But the trouble doesn't even come remotely close to ending off the field. The Cubs are a team so screwed up that they can't even get sold right. Can you think of a longer, more drawn-out sale? Isn't it so typically Cub that it has happened to them? Tom Ricketts, who very well may be the next owner of the Chicago Cubs, inspires no faith in me. How can a guy who can't even put together enough cash to finalize this deal be expected to afford to put forth a competitive ball club should he actually be handed a Cubs business card with the word "owner" on it? (Woo, long sentence, sorry about that but this, my friends, is what we call the beginnings of a rant.)

Earlier in the year I often asked about how furious we'd all be if Jim Hendry started selling off his team's parts to prepare for another run in 2010. I suggested that this team -- as close to the top of the division as they have been -- would be seen as quitters if they gave up. We'd hate them for it. But at this point I'd almost feel relieved to know that it's over. Then we could at least have fun with the photoshops of Crazy Milton, and Geovany Pot-o, and Mikey Fontenot's wilting baseball bat, and all the things I don't want to supply as fodder to Cardinal fans.

Who To Blame
We could make a long list of players and managers responsible. Blame Milton Bradley for signing to play in a town with legendarily intense fan and media scrutiny. Hell, blame the fans for being dicks about it. Blame Geo Soto for not preparing himself as much as he should have. Blame Gerald Perry for the team's hitting strategies evaporating like the weed in Geo's vaporizer. Blame Lou Piniella for batting a slumping cleanup hitter leadoff, for carrying 13 pitchers on a team where offensive success is practically a myth, for failing to keep his players and their temper tantrums under wraps. Blame the players for their temper tantrums. And yes, absolutely, blame Jim Hendry for letting Mark DeRosa go to the Cardinals for peanuts, for starting the season without a viable alternative to play backup third base, for failing to land a single effective lefty reliever, and for assembling the most talented team (with the most glaring holes) of our lifetimes.

Hey, Jim had has chance. Actually he's had about three chances by now. He failed to build a successful farm system and he failed to turn the Cubs into a winner. His failings in minor league development forced him to turn to expensive free agent alternatives, who are either all suddenly past their primes or have colluded to have the worst slumps of their careers simultaneously. He signed these guys for a ton of money -- and with no-trade clauses to boot -- giving him no wiggle room for when things finally went south. In other words, he did everything in his power to save his job back in 2007 without caring how ugly things might get by 2009 or 2010. He's like the greedy company pumping thousands of tons of chemicals into the drinking water because of the instant profit received from doing so without care or concern about the thousands of people who'll get cancer later on. (Okay, fine, that was an unreasonably strong comparrison that doesn't exactly fit. Work with me here.)

How Do They Fix It?
The short answer is they don't. Hendry probably should be fired -- in fact, he probably should have been fired after the '06 season -- but the Cubs are a crippled body seeking a head. Sam Zell is not going to fire Jim Hendry considering that Sam's office has probably been packed and ready for a move for six months. Lou Piniella should probably be held accountable, at least for the things we were mad at Dusty about. When Dusty mismanaged his pitchers, we were furious -- but not with Lou. When Dusty wouldn't lower Sammy in the batting order despite his poor performance, we were outraged -- but not at Lou for his placement of Soriano there. When Dusty lost control of his clubhouse in '04, resulting in the departure of Steve Stone we were pissed -- but not Lou, who we won't blame in the slightest.

In other words, Cub fans are effing hypocrits and I don't understand why.

So the reality of this attrocious 2009 campaign is that we're stuck with it. Hendry might succeed in parting with Harden, he may even be able to deal Lilly, but the Cubs aren't about to lose Carlos, Derrek, Aramis, Alfonso, Kosuke, or Milton. And we're also stuck with Jim regardless of what he does -- or doesn't do -- the rest of this season. And since we're stuck with them we might as well pray for rain or some kind of atomic attack on Milwaukee and St. Louis because even if it doesn't feel like it the Cubs are still in it for the playoffs.

All they need is for Fontenot to hit steadily against righties, for Miles to perform against lefties, for Aramis to come back and hit as if his shoulder isn't nearly detached, for Alfonso to go on a three-month-assault in the leadoff spot, for Carlos Marmol to rediscover the strike zone, and for Milton Bradley to have a personality transplant. That shouldn't be a problem. Not with Lou leading the charge!