Baseball fans are like philosophers.  If you encounter them one at a time, you might learn something interesting about baseball -- much as a philosopher may teach you something interesting about life.  But if you should ever happen to see them grouped up with like-minded folks, then you should run as if your ass was on fire.

Way back in May or June, I began to lose my faith in Lou Piniella and suggested that he wasn't doing his job as a manager and should be fired.  I caught a shit storm over that, because we love Lou, and a manager shouldn't be responsible for his team's success, and what does a manager do anyway?

Seriously, though.  What does a manager do? 

I think that a manager's job should be to keep his team focused, first and foremost.  That means extra practice if necessary, that means recognizing problems early, it means starting the best guy on any given day and writing the best lineup.  It also means knowing when to pull a tired pitcher and which reliever to turn to first -- and last.  If your team is underperforming, it's the manager's job to figure out why.  If a player's attitude is a problem, it's the manager's job to fix the attitude. 

It turns out that a lot of baseball fans disagree with my assessment.  The manager is not responsible for how the batters hit or how the pitchers throw.  But if that's the case -- if he has no impact on, y'know, the baseball game -- then why have a manager?

Maybe major league baseball teams could save a couple million bucks a year by firing the manager and letting the hitting coach handle the hitters -- who starts and the lineups, for instance -- while the pitching coach could handle the pitchers.  It's not a bad idea, right? 

Except if you spend enough time with baseball fans, they'll eventually try to convince you that the coaches don't effect play either.  The best hitting coach in the world won't turn a bad hitter into a good one, after all, right?  And the best players won't listen to the coaches anyway, they're too arrogant. 

So maybe what a team really needs is to fire the coaches too.  Then hire a guy to book the hotels and airplanes, and another guy to handle the luggage.  They could rely on a computer program to determine the best lineups and use the honor system for when starting pitchers need to be pulled.  And maybe that day's starter should get to pick who relieves him.  See that?  More money saved, and the game would be even more in line with the ridiculous, bullshit concept that stats aren't just everything, they're the only thing.  And any right-thinking douchebag would tell you that until Fangraphs finds a way to determine the win shares of a manager, then managers mean nothing.

Or maybe it's like this: good teams can have bad coaches, bad teams can have good coaches.  But there's still a difference between a good coach and a bad one, and often times that difference is huge and essential.  Lest we forget the impact of Dusty Baker.

Last night's game was another one of those playoff-type contests, the kind of game that reveals the true identity of the team you're rooting for.

The offense scratched out a decent number of runs against a solid starter and decent bullpen--and in the postseason, you're sometimes gonna need to find a way to win with just three runs scored. Those runs scored on good situational hitting rather than pure mashing, on a couple of timely singles with runners in scoring position (one of which had been bunted over), along with a sacrifice fly.

Maybe you disagree with me, but in last night's game, I myself can't blame the offense. Happ, Park, Madson and Lidge are all quality (except for maybe the last guy--who we scored on), and we still managed to plate a few runs.

(As for Walker, Eyre, and Durbin, perhaps we should have come through with one run at some point, but then again this game should never have gone into extras. More on that in a minute.)

Then there's the Cubs' pitching, starting with the starting.

If anyone's whining about the two runs Rich Harden allowed, then those people are just plain stoopid. Richie had a no-hitter going for a good while, walked the #8-hitter (kinda dumb but whatever) and then gave up a homer to Jimmy Rollins. Look, the Phillies have a good offense; they're gonna score runs. I'll take 2 ER in 7 innings every time out.

That brings us to the bullpen. And to that end, I've really got just one question.

When your set-up man walks a guy and hits a batter, and the opponent has three consecutive lefties due up, how do you not get your LOOGY warmed up the moment the HBP happens?

Of course, Lou left Carlos in, and we all know what happened.

As for letting Kevin Gregg pitch two innings, if you check his game log on a site like Yahoo! Sports you'll see that he's actually done it before this season. It's hard to blame Lou for trusting Gregg there.

But for pulling Harden on one of his good nights after just 87 pitches? And for leaving Marmol in, against a lefty, after his having demonstrated to everyone everywhere that he didn't have any idea where the ball was going last night? Those decisions are a bit more questionable.

So once again, we see what this team really is: an offense that might score two or three, but certainly not five or six runs against quality pitching; a starting rotation with some great arms; a bullpen with some questionable ones; and a manager that doesn't know how to manage those relievers.

We're running out of time here, guys.

Go Cubs.

Lou Pinella admitted that he smoked pot.  Once.  

No big deal really, as a lot of people have tried it.  I did too in college...wasn't a fan.

But what cracks me up is that back when Sammy was linked to have tested positive for PED's back in 2003, which means steroids, Pinella said the following:  "I wouldn't know the difference between a reefer and a steroid."

Well, technically, since Lou has now admitted that he knew what a reefer is, shouldn't he know the difference between a reefer and a steroid?

When he said that comment last week, I told a friend, jokingly, that Lou had better not have tried pot, otherwise some smart aleck might bring this up one day.  I just didn't know I would be that smart aleck  ;)

First, the back-story:

Way back on April 23rd, I wrote an article titled "The Litany Against Lou Piniella."  The summarization of this letter was that, because of his choice in batting order and his blunders with the bullpen, Piniella was to be on our Not to be Trusted list.  I concluded the article with this:

Therefore, Mr. Piniella, the Goat Riders of the Apocalypse can no longer endorse you as the manager of the Chicago Cubs.  We will question your every move, scrutinize your every mistake, and shout loudly to the heavens your every idiotic blunder. 

But I most say, sir, that it is not yet too late.  We do not hate you, nor do we wish to see you fired.  We believe that - like Saddam in the South Park movie - you can change.  We may still choose to support you at a later date.  Or we may take the next step and demand that you be let out to pasture before your senior moments cost the Cubs a pennant.

April the 24th was practically two whole months ago!  All sorts of crazy crap can happen in two months of baseball!   

Less than a week later I posted my first of several roster-fixing articles.

Yesterday, I posted an image that caused quite a ruckus.  The implication of my harmless photoshop?  Fire Lou Piniella.  That's when STUFF EXPLODED!  HOLY CRAP!!

So, fine, okay, forget it.  Let's try this revised image instead:

See?  Everybody happy now?  It says don't axe Lou! 

Here's the thing.  Any Cub fan who says that a manager's impact is minimal has a short memory.  (In fact, maybe you should go get checked up ... Dusty's reign wasn't that long ago, dude.)

The manager writes the lineup.  And whether he bats Corey Patterson and Neifi Perez ahead of Derrek Lee or he bats Soriano leadoff, that sort of thing impacts how many runs a team scores each game.  Maybe it's minimal, but have you seen the minimal amount of offense the Cubs are producing? 

If I was the manager of the Cubs I would be entering the "contact a voodoo witch doctor" stage of the season.  I'd be calling in the hypnotists.  I'd start plying my opponents with booze and whores.  Lou Piniella has gone the route of leaving Soriano in leadoff and alternating between Lee and Bradley at 3rd and cleanup.

The manager -- I know, this one will blow your mind -- has some degree of say-so about the 25-man roster.  And a 25-man roster with your only backup third baseman being your starting second baseman coupled with an 8 man bullpen mixed in with your only backup right fielder being a first baseman kind of leaves me sick to my stomach. 

Why this hasn't been asked more often befuddles me but is it possible that the team's offensive troubles might be related to the lack of available hitters on the roster at any given time?  Just saying.

The manager is responsible for keeping his players focused and driven.  A common comment I've come across consistently ... uh, conclave my concise collateral ... (asenine alliteration)

Ahem.  Sorry about that.  People like to correctly point out that the manager doesn't weild a bat (unless he's knocking heads in the clubhouse after games) and can't really help it if his team fails to even remotely perform.  But have we already forgotten that over the span of about a week we witnessed the meltdowns of Dempster, Lilly, and Zambrano which fell hot on the heels of Milton Bradley's journey through Crazy Land? 

Again, memory loss much?  Wasn't it just 2004 when the last "most talented Cubs team we've ever seen" self-destructed in a cloud of injuries and player meltdowns as Dusty adapted an "us v. them" mentality that extended to Moises Alou and Kent Mercker threatening the broadcast team in the booth?  If Lou Piniella isn't responsible for, you know, managing his players then who the hell is? 

At this stage I am awed by the support Lou is receiving from Cub fans.  He is seemingly loved unconditionally.  He's the teddy bear of baseball with those cute button eyes who makes that notoriously loud farting sound when hugged ... yep, that's our Lou. 

So forget it.  Forget I suggested the Cubs fire him.  But all I know is that, historically, teams that have dramatically underperformed have turned it around when new managers are brought in mid-season.  Just ask the hated '03 Marlins or, for that matter, the '09 Rockies.

Still, accountability needs to occur here.  Jim Hendry needs to man up.  It is inexcusable that the team's only off-season option to play backup third base was a concussion victim who couldn't tie his own shoelaces without barfing.  Likewise, Neal Cotts as the only lefty out of the pen?  Who the hell thought that was a winning plan?

At the same time, Lou has lost me now and forever.  You won't read the words "fire Lou" consecutively on this website again, at least not written by me, but if this season turns into the turd continent it appears to be becoming, just remember where you read it first.  Last year was his year.  This year he's passed his expiration date.  I say again then that if the Cubs win anything it will be in spite of him -- and Jim Hendry for that matter.

But seriously -- does he have to kill your kittens or something? 

A manager should not be judged by how he looks when the team is winning.  Even the worst get to the Series -- Dusty Baker almost did it in back-to-back years.  No, a manager should be judged by what he does when things aren't working out, when losing is the norm.

Can somebody -- anybody -- tell me what Lou Piniella is doing to fix this mess?  Jason?  I know you and Leah are as pissed about the "fire Lou" thing as anybody ... what's he doing right now that deserves my support? 

And if it's true that a manager has little-to-no impact on how a team performs, then why have one to begin with?  Cut costs, fire the guy -- or never hire him to begin with, and spend the extra money on another player.

A question I've been pondering lately: how many screw-ups can you get away with at your job before you're finally escorted from the building?  At 1060 West, the answer is many.  Hell, Dusty Baker couldn't get himself fired.  He could have streaked the field, punched out the third base umpire, dry humped the left field foul pole, and finally be taken down with both middle fingers extended and it seems as if he would have been destined to finish out his contract.

I'd say we'll all agree that Lou Piniella has done a damn sight better than Dusty.  For one thing he's only rarely started Aaron Miles.  If Baker was running the team, the Suckiest Switch Hitter in Baseball would've been playing every single day.  But this is like comparing your job performance with the guy you replaced, who happened to get fired after he got caught taking a crap in the boss's chair.  It's a pointless comparrison.  Terry Schivo could have outmanaged Dusty Baker; that wouldn't have made her a good manager.  So maybe we should stop with the comparrisons and instead consider the following:

Lou Piniella bats Alfonso Soriano lead-off.  Is the Fonz a prima-donna?  If he is, then he's the oddest I've ever seen.  He doesn't pout, he doesn't complain, he simply stops producing when a change is forced upon him.  Except does he?  Really?  In baseball we are taught not to obsess over the small sample size.  What evidence do we have that Soriano "stops producing" when he bats other than lead-off?  A .153 AVG in the #3 spot in 72 at bats in 2006?  That's it? 

The crime isn't Soriano's imaginary attitude, the crime is that Piniella lets him bat leadoff despite the fact that he's better suited to bat cleanup or 5th.  The crime isn't that Soriano isn't able to change his approach to be a more traditional leadoff man, the crime is that Lou has left him there this year despite his .216 AVG in the month of May and .220 AVG so far in June.  For God's sake, drop him in the lineup already!  You wonder why the Cubs have had an anemic offense in May, maybe it has something to do with Piniella trotting out a guy with an absolutely crappy-since-the-end-of-April OBP as the first batter every game!  C'mon already!

Lou Piniella is at least partially responsible for the mental fundamentals and bad attitudes we've seen.  Don't get me wrong.  I don't really think a good manager can guide a bad team into the playoffs, but he does make some significant differences on a team.  Much as Dusty drove a talented Cubs team into the dirt in 2004, we have seen zero evidence that Lou is taking steps -- aside perhaps from dishing out half-hearted scoldings -- to shore up this team's defensive problems.  Nor have we seen Lou take control of his clubhouse.  How many violent, idiotic outbursts do the Cubs need to have before Piniella lays down the law? 

Lou needs to do something!  Make these dopes take extra fielding practice if they can't put their gloves on the ball!  Make Soriano use both hands when he handles a fly ball, ban that ridiculous hop, and for gawd's sake prep the pitchers for base stealers and the hitters for breaking balls!  How hard is it to do this?

Lou Piniella and Larry Rothschild are killing the Cubs' bullpen.  If you think Lou Piniella has any idea how to manage a bullpen then you are half way toward being diagnosed as crazy.  He doesn't have the patience to force his relievers to work their way through their problems.  Instead he runs out and yanks them the first time they fail to do their job.  How hard would your job be if you knew that you'd get yanked after the first mistake?  And on top of that, if a pitcher actually does a good job Lou will ride him into the dirt.  You will never convince me that Carlos Marmol hasn't been damaged by his excessive use from Piniella in '07 and especially '08.

Not to mention that either the entire bullpen has lost the ability to throw strikes or Lou and Larry have some kind of stupid approach toward pitching in the late innings.  I'm not sure if every single Cubs reliever is being told to pitch around their opponents, but even if they're not maybe Lou and Larry can step up and emphasize throwing strikes and challenging hitters a little more.

Lou Piniella can't manage in the playoffs.  I won't blame Lou for past seasons that I didn't see.  But it is true that since his first trip to the playoffs -- when he won the World Series with the Reds -- Lou's playoff record is 15-25.  He even managed to not win the World Series -- or even get there! -- with a 116 win team!  But forget all that. 

Instead I defer to the choices we saw him make in 2007 and 2008.  Maybe the players were "tight."  Maybe the fans were too tough on the team.  Or maybe Lou made blundering pitching decisions and stupid roster choices the last two Octobers.  Maybe it's not just the players who over-think the playoffs, but Lou as well.

Lou Piniella is not Moses either.  Fine.  We'll revisit the first thing I wrote.  He's better than Dusty Baker.  But I truly believe that if the Cubs reach the World Series and win it it will have little-to-nothing to do with Lou Piniella.  And if this year is another one of those failures, if the Cubs -- as talented as they are -- cannot even reach the playoffs, then Lou needs to go.  I don't care if they win 98 games and miss the playoffs or 68 games, the Cubs need to be a little tougher on their managers.  After all, as another Cubs manager once said ... nice guys finish last.  And maybe Lou's not a "nice guy" but he may be too old and too tired to finish first.

I had something ready to go for the Shout Box after the 6th inning. I was about to say, "Apologies for the jinx, but we should win every game in which we have a lead of more than 3 runs thru 6."

I didn't say it, because I didn't think you could apologize a jinx away. As it turns out, the Cubs didn't need my help in giving this one away.

You know what? We damn well SHOULD win every one of those games. We have guys in the 'pen capable of getting six outs when working with that sort of margin.

We got EVERYTHING we could ask for from this team: seven strong innings from our young starter Randy Wells (he's ACES, isn't he?); home runs from two of our veterans; five runs total from our occasionally inept, consistently inconsistent offense.

We got EVERYTHING--except six outs from a 'pen given a five-run lead.

Whether Marmol stays in the set-up role and Gregg keeps closing, or Lou changes the order in which they're brought out, the fact is, we're going to need BOTH Marmol AND Gregg  to pitch a heckuvalot better in the near future if this team's gonna start winning consistently at any point.

Unfortunately for tonight, the result looks like another variation on a common theme from the 2009 season thus far.

Just a few weeks ago, the offense was the problem. So of course it makes sense that, just as the bats start to look like they're getting hot (aside from Soto, who had his bat taken out of his hands at a pivotal point in the game), this happens.

Oh yeah, and "Don't Wake Daddy" (so named because he'll probably pull something if you startle him) strained his calf running out a grounder.

I guess we should try to end on a positive note. Umm... Randy Wells is awesome? Seriously, Wells just keeps rolling. He deserves a ton of credit for giving this team a chance to win each night he's started. I look forward to his next start. Let's get him an effing win sometime soon, huh?

...Go Cubs?

Guh.

NO, NO, NO, no, no!!  You're all doing it all wrong!!!

So, how are you all enjoying your Memorial Day weekend so far?  (For Canucks such as Kurt, the fourth weekend in May here in America is set aside for...)  Ok, Kurt is actually here somewhere in the lower 48, and of course he grew up in New York, and that's probably the last attempt at humor from me for the rest of this post, because this shit just ain't working.  I came out here after the first 20 games, I think we were 11-9, and I pointed out that Geo Soto was fat and sassy, that Milton Bradley completely had his head stuck up his ass, and that Derrek Lee's best days are absolutely behind him, and you all flamed me up one side and down the other, leaving me with a nice charred crust with very little pink in the middle, because by gawd, it's only TWENTY games, give guys a chance, for cripes sake!!

Now, it's forty games in, we're 21-19, which means we've played .500 ball since that last post.  I did what you said, I gave them a chance to work things out, and what's happened since? 

• Geo Soto still ain't hit dick
• Milton Bradley is still pressing
• Derrek Lee is not only still struggling, but he's now doing it in the cleanup spot
• and, now, we've exposed Mike Fontenot for what HE is, useful as a backup, but not capable of hitting on an everyday basis
• and, as an added bonus, Ryan Theriot has gotten away from what HE does best (go to right field) and he's swinging for the fences, with the predictable result of a plummeting batting average, on-base percentage, and overall usefulness
• and, of course, Aramis Ramirez' shoulder is still fusing itself back into one piece
• and, we now have not one, but two useless utility men burning at-bats and butchering plays in the field.  Sometimes, the Orioles aren't stupid, and I know pretty much the Cardinals aren't.

  But what worries me the most is looking at Lou Piniella night after night.  There is a noticeable cognitive difference in him from 2007 to today.  His job is stressful - particularly when he has come so close twice, and have it all slip away so suddenly and completely.  This job turns people.  When Dusty Baker hit town, he was all California Cool.  By his last year, he spoke and acted like someone was spiking him in the groin.  When Don Baylor hit town, he was all New Age Enthusiasm.  By his last year, he spoke and acted like someone was spiking him in the groin.  When Jim Riggleman hit town, he acted like the slimy horndog he was.  By his last year, he spoke and acted like someone was spiking him in the groin, which was probably somewhat based in reality, considering his typical nighttime activities.  (When he and Mark Grace left town, it left a lot of dental hygenists and flight attendants in their mid-30s unfulfilled)

  Now, Lou don't talk like he's in pain, but I have talked to people trained in diagnosing dementia, and they notice how he can't seem to put a coherent sentence together when he is asked a question.  He is probably the most confused man in Chicago presently, and not only does that explain why Neal Cotts still has a job, it doesn't bode well for the immediate future of the Cubs.  I have backed this man since day one, but I can no longer. 

  Hendry ain't gonna fire him, no way.  But I don't believe Lou has an answer for 2009, and in the meantime, we are wasting some decent-to-good starting pitching.   Man, I still think getting Jake Peavy would send a message, but Adrian Gonzalez would look a HELL of a lot better in pinstripes.  Too bad he ain't available...

Let's see if I've got this straight.  At this moment, the Cubs have on their 25 roster 12 pitchers and 13 fielders.

Of those 12 pitchers, 7 are relievers.  Of those 7 relievers, 1 is a Rule V pick and 1 is a LHP.

Of those 13 fielders, there are 2 catchers, 2 1B (one of whom can theoretically play RF and LF), 2 2B (one who plays third, one who plays shortstop), 1 SS, 1 3B, 2 LF (one who plays CF), 2 CF (one who can play all other outfield positions) and 1 RF.

At the moment, the following players are hurt: Derrek Lee (stiff neck), Aramis Ramirez (sore leg), Milton Bradley (sore groin), Carlos Marmol (sore leg), Geovany Soto (sore shoulder in my opinion).

That means the Cubs effectively have 2 catchers (Soto, Three Finger), 1 first baseman (Hoffpauir), 1 second baseman (Miles), 1 shortstop (Theriot), 1 third baseman (Fontenot), 2 left fielders (Soriano, Gathright), 1 center fielder (Johnson), and 1 right fielder (Fukudome). 

This.  Is. Not.  GOOD. 

But worse than this current situation of gum and twine is the fact that even if everybody is healthy they're still dangerously thin due to Lou's insistance of keeping 7 relievers and a backup first baseman.  We've seen already just how easy it is for the Cubs to come undone by a few troublesome injuries.  Therefore I am going to propose the following simple moves that the Cubs can take to rectify their current situation. 

Round One: Disabled List Roll Call

• Place the following players on the DL: Milton Bradley, Geovany Soto, Carlos Marmol.  Let's be honest.  Bradley's a waste right now.  Geo Soto has something wrong.  Maybe a trip to the DL will help him straighten out his problems.  And Marmol might be ok and not needing a trip to the DL, but better safe than sorry with your best arm out of the pen.
• I'd replace my DL'd Cubs with the following 3 players:

  IF Bobby Scales - One of my favorite players from Spring Training, Scales has started out hot in Iowa batting .328 in 67 at bats.  He'd be the eventual equivilent replacement of Joey Gathright once Bradley came back.

  IF/OF/C Jake Fox - Fox plays first, third, and left field (and has caught in the past).  Fox has already hit 11 homeruns in Iowa and was doing well in Spring Training before he got cut. 

  LHP Jason Waddell - the Cubs aren't exactly brimming with lefty talent this year, but Neal Cotts needs help.  (Actually he needs to be cut but it ain't gonna happen just yet).  I think the Cubs should promote Waddell - who has an ERA of 3.12 in 9 relief appearances - and, should Waddell be capable of handling major league hitting, cut Cotts and replace him with another lefty down the line.

Round 2: Roster Moves
So long as my three Cubs remained on the DL, I'd probably hold off on making too many roster cuts.  However, once Bradley, Soto, and Marmol were set to return, I would cut the following players:

• Cut Joey Gathright.  Whatever he brings to the table can't possibly be better than that of any number of minor league outfielders in the Cubs system.  Maybe Lou chose to keep him around on the assumption that Milton Bradley would eventually get hurt, but Gathright is not receiving the play time - nor putting up the numbers - to justify a roster spot on a major league club.
• Cut David Patton.  Sorry, I know, we love his unlikely story and the fact that he says Yogi Berraesque things.  But the Cubs bullpen is too weak to justify his continued prescence.  In fact, I reallllly don't understand this need for 7 relief pitchers.  Let's just cut Patton and go with 6.
• Cut Angel Guzman.  See above.  It's time for Jim Hendry to let go; Guzman's ability does not justify his place on the roster, especially if Samardzija has been promoted to pitch in relief for the Cubs.

This would basically ensure a better balance on the Cubs.  They'd no longer have 7 relievers, but the 6 in place would theoretically be a lot better at their jobs -- and as I previously mentioned, once Waddell proves himself as a lefty in the majors I'd cut Cotts and find somebody else to replace him.   

Anyway, here's what the lineup would look like once everybody is healthy:

SP - Zambrano, Lilly, Dempster, Harden, Marshall
Bullpen - LHP Cotts, Waddell, RHP - Samardzija, Heilman, Marmol, CL Gregg

C - Soto, Hill
IF - Lee, Fontenot, Theriot, Ramirez, Hoffpauir, Miles, Scales, Fox
OF - Soriano, Fukudome, Bradley, Johnson, Hoffpauir, Fox

The team would be better balanced, they'd have greater depth, and they'd be less inclined to go all topsy-turvy at the first sign of multiple freak injuries.  But maybe it makes too much sense to ever happen?  You decide.

Overview

In celebration of the Cubs losing their first three game series of the season, I thought it might be appropriate to indulge in a bit of all-caps panicking.  To wit:

• AGGGGHHHHHHH!!!!!  CUBS CAN'T SCORE!!!!! PUT MICAH IN AT CATCHER!!!!!!!
• AND SECOND BASE!!!!!!!!!!!
• TRADE MILTON BRADLEY FOR THREE WEDGES OF BRIE AND A LIGHT BRIGHT!!!!!!!!
• SANDWICHES!!!!!!!!!!

THERE. er, there.  That felt pretty good, right?  Right.

So yeah, the Cubs offense has been slightly worse than stagnant (repugnant?) these last couple of games, managing a mere one run and two walks in two games.  Granted, they faced two pretty good pitchers, but c'mon!  And to top it all off, their would-be-star right fielder is out for the foreseeable future and nobody seems to think he should go onto the DL.

Who's up for a bit more Hoffpauir gymnastics in the outfield?  Rock.

And so now the Cubs will roll into the deep south (too deep for my taste, anyway) and attempt to stop the greatest show on sod.  The Cardinals offense has been hot as a firecracker lately, with the always Ted Williams-esque Albert Pujols doing his thing and the curiously unstoppable Chris Duncan and Ryan Ludwick (and the most curious of the curious, Yadier Molina.  I mean, what the hell?) mashing the ball.  I'm fairly certain that the Cards won't end the season with three hitters OPS'ing over a thousand but, for now, it's a pain in the ass.

Alright, enough fear and pain.  The slump ends here!  The Cubs will rally!  Geo will get a hit!  Fontenot is a star!  CUUUUUBBBBBSSSSSS!!!!!!!

April 24th Ryan Dempster vs. Adam Wainwright

Dare I say that Dempster is proving the naysayers right?  Dare I say it?  DARE I?  Nah, I don't really dare.  I mean, it's only been a few starts and, hey, at least he has a lower ERA that Big Z.  His stuff still looks good (not that there was ever an issue with that), but his control has been quite spotty (always an issue).  We've got four more years of Ryan, so here's hoping it's just a rough start.  For the record, I think it is.

Hey look, another pitcher with good stuff and spotty control.  Adam Wainwright, if anyone can, should solve the Cubs walking woes.  Wainwright was solid but unspectacular in his last start against the Cubs, but that was the hot-hitting Cubs.  Who knows what your mid-to-late April Cubs can do.

April 25th Sean Marshall vs. Mitchell Boggs

Hey look, I totally got a prediction spot on!  I predicted that Marshall would be a bit rusty in his last start and not be all that impressive.  The result: 5 innings, three runs, and some wildness.  I'm frickin' Kreskin.  Marshall, yet again, has been off for awhile, but not for almost a month, so look for him to be a bit more in control.  He's a solid pitcher and I'm looking for a solid outing.  Thus speaks Jason.

Mitchell Boggs, Wade Boggs' father's brother's nephew's cousin's former roommate*, was less than spectacular last year, posting a ERA north of 7.  He's only thrown two innings this year, so he's unlikely to have too much in the tank.  In the past, this kind of pitcher would give the Cubs fits, but this is a more patient team and should have more success.  You know, in theory.  Ah, who am I kidding.  Kids like this still terrify me.

That and spiders.

(* may not be true)

April 26th Rich Harden vs. Todd Wellemeyer

Hey look, someone who I can say nothing but positive things about!  Harden is a freak of nature, striking out an amazing 26 men in only 15 innings.  And the stats don't even list how man women he might have struck out!  He's on pace for...calculating...8430 strikeouts in 145 innings.  That's very impressive.  I think that might even be a record.

Todd Wellemeyer, on the other hand, has been less impressive.  I think it's because he realized he's Todd Wellemeyer.  His control's been good but the hits, oh the hits!, they've been a-fallin'.  29 hits in only 17 innings!  Hey Todd, Bob Howry called and he wants his WHIP back.

Conclusions

And so the Cubs are facing yet another season-breaking series.  The Cubs are still only one game out in the loss column, so they're still not technically out of the race yet, but they're on the edge of the edge.  This is not a must win, I suppose, but it would be nice to have.  Or that's total crap and it's April.  I get a bit confused sometimes.

Note from Kurt
I'm always the one to tag on to the end of somebody else's hard work and take credit.  It's just the way I roll; you can thank me for the invention of the BK Triple Stacker. 

As noted in the GROTA ShoutBox - for which somebody has already learned how to turn into a website marketing ploy (tisk, tisk, don't make me burn you) - Lou Piniella woke up lucid today and produced a new lineup.

Ryan Theriot - who has been hitting everything in sight - leads off.
Kosuke Fukudome - who has been hitting that ball like a pimp who's owed money - bats second.
Alfonso Soriano - plays leadoff, acts cleanup - bats third.
Aramis Ramirez - Clutchy McClutcherson - bats cleanup.
Derrek Lee - still DP FREE! - bats 5th.

You know what?  It... it actually makes sense!  It is proof again that Dusty Baker doesn't manage the Cubs.  And while I'm unwilling to realign my support of Piniella based on one lineup, I'm shocked, pleased, and awed. 

Lou Piniella.  Well played.

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