No, this is not an article about Mark Prior.

Since we're still waiting under a thick blanket of snow for Spring Training to start, I thought I'd open a topic for some lively discussion and debate: which Cub is the franchise player? 

Is it Carlos Zambrano, an under-30 pitcher with a fat contract and ace-like aspirations?

Could it be Derrek Lee, the most productive Cubs first baseman since Hall of Famer Ernie Banks?

Maybe you think it's Aramis Ramirez, the cock-fighting Dominican Republican, who broke the 30-year Curse of Santo?

Or is it Ryan Theriot, the scrappy, white shortstop who boldly leads off and puts up numbers that makes only his momma proud?

The topic is yours. 

Good evening, friends!

We are pretty much now in the month, the raw, grey, but wonderful month of February known primarily for two things: Black History Month (which, frankly, if I were African-American, I would be royally insulted that they gave us the shortest month), and of course, Pitchers And Catchers Report (PACR for short). 

God bless PACR, which is most years, the very best time of the year to be a Cub fan.

It has been a much slower off-season that we have been accustomed to lately.  No hee-youge money signings; and as is typical in the Jim Hendry regime, no major life altering trades.  It seems like when he got burned by the Nomar deal in 2004, like he just gave up.  According to all that know him, he spends his life with the phone in his ear.  I can't possibly imagine who he's talking to all that time - divorcees doing their laundry in their apartment commons, who?  I think he has one more minor deal up his sleeve, and it will be a trade, not a free-agent signing.  Based on his most recent signings, he has a bit of a surplus, if all goes according to plan.

So I am confident in presenting to you, intensely loyal readers and enduring sufferers of the crappiest off-season in Goatrider history, the 2010 Cubs Opening Day Roster:

Catchers (2) Geo Soto, Koyie (Three-finger) Hill

Soto looks wonderful for 2010, and Hill gained some much needed confidence during his Rebel-esque streak of starts behind the plate during the dog days last summer.  Honestly, I am counting on this position being one of our anchors this summer.

Outfielders (4) Alfonso Soriano, Marlon Byrd, Kosuke Fukudome, Sam Fuld

Yes, yes, I said it - the Pride of Nashua, NH will come north with the big boys this April!  I believe that, once again, Scott Boras has oversold his client, Xavier Nady, and the X man will probably be out for a few weeks while his double-baked elbow fully heals.  No biggie, really.  This year is not going to hinge on X Nady.

Infielders (7) Aramis Ramirez, Ryan Theriot, Jeff Baker, Derrek Lee, Andres Blanco, Mike Fontenot, Chad Tracy

Where's the Great Starlin Castro? Not quite yet, people.  Down boy, DOWN!  How about Hoffpauir?  Well, you know what Al Pacino said in "Scarface" - first you get the money, then you get the Micah Hoffpauir.  Seriously, Uncle Lou has been advocating a "versatile roster" since he became a manager back in the last century.  Chad Tracy, if he is actually alive and not deceased, like Ryan Freel, can back up in more positions than the Hoff, and probably hits just as well.  The Hoff, the other hand, will be free to be traded to the AL team that he so desperately needs.

Pitchers (12) Ryan Dempster, Randy Wells, Carlos Zambrano, Jeff Samardzija, Tom Gorzellany, Sean Marshall, John Grabow, Carlos Marmol, Angel Guzman, Esmailin Caridad, Justin Berg, Jason Frasor

In the past, and in most cases, most teams break camp with 11 pitchers because of the frequent scheduled off-days in early April.  But Ted Lilly will stay behind in Arizona for convenient midnight snacking on the abundant homeless in the Phoenix area, and I imagine neither Samardzija or Gorzellany will step up and assert themselves as a sure-thing rotation member we can count on.  Thus, there will be lots of help on hand. This includes relatively new guys Caridad and Berg, who threw strikes during last year's trial period, and real new guy Jason Frasor, who is currently a Blue Jay who has put in enough time to get paid real money, and is being shopped for a young, cheap, useful guy like the Hoff.

To me, it looks like a good team, a solid team, and if Soriano and Soto bounce back, a division-winning team.  Just, I'm afraid, not the team that is going to snap the streak.  Already slighty ouchy (Lilly, Nady), no true staff Ace or catalyst leadoff man.

Normally, this is Silly Season, the best time of year for Cubs fans.  This is where "spring hopes eternal", where we make the trades and free agent buys that give us hope that next year will be The Year!  Sometimes it has really, really not worked out (the offseason of Dave Smith, Willie Wilson, and Jose Guzman) and sometimes we've come closer (three years ago when we bought Alfonso Soriano), but historically, this time of year has been just as exciting, if not more so, than the actual season when the games our played.

And, when we're excited, we write about it more out here.  We've been in the doldrums, so has Desipio, Ivy Chat, Hire Jim Essian, even Pollyellon hasn't been prolific this winter.  Hell, we all figured - new owner?  Ought to be a blood-letting, a free-for-all!

One problem, though.  We all kind of said it at the end of the fall, but didn't really have anything other than a gut feeling about it.  But let's look at this excerpt I borrowed from Baseball Prospects, via ESPN Insider:

When Tom Ricketts purchased the Cubs at the end of the 2009 season,
he spoke openly about how important it was for him to bring a
championship to the north side of Chicago. (It's been a few years.)
That's certainly possible, but previous moves by general manager Jim
Hendry have handcuffed the team on a nearly unprecedented level. The
contract situation Ricketts inherits is among the worst in baseball
history, and with so many immovable players on the roster, rebuilding
will not be an option in the near term. That, in effect, means if the
Cubs are going to get to the World Series for the first time since
1945, it's going to have to be with this group.

Keep in mind, the guys at BP are totally unbiased; in fact, I can't see how people who seem to completely lack passion about the game can write about it.  They're pros, they're totally objective, and they're saying the same thing we've been saying all along:

Nobody, not even the Blow Jays, have more bad contracts, more untradeable pieces, and a more static situation than the Cubs.  What you see is what you get, and when the national guys are saying it?  It's making for a long, boring rest of the winter.

Now, I am happy to report the first images from this year's Cubs Convention: Ryan Dempster looks focused, Geo Soto looks GREAT, and Lou Piniella seems to have regained some level of coherency.  And, hey, no Milton Bradley!  Derrek Lee is still tall, Ryan Theriot has a better haircut, and we will win more than 83 games this year.

But it isn't going to be due to an injection of talent.  In fact, the only excitement we will experience this year is the possibility that one of our arb-eligibles may actually have an arbitration hearing this year.  That hasn't happened in over 10 years under the Trib's ownership.  Jim Hendry might have to say bad things about Theriot or Carlos Marmol.  Yeah, that will end well.

Let's all root for our old guys, because we're going to sink or swim with them.

In as few words as possible, here's my vote for 2010.

Let 'Em Walk: Rich Harden (offered arb, won't take it), Kevin Gregg (no arb), Reed Johnson (no arb), John Grabow (could be resigned depending on price), Aaron Heilman (permanent member of Lou's dog house).

Total 2009 Salary for Walkers: About $18 million

That leaves us with the following set-up, with a few holes to be filled via free agency:

Startin' Lineup:

1. Felipe Lopez, 2B (2-year, $18mil deal, maybe a third-year option)
2. Milton Bradley, RF (.400 or so OBP against lefties AND righties)
3. Derrek Lee, 1B (he's earned it)
4. Aramis Ramirez, 3B (no brainer)
5. Kosuke Fukudome, RF (.470 SLG in '09, .550 SLG in July, .650 SLG in August)
6. Alfonso Soriano, LF (gotta play him; plus he still has some power)
7. Geo Soto, C (contingent upon significant weight loss)
8. Ryan Theriot, SS (best 8 hitter in the league? maybe)

Bench: C Hill, 2B/3B/LF Fox, CF Fuld, 2B/SS/3B Miles (damn it Jim Hendry!!!!), Triple A Flavor of the Week

Rotation: Z, Lilly, Demp, Wells, and Gorzo

(I guess you could spend $10mil on a Garland or a Davis or a Duchscherer; I'd rather do that than sign Harden for many many years. I'm scared of that arm.)

Bullpen: Marmol, Guzman, Marshall, Stevens, and a few of your favorite free agents on the cheap (or Berg, or Caridad, or Gaub)

That should do it, right?

Welcome, one and all, to today's edition of Roster Talk! 

Today, we're gonna look at the bright side of things, once again, because whenever I look at things from the other side of the coin, some of you get upset, your feelings get hurt, and you start demanding that I hang myself.  Ah, kids...you know I would always go with the overdose, or perhaps the double Smokey Joe in the sealed bathroom method, like my favorite singer used.  I just LOVE the smell of a charcoal fire!

Anyway, let's go over the 2009 Cubs roster, and discuss who I would keep for 2010...don't worry, people, it's not a long list, and you can finish it in no time and get RIGHT back to work...you don't even have to print it and take it to the can with you. 

Without further eloquence, here's the "keepers" on Jim Hendry's fantasy team:

Derrek Lee - even in this, his best year in the past five, he doesn't have the offensive output of the top NL first basemen.  He's no Pujols, Howard, Gonzalez, Fielder.  He's there with Todd Helton, Fat Elvis Berkman, some of the other 35 year olds.  His so-called fielding excellence is overrated, too.  None of the experts list him in the top three.  But 2009 is not his fault. 

Ryan Theriot - he's a decent second baseman, has good bat control, and like his predecessors at second before him, Todd Walker and Mark DeRosa, never met a microphone or camera he didn't like.  See what I'm doing here?

Aramis Ramirez - the best player we have.  His dislocated shoulder turned out to be the turning point of the year.  The player we can least afford to lose. 

Jake Fox - as long as he realizes his role on the team, backup corner outfielder and corner infielder, he adds value to our team.  Once he starts crying about playing time, and someday, he will, they can trade him.  Until then, he's a keeper.

Kosuke Fukudome - history will show that he was not as advertised, in terms of offensive impact.  Yes, he gets on base, and yes, he is the only Cub mentioned by the baseball experts as an above average fielder for his position.  He knows how to play the game.  He just isn't good enough to dominate major league pitching.  But if we had an actual offense, what he gives us in CF would be plenty.

Geo Soto - you know just how pissed off I am at him this year.  I am willing to give him another chance this off season to work out hard and come back in 2010 in top shape.  I am only willing to do this because catching talent is at an all-time low.  If the Molina brothers were born 30 years earlier than they were, they'd be pumping gas in Bayamon for a living.  Today, they are beloved figures.  So we have to give this guy slack, whether he deserves it or not.

Ted Lilly - the best pitcher we have.  He's suffered some physical ailments for the first time in three years, and he came back as strong as any other Cub coming off of the DL this year.  They need to extend his contract.

Ryan Dempster - nobody will take him and his contract right now.  Plus I am also willing to cut him some slack, due to his personal issues with his newborn daughter.  Hopefully she thrives, and daddy can go back to running up and down mountains in the off-season.  Because he ain't the same guy who won for us last year.

Carlos Zambrano - I honestly thought we had a chance to do a three way with San Diego and the Sox, where Z ended up with fellow countryman Ozzie Guillen and we ended up with Jake Peavy.  Otherwise, I'm sure nobody is going to touch his $18 million + salary.  And, I guess he has as much chance of having a big year as anyone else.

Randy Wells - he's got heart, if not a whole lot else.  That counts, don't it?

Sean Marshall - hey, we need the dues.  Actually, a great guy to have, as long as you don't rely on him too much.

Angel Guzman - I guess that's why we've been rehabbing this guy the past six years.  Still gives up too many taters.  Of course, so does Lilly.  Which is not quite the bad habit of...

Carlos Marmol - ...giving up too many walks.  While I don't, like, have a personal dossier on this guy, going by the first-person stories I HAVE heard + some of the photos that have surfaced on the internet + some of the comments made by the beat writers and game announcers, this guy has some personal problems right now, and a LOT of growing up to do.  If he does, he could be great.

John Grabow - looks like a decent pickup.  Plus he's lefthanded, and I heard he tips well.

OK, then, that's 14.  Fifteen if you count Alfonso Soriano, who is arguably the most untradeable guy in the league.  With Barry Zito winning every now and again, Soriano may have the worst contract in the majors. 

So, Hendry, or whoever.  You only have ten holes to fill for next year.  You need a leadoff hitter, closer, shortstop, and for the third straight year, right fielder.  I believe Milton Bradley is tradeable, in fact a MUST trade, certainly we will have to eat either salary or not get value back for him, but he has shown he has no business being here.  Send him someplace where nobody shows up for games, nobody reads papers or listens to sports radio, and he'll thrive again.  Maybe Texas will take him back?

You might get someone to give us a bag of peanuts for Kevin Gregg.  Rich Harden is a free agent this year?  Perfect, if that's true. Maybe we'll get a sandwich pick we can waste.  If Reed Johnson doesn't mind making fifth outfielder money again next year, maybe you give him one more look. 

That's it.  Everyone else, yes including the Great Jeff Baker, feel free to get that insurance certification or whatever it is that you will need to earn money the rest of your life. 

So, Cubs fans.  That's this winter's episode of "Who I would keep", with your congenial host, me.  Until next time, football is just around the corner, and you know what that means?  Yep, betting!  And, Cheerleaders!  Whoo!

naturally, your input is always encouraged, either via comment or by user blog page.  It's time!  Sharpen up the axe, and start Hackin!!

While we wait for AJ's recap ...

Remember last October, when a 97-win Cubs team was swept out of the playoffs by Los Angeles? People wanted to blow up the team. They wanted to deal Derrek Lee, start Micah Hoffpauir at first, unload all the failures and under-performers, and -- the level-headed blog this is -- we suggested an exercise of caution. George Steinbrenner may disagree to some extent, but the actions and reactions of a strong organization is not to trade away the key components to a 97-win baseball team just because of an early playoff exit.

The Cubs have lately been playing extremely well as of late and find themselves in an unusual (for 2009 at least) predicament. With several key players soon to return from trips to the DL, Lou and Jim will have to decide who to demote and what the roster will look like going into September, when it can expand to 40.

Yesterday I posted an open thread in which I solicited opinions on how to fix this facked up Cubs roster.  Loyal Goat Reader Matt suggested we head over to Bleed Cubbie Blue, where Al Yellon has posted a guide to "realistic" options that could fix the current roster.  I said there -- and I will repeat here -- that anybody who self-titles their solutions "realistic" is at least somewhat deluded, and elaborated on my general disdain for the ban-happy Al Yellon.

Then I promptly shout-banned one of our most ardent readers for his consistent flaming of this blog.  Oh, hypocrisy, thy name is Kurt.  But said reader still has the ability to post comments in our articles, so he shouldn't feel too slighted and is welcome to flame us his own name or handle, rather than mine or somebody else's.  But I digress.

So.  A brief summary of what Al suggested over on his blog:

1. Cut Aaron Miles.
Why this is a relevant move baffles me.  On a team short of multi-positional backup players, Yellon wants to cut a guy who is about as responsible for the team's failings as you or I are.  Miles has been terrible, no doubt there, but cutting him outright makes less sense than using him in a more limited, back-up role.  Miles should be the guy who comes in to play defense when you pinch hit Micah Hoffpauir for Mike Fontenot in close-and-late games.  Until the Cubs can find another player as defensively versatile as Miles, or until they have at least a modestly balanced roster, Miles cannot be cut.

2. Trade Rich Harden.
The strength of the Cubs has been their rotation.  So, apparently they should break it up.  Al's realistic -- and only -- trade suggestion is Harden to the Angels for Brandon Wood, a 24-year-old prospect who can play third base.  Wood is Anaheim's 1st round pick from the '03 draft and he has ridiculous power potential.  And since the Angels are apparently a hack organization, I'm sure they'll jump on trading a young prospect with tremendous power for an older pitcher with a long history of being hurt.  Because if the Angels need anything right now, it's another pitcher they can't count on.

3. Trade Heilman + Prospects for DeRosa.
But it's ok.  Because if that doesn't work out, then Al thinks the Cubs can deal one of their failed relievers plus unnamed prospects to the Indians for Mark DeRosa.  Again -- why the Indians would deal DeRosa back to the Cubs for any kind of trade involving Aaron Heilman is baffling, but apparently it's also "realistic."

4. Move Fukudome to second in the lineup.
This is fairly common sense, but has anybody noticed that Fukudome is batting .122 in June?  How exactly is moving a .122-in-June hitter to the 2nd spot of the lineup going to help?  Fontenot, on the other hand, is doing very well so far in June.

5. Leave Bradley alone (for now).
So the Cubs should take their new free agent, who apparently is constantly battling naggling injuries, and rather than force him to take time off to heal they should just leave him alone and let him start and struggle until his hurt leg magically heals on its own?  Just checking.

6. Turn Guzman into the set-up man.
Actually I'd consider just making him the closer at this point. 

7. Use Hoffpauir to spell Soriano more.
Why just Hoffpauir?  Why not anybody on the team who can play left field?

With all due respect to Al Yellon, none of his moves would make a damned bit of difference.  He apparently -- no offense -- wants to stupidly weaken the rotation and to trade for a couple of regular players while -- no offense -- ignorantly not moving any of the current regulars on the team ... while modestly and pointlessly -- no offense -- juggling the lineup a little.  And at least two of his "realistic" suggestions would only occur -- no offense -- under the conditions that the other teams' GMs were drunk off their asses when they agreed to the proposed trades.  No offense.

No, the Cubs need to take dramatic action.  They need to shake the team up, to make smart, sensible moves, and they need to act soon.  Here, therefore, are my solutions to the cluster-frack of a Cubs team that we are tortured by watching every single day:

1. Fire Lou Piniella
"He's better than Dusty" is not a justification in keeping a guy around.  At this point Lou needs to eat the gun of responsibility, fall on his own sword, acknowledge that he's past his prime, and let go.  I'm sorry, but I'm just over it.  Lou is not putting out the best possible lineup.  He is not balancing the team with players who can play the roles the Cubs are presently missing.  And he's not using the tools he's given appropriately.

And rather than watch this team continue its slide into mediocrity, I think a firing of the best Cub manager of my lifetime -- which says nothing except how bad they've been -- might shake them up the same way that Clint Hurdle's departure from Colorado has helped propel the Rockies into an 11 game winning streak.  Axe Lou - coming to a t-shirt near you.  I'll have more on this very controversal subject in the coming days.

2. Promotions, Demotions, and Releases
The following Cubs need a chance to prove their worth in the big leagues:

Jake Fox - batting .409 in Iowa with 17 homeruns and 53 RBI in 45 games.  He can poorly play catcher, first, third, left, and right field.  But who cares?  Lil' Mikey Fontenot has hardly been a defensive savant over at third base and it can be argued that forcing him to play a new position has had a negative impact on his hitting.  Let Fox Play. 

Bobby Scales - he's had some success in the bigs, and some failings.  But he's versatile and, if he could have prolonged success, it would set the stage for a justifiable release of Aaron Miles.

J.R. Mathes - This lefty can at the very least try out for the role of lefty relief specialist.  Maybe he'll bomb.  Maybe he'll find success.  The point is the Cubs need somebody else who throws lefty and he should get a shot.

Kevin Hart - So far he's thrown 46.1 innings in Iowa, he has a 3.30 ERA, and he's struck out 50.  He's not been a hot hand in Chicago but maybe with a new manager who doesn't dispose of relief pitchers like so many used tampons Hart can find better luck if he returns.

As a consequence of these four in-house players making the team, the following players need to be ousted:

Dave Patton -- is Patton's potential so great that it's worth lampooning the team's chances in 2009?  I think not.  Let him go back to his original team, he's not helping out the Cubs.

Aaron Heilman -- Yellon is right in that he's not helping the Cubs.  The difference is this overall sense of reality that Al seems to have been lacking the day he wrote his "realistic" take on how to fix the team.  Heilman is not going to net DeRosa or anybody else.  The Cubs would be lucky to find somebody who'd eat his contract.  Therefore I am advocating the release of Aaron Heilman.

Andres Blanco -- Why he's on the roster at all is a mystery to me.  I'd return him to Iowa where he can hit better than .212.

But what about Hart?  Promote him if/when Ascanio fails.

3. Trades and Acquisitions
So far the moves I've suggested will have presented the roster with a stronger overall balance, but they lack the punch necessary to spring forward.  And since Ramirez remains out -- and will probably not be what we hoped he'd be once he gets back -- I'm going to advocate the following trades:

Aubrey Huff to the Cubs for prospects - Huff is another defensively mediocre player versatile enough to play first, third, and the outfield.  He won't be heroic with the glove but until Ramirez returns he can fill in over there while providing a bit of a better bat than Fontenot.  This trade may not be possible unless the Cubs can a) take on salary and/or b) lose Heilman and his ilk to other teams via waiver claims, rather than through being forced to eat their contracts.

4. Shifts and re-alignments
At this point the Cubs would have made a few moves but they will still need to shake things up a bit.  I would do the following:

Move Angel Guzman to closer - He's been the most effective pitcher on a team rife with blown games.  Guzman has earned the chance to be a huge contributor rather than a middle innings eater.

Change the lineup in the following ways

vs. LHP
SS Theriot - .400 OBP vs. LHP
CF Johnson - .419 OBP vs. LHP, .905 OPS
RF Bradley - .288 AVG vs. LHP, .819 OPS
LF Soriano - sucks vs. LHP, but there aren't a ton of options at this point
C Soto - .433 SLG vs. LHP, .828 OPS
1B Lee - .770 OPS vs. LHP
2B Miles - .273 AVG, .713 OPS vs. LHP
3B Fox - It's a mystery but he can rake

vs. RHP
2B Fontenot - .352 OBP vs. RHP
SS Theriot - .330 OBP, .746 OPS vs. RHP
3B Huff - .850 OPS v. RHP
LF Soriano - .484 SLG v. RHP
1B Lee - .804 OPS v. RHP
CF Fukudome - .813 OPS v. RHP
RF Bradley - .682 OPS v. RHP
C Soto - .606 OPS v. RHP

The Roster at this Point
C - Soto, Hill
1B Lee, Hoffpauir
2B Fontenot, Miles, Scales!
3B Huff, Scales, Fox!
SS Theriot, Miles
LF Soriano, Fox, Hoffpauir
CF Fukudome, Johnson
RF Bradley, Huff, Hoffpauir

SP Zambrano, Dempster, Lilly, Harden, Wells
LR Mathes, Marshall
MR Ascanio, Marshall, Mathes
SU Marmol, Gregg
CL Guzman

What changes
As a consequence of these moves, the Cubs would have a new manager, a stronger lineup, greater depth, and fewer weak-spots in the bullpen.  But as much as this modest shake-up would impact the team, perhaps the biggest move they need to make is this:

Sell the team!
It's just so ... so ... Cub for this team sale to be so bungled.  Shouldn't they be owned by somebody else by now?  How long is this mess going to take?  Perhaps the Tribune should seek a bail-out and America can own the team!  Either way, I am more anxious than ever for a new-look Cubs run by a fresh owner.  I have to confess at this point that I sincerely hope it's not Ricketts, I'd suffer through another year of bids and rumors, but this idiotic, slow process is harpooning the team's ability to function. 

Because let's be honest.  The Cubs as they are built will not win a World Series.  Rob is right.  The side-shows have taken the spotlight, center stage is a disaster, and the elephants are loose somewhere on the grounds.  This simply will not do, and yet it's all we know.  And that, my friends, is why we are boned for 2009.  Again.

They fired the hitting coach. 

This isn't even "deck chairs off of the Titanic", this is more like "ice cubes out of a cocktail glass off of the Titanic".  What exactly DOES a hitting coach do in the majors, anyway?  But before you send the Perry family any condolence cards, keep in mind that this is June 15th and we have a three-way tie for the team lead in RBIs.  Derrek Lee, Mike Fontenot and Alfonso Soriano (....and this really should be foreboding since the best of them is hitting .250...) all at 27.  On June 15th.

This is where the biggest question you have to ask is: is it a blessing or a curse that we are only 2 1/2 games out? 

I think the starting pitchers deserve the benefit of the doubt, and have earned the right for Jim Hendry to be a BUYER this July, and try to get us somebody that can hit.  On the other hand, every other aspect of the game - hitting, running, relieveing and fielding - along with coaching, has been suspect at best, and utter rubbish at worst.

I think anybody acting entirely in a vacuum would realize that this team, as constructed is not going to win a pennant in 2009 - hence, it makes sense to fix everything that is broken.  This would most likely begin with the suddenly old and befuddled guy who wears Number 41 and stands around in the dugout looking like he is suffering the throes of advanced constipation.  However, this is absolutely NOT going to happen, and it isn't because management is deluded enough to believe that the Cubs have a shot this year. 

It is because Hendry has already hired Dusty Baker, allowed him to finish his contract, yet did not retain him.  Then he hired Lou Piniella.  In the baseball biz, most GMs are given 2 field managers to prove their capacity to do their OWN job.  Most GMs are not given the luxury of hiring a third manager, without a championship under their own belt.  If a third manager is necessary, most owners will insist a new GM be the one to do the hiring.

Of course, we are unique (naturally).  Our owner doesn't WANT to own us, and has been trying to sell us since the day he bought us.  Of course, he wants ridiculous profits, and obviously does not have the gumption to fully check out the new buyer of his team.  (Hey, I can offer 900 mill for the Cubs - think Zell would have sold them to me?)  This clusterflop might go on for years, and Zell doesn't care enough to go through a search for a new GM.  Hell, he cares so little about us, he probably doesn't even know about the "2 hires" rule in baseball, and he'd let Hendry bring in a new guy without asking a single question outside of "what's he gonna cost me?" 

However, Hendry is not always as dumb as you might think, and he won't want to try to slip a fast one past Zell.  So he'll stick with old Uncle Lou as long as he is willing to squeeze himself into his uniform and stand in front of the mikes and issue the same tired excuses he's been tossing at us since Game 1 of last year's NLDS. 

I honestly believe if Hendry wanted to trade for a guy, regardless of his salary picture, that Zell could care less.  So if that Offensive Savior was out there, Hendry could go get him, even if we had to eat Fukudome's $25MM, or Bradley's $25MM, or even Soriano's $91MM.  But who, exactly, would that be?  Like the Easter Bunny and Saddam's WMDs, the Offensive Savior does not exist.  

Besides, even if one Offensive Savior came, that doesn't mean the other 7 guys in the lineup would start hitting, so what we really need is the Manager Savior, who will motivate and compel Soriano to hit like he did with Washington, for Fukudome to hit like he did in Japan, for Bradley to hit like he did with Texas, for Lee to hit like he did in 2005, for Fontenot to hit like he was a real starter, and for Soto to hit like he did when he was skinny.

So, yes, I fully expect to hear any day now that Lou Piniella is going to "retire", so he can go back home to Tampa and wait for a Steinbrenner to call him, and for Hendry to announce the hiring of our new "Managerial Savior"...

....Santa Claus. 

Dear Lord...let SOMEONE buy the Cubs soon.  Until then, we're no better than we've ever been...still hostages of mismanagement.