Do you remember where you were when you learned that the Cubs, given the choice between Jason Schmidt, Barry Zito and Ted Lilly, signed Ted Lilly? Were you frustrated? Despondent?

Well, maybe this will brighten your day:

One year and one month into his seven-year contract, Barry Zito has become the most expensive long reliever in the history of baseball.

The man who leads the majors in starts the past eight seasons will miss his turn in the rotation for the first time in his career. Zito, who's 0-6 with a 7.53, was told by Giants manager Bruce Bochy before Monday night's game that he'll work out of the bullpen in the immediate future, and he accepted the demotion with reluctance and without protest.

Excuse me for a moment while I say: BWAH-HAH-HAH-HAH-HAH.

(To be clear, I'm laughing at Brian Sabean here, not Zito. By all accounts Zito is a nice guy and a consumate professional, and to be quite frank I think athletes should get as much money as they possible can from ownership that doesn't involve the commission of a rank felony.) 

Oh, and meanwhile, Jason Schmidt has pitched less than 30 innings, and may be ready to pitch at the All-Star Break this season, if his shoulder is finally healthy. Which... yes, I suppose is possible, in the same way that it's possible that a giant, sentient stick of butter descends from outer space and demands that we free its kinsmen from their current state of bondage. I wouldn't go betting the life savings on it.