Goatriders of the Apocalypse

2010 Player Preview: Carlos Silva

Silva

Borrowing a page from HJE: This year’s Friday Night Fukudome:

Most innings pitched, wins, and ERA:

Hutt vs. Sucke

OK, lemme explain here:

In the interests of fairness, I was totally onboard when Hendry traded Jason Marquis last winter, and although I was somewhat skeptical when he then brought Milton Bradley on board, I actually did believe Bradley when he said that all he needed to feel good about himself was financial security.  Now, if anyone else in life said that, I would roll my eyes until they slid out of the sockets.  But most ballplayers are thick enough to believe that money equals love.  Of course, Bradley proved himself as not the typical ballplayer.

Also, in the interests of fairness, if you would have told me before last spring that the Cubs were keeping Marquis and DeRosa, leaving Fukudome in RF, and relying on a mélange of Joey Gathright, Sam Fuld, Reed Johnson and Bobby Scales in CF, I would have thrown a fit like if I were in prison and they took away my yard time.

But what if we had done just that?  We would have had better RF defense, a 15-game winner in our rotation, DeRosa would have slid over to third when Ramirez went down, and, of course, we wouldn’t have had a radioactive isotope sitting in the clubhouse every day.  Our CF production might have been the worst in ML history, but our biggest problem for the 2010 offseason would have been whether or not to re-sign heartthrob Marky DeRosa as well as the Marquis du Suck, but instead, we had to end up taking on the most corpulent sack of pus in the majors as a return for Bradley.

However…and this isn’t saying much, but I think we’re going to end up winning the Bradley-Silva trade, by a wide margin.  And that’s the only kind of margin you can have when talking about Carlos Silva.  He looks like Fat Zambrano, and pitches a bit like him, too.  Sinkers, heavy fastballs, lots of walks, lots of battling to get through innings.   And that’s not great, but not that bad, either.

When Hendry was forced to cover his butt this off-season, if you offered him “not that bad” in return, he’d crumple to his chubby little knees and praise the Lord in thanksgiving.  Say this about Big Jim…many of his moves have failed, some spectacularly, but a few of his moves have worked out quite well.  Ramirez-for-Bobby Hill.  Karros-for-Turd Hundley.  Dempster.  Lilly.  And now, Silva the Hutt.

He’s not gonna win 20, or even 15, but I think he is going to chow down on 200 innings with an ERA below 4 and a half.  Because Silva knows how to eat, whether it’s innings or tortillas.  You will learn not to hate him.  And more people in Seattle will jump off bridges.  Not that I have anything against people from Seattle.  I’m just making an unfortunate point here.

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I've been waiting for Silva the Hutt!

And I wasn't disappointed. It feels kind of dirty ripping on a guy who has pitched surprisingly well in ST. Of course, I'm sure he is just raising our collective hopes so that he can dash them. I just had to laugh when I read this line in a story on the Cubs' website:

"One thing that's different for the right-hander between the Mariners, for whom he pitched the past two years, and the Cubs is that the focus now is on pitching, not how much he weighs. "

LOL.

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