Alright, I don't really have a format for these series previews yet, so I guess this is the intro part. I think this is where I used to say things about both teams and the state of the world and baseball in general. Unfortunately, since I was hanging with the great Ernie Banks last night, time has run out on me. So let me just say that my thanks go out to the Astros for keeping the Cubs out of the cellar. Thank's 'Stros!

now onto the preview...

The Matchups

Friday, April 4th, 1:20 pm

Rich Hill vs. Chris Sampson - You know what I think of when I think of Sampson? I think of recruiting violations. I think about how IU had one of their best teams in decades and, because their coach couldn't stop drunk-dialing his fave 5, it went to waste. That's what I think of when I think of Sampson. And you know why? Because Chris Sampson is so thoroughly mediocre that I must preserve my synapses for other more important things.

But hey, if you want to talk about a pitcher who had a 4.59 ERA last year, we can talk about him. What do you want to say? Hmmm? Wait, I've got it! He pitched in college at Texas Tech which is where Bobby Knight went after his firing which lead to the eventual hire of Kelvin Sampson which led to my head exploding this season as IU pissed away two amazing players.

There. I tied it all together. Baseball fever, catch it!

Rich Hill, on the other hand, is anything but boring. He brings an amazing curve to the table, a great strikeout rate, and a legion of expectant hands awaiting his true arrival. Because, while Hill was very solid with a 3.92 ERA last year and an 11-8 record, one can't help but think he can do more. It seems that he is destined for a least a few great seasons. This year, however, might not be the year. Typically pitcher have a tendency to sophomore slump after their first full season as their bodies adjust to the rigors of pitching 200+ innings and Hill looked pretty bad this spring. Hopefully he won't have any difficulties this year but, if he does, he won't be the first.

Saturday, April 5th, 12:05 PM

Jason Marquis vs. Roy Oswalt- What can I say? Do I start my thesis the same way I started all my freshman year english papers: "Websters defines mismatch as...".

To put it succinctly (too late), Jason Marquis is very bad and Roy Oswalt is very good. For the last five years, Oswalt has been one of the best pitchers in the NL and a perennial Cy Young candidate. Marquis, on the other hand, can't wait to make his first playoff roster*. Um, Go Cubs?

(* okay, that's most likely not true, but still. They don't call him the Marquis de Suck for nothing)

Sunday, April 6th, 1:20 PM

Carlos Zambrano vs. Brandon Backe- And now we can flip this preview on its head and talk about how wicked awesome Zambrano is and what a lame-ass Brandon Backe is. Backe is not so very good and has struggled to a 4.62 career ERA during his 110 game major league career. Zambrano, on the other hand, has struggled with being so awesome that sometimes he sucks the awesome out of others (as a result of the awesome vortex), leaving behind a sunken shell of not-awesome (who I shall name Jason Marquis).

Sometimes it's hard being the best.

Zambrano was great on opening day and hopefully that continues throughout the season. Any chance, though, that he could play with an IV sticking out of his arm? It worked for Keith Richards. And Miguel Tejada.

The Lineups

Just a quick glance at the Astros, we see a few key players and a lot of fodder. Once you get past Berkman, Tejada, and Lee, you're left with...

well...

Hey, maybe Darrin Erstad will resurrect him career! I kid, of course. Erstad is done. But seriously, I also kid as they have a few other solid contributors. Hunter Pence was crazy good last year and, um...dude! Brad Ausmus is still playing? Why won't someone retire that guy before he hurts himself. Or the game of baseball. Yeesh.

The Cubs, on the hand, are not in last anymore.

Go Cubs.