well for a sinkerball, contact pitcher. Can’t really put the fault on Randy for that one. The last time Wells faced the Brewers was during his 2009 debut on May 8. He pitched five scoreless innings.

Conclusion
It amazes me that a team with so much offensive power as the Brewers have can have such a bad season. Then again, it amazes me that a team with as high a payroll as the Cubs can suck so much.

So I guess all we have left to play for is pride. I don’t want my team to lose to a team from Wisconsin. Wisconsin only exists to serve as a playground for Illinois. I am convinced that everyone who resides in Wisconsin is a hired actor. The place is just a gigantic theme park.

Go Cubs.

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Overview
Why do I love the Cincinnati Reds? Simple friends. They are a team with so much young talent, yet they are being run into the ground by a manager who overuses their arms and refuses to use their skill in the field as long as a subpar veteran is available instead. Life sure must suck in the Queen City. At least they had “Hard Knocks”, right? That show was sweet.

The Cubs have had their fair share cupcakes recently, and this weekend will be no different. Unfortunately, this is all for not as the teams that the Cubs need to catch keep winning (Last 10 games: St. Louis 8-2, Colorado 9-1, Cubs 6-4).

However, the Cubs are in position to offer two scenarios to their bipolar fan base.

For the pessimists, it is over. The Cubs will not catch the Rockies or Cards. It's nearly impossible. Feel free to drown yourself in beer or to thrown on your favorite Bears jersey in preparation of a football-induced hibernation.

For the optimists, the Cubs still have a chance…mathematically speaking. The schedule is loaded with easy W's and it only takes one big winning streak for the Cubs to potentially get back into this at the very last second. Let’s...go…Cubs…(starting slow clap).

Pick your poison Cubs fans. Personally, I prefer to have a few drinks and start yelling at the umpires inappropriately for no reason Rep. Joe Wilson-style.

The Matchups
September 11th – Justin Lehr vs. Rich Harden
Last time the Cubs saw Lehr, he threw a complete game shutout on four hits. Since then, things have been getting worse for Lehr (0, 1, 3, 6, 5, 4…earned runs given up in consecutive starts since August 5). Sounds like a young Reds pitcher to me.

Last time the Reds saw Harden, he threw 6 innings giving up two earned runs in the loss. It wasn’t a bad effort for Rich and he still got 9 strikeouts, so I wouldn’t expect much from a Reds team that lacks real coaching. Let the Hackfest begin.

September 12th – Johnny Cueto vs. Randy Wells
In three starts against the Cubs, Cueto is 1-2 with a 4.45 ERA. In three starts against the Reds, Wells is 2-0 with a 2.70 ERA. Nuff said.

September 13th – Homer Bailey vs. Ted Lilly
Bailey is 3-0 with a 1.67 ERA in his last four starts. Wow-zah. But his name is Homer for crying out loud. Could there be a worse name for pitcher?

Lilly has been a steady beacon of consistency since coming of the DL. He has struck out 78 batters and only walked 15 in his last 92 innings pitched. That’s some serious control brother. His middle name is Roosevelt. Bad ass.

Conclusion
In the immortal words of Chad Ochocinco, “Child, please.”

The Cubs should easily be able to pick up at least two games and continue their quest to a 90-win season. Although they will probably not make the playoffs even if they get there, at least my level of depression will be upgraded from “crippling” to “oppressive.”

Go Cubs...and Braves (playing the Cards) and Padres (playing the Rockies).

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Overview
It's the Cubs against the Pirates ... one team is suckier than we ever imagined they could be, and the other team plays in Pittsburgh.  I'm pretty sure Rob is there for at least some of these games, hopefully he can provide us with some feedback on his experiences as the week progresses.

Match-ups
Ted Lilly vs. Daniel McCutchen
One looks like Bill Murray.  The other has a name that belongs in the wild west.  While Lilly is better than Sheriff McCutchen, it's just been one of those seasons for the Cubs. 

Ryan Dempster vs. Zach Duke
It's the bad luck ace against the guy who, back in Dusty's day, used to dominate the Cubs with a kind of ruthless authority.  It just goes to show how incompetent Dusty was that he couldn't seem to teach his players how to hit lefties.  Seriously.  Brutal.

Carlos Zambrano vs. Kevin Hart
Since joining the Pirates, Kevin Hart is 1-4 with a 6.35 ERA.  In other words, he fits in there perfectly.  Carlos, meanwhile, joins Ryan Dempster in a quest to escape the season with more than 9 wins ... a 10-win year would hardly be something brag about for the multi-kazillionaire ace, but with only about 5 starts to go for him he very well might miss the mark.  Which would be pathetic.

Conclusions
On the road or not, the Cubs should dominate these jabrones.  But will they?  Stay tuned to find out!  (Or, I dunno, maybe you could do something with an actual chance of entertainment and enjoyment, like spending an afternoon catching up with your incontinent elders, or something.)

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Overview
Two percent. That’s the chance coolstandings.com gives the Cubs of making the playoffs. Baseball Prospectus is slightly better at 2.8 percent.

Some you are still holding out hope for a 2ish percent chance at the playoffs, but I’m just hoping Lou will bench Soriano.

How many times is he going to let this guy burn us offensively and defensively before he realizes it’s time to give guys like Jake Fox and Sam Fuld more playing time?

Soriano just can’t play, even worse though, he might not want to play. I’m tired of seeing a bunch of players out there who look like they don’t care. Lou told Milton Bradley earlier in the season he wasn’t a ballplayer. Well why don’t you check out the rest of the team?

Put the guys out there who want to play and who have something to prove. Piniella has already done this with Koyie Hill by banishing Geo Soto to pinewood Purgatory. Now make this a team-wide plan. What do we have to lose at this point?

The Matchups
September 4th – Carlos Zambrano vs. Bobby Parnell
In my humble opinion, no one deserves the boo-treatment this season more than Zambrano. He is being out-pitched by a guy who traditionally can’t stay healthy, a guy who didn’t even pitch in the playoffs last season, and a guy who started the season in Iowa. In his two “starts” since returning from the DL, Z has given up 11 earned runs over 7.2 innings. Ace my ass.

The Cubs faced Bobby Parnell in his last start and roughed the guy up. Nine hits and eight earned runs over 4.2 innings – not pretty. Like I said in the preview for the Mets series at Wrigley, Parnell isn’t that great on the road. Alas, he is less sh!tty at Sh!tty Field. Opponents are hitting .271/.348/.392 at home. Still not very good, but they are a lot better than his road numbers…trust me.

September 5th – Rich Harden vs. Nelson Figueroa (according to the Chicago Tribune)
Harden finally came back down off of his high against the Astros and pitched much more like the Rich Harden we all know and get frustrated with. Although he struck out nine ‘Stros, he also gave up five earned runs and walked six guys. Six! The Mets strikeout the least of all NL teams, so it could be a tough night for a guy who relies so much on K's.

Another game against the Mets and another pitcher the Cubs have faced recently. Figueroa threw a gem at Wrigley going 7 innings and giving up only one run on six hits. He also had 10 strikeouts. But don’t fear the Fig my friends. He sucks it hard in NYC. He has a 6.87 ERA at Citi Field as compared to 1.32 on the road.

September 6th – Randy Wells vs. Mike Pelfrey
See, this is what I’m talking about. Randy Wells has been pitching for his Major League life all season and I think we can all agree he has earned a position in next season’s starting rotation. Randy is a perfect example of the kind of player I want on my Cubs team. I want a guy who wants to win and feels like he has something to prove. Right now, we have too many asshats (Z, Sori, Dempster, Bradley) who are satisfied with their abilities. Wells is a perfect example of a guy who can succeed despite not having the best physical talents or hype.

It looks like Pelfrey is starting to lose his command. In his last two starts, he gave up five walks (both season highs) and lost both games. The Cubs don’t draw a lot of walks or have a particularly high team OBP, but we’ve seen this team display some patience before. Make Pelfrey throw strikes guys. Sometimes the offensive game plan just writes itself.

Conclusion
The Mets are about as bad as a team the Cubs will face for the remainder of the season. While I enjoy watching them beat up a bunch of minor leaguers as much anyone else, this series offers Lou another chance to get a head start on 2010 by finding out who WANTS to play.

Lou might or might not be here next season, but he certainly can have an impact on the team that will take the field come April if he would just pull his head out of Soriano’s ass.

Go Illini…(errr)…Go Bears…(getting closer)…Go Cubs.

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Overview
From Steve Stone’s Twitter page on August 30: “A few cub fans have given up on this years playoffs. Take a close look at the schedule and the rockies current losing streak. Still a chance”

Stoney never struck me as an optimist, but I guess there are still some of you out there that have faith in this team. If believing the Cubs can win the Wild Card (5.5 games back) helps you sleep at night, then by all means continue to believe.

I, on the other hand, am about to walk out the door to watch the Cubs play tonight in what I consider a meaningless game. It will be the first time in 3 years that I have been to a meaningless game at Wrigley Field. One only knows where that can lead...

As I said in my preview for the Mets series, 2010 is already here for me. While it appears that the team is set outside of one or two additions for next season, I have to disagree with Lou’s philosophy in the waning hours of 2009. Instead of playing veterans like Soriano, Fontenot, or even Soto, why not give guys like Fox and Fuld more PT. I’d particularly like to see Fox get some starts at catcher.

Anyway, the AssBlows roll into town for three games. Sweet fancy Moses do I hate these guys. From their team name to their uniforms to Miguel Tejada, I cannot stand Houston’s baseball team. Like the Nationals though, the Astros have a high team batting average (.264, fifth best in the NL), so this could be a tough series for a pitching staff that looks more hittable everyday.

The Matchups
August 31st – Roy Oswalt vs. Rich Harden
Before his last start in St. Louis, Oswalt hadn’t lost a game in more than two months. By "ace" standards, Oswalt isn’t having that great of a season, but Houston’s offense hasn’t exactly been helping him out. He is 0-1 with a 3.68 ERA against the Cubs this season.

After being claimed by Minnesota, Harden remains with the Cubs for the rest of 2009. As such, the Cubs have been enjoying the kind of dominance that only a pitcher auditioning for a new job can provide. Harden gave up two earned runs to the Nationals in his last start and he remains the most dominant pitcher on this staff since the All-Star Break. Harden’s overall ERA now sits at 3.99 while his second half ERA is 1.80.

September 1st – Brian Moehler vs. Randy Wells
MLB.com’s probable pitchers section says Brain Moehler has a “far better” ERA on the road than at home. So a 4.35 ERA is "far better" than a 6.14 ERA? That’s like deciding between being punched in the face or kicked in the nards. They both suck, but I guess one is “far better” than the other.

Everyone was talking about how the Nationals ripped up Zambrano in his first start back from the DL, but Wells didn’t have the best performance against D.C. either (five runs, five hits, four walks). It was the first time a “bad” team had any real success against Wells all season, so one might think that Randy is starting to get tired as the year comes to an end. Can't fault the guy for that. He is given everything the Cubs asked of him and more.

September 2nd – TBA (ESPN says Felipe Paulino) vs. Ted Lilly
In his three starts since coming back from the DL, Lilly has a 1.86 ERA but no wins. Lilly is 3-0 against the Astros this season with a 3.57 ERA. This will be the first time he faces them at Wrigley in 2009. Did I mention his ERA at home is 1.92? “W” time.

Conclusion
I’m going to wrap this up quickly so I can practice my heckling skills on my dog before the game starts. Carlos Lee has no idea what he’s getting himself into tonight.

The Astros are a junk team that the Cubs should be able to win at least two games against starting with tonight. I only worry about the Wells start.

For those of you still holding out hope, the Rockies/Giants (Wildcard leaders) both have the night off while the Braves/Marlins (ahead of the Cubs in the WC standings) play each other. The Cubs have a solid chance of passing either the Braves or the Marlins this series while also picking up some ground on the leaders. Sleep tight optimists.

Go Cubs.

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