Goatriders of the Apocalypse

Is it time to give The Riot a pee test?

I mean, yeah, it was imperative for at least one of the big Cub power hitters to break out of their homer slump, and start making positive contributions over the wall.  But frankly, Mr. Theriot doesn't count. 

Two four-ply jacks in as many days?  That's like getting an extra 20 out of the ATM. 

It is impossible for me to sufficiently express my gratitude to him.  Any of you ever see the movie "Breaking Away", when Dennis Christopher falls off the bike during the Little 500 and bangs up his leg, and Dennis Quaid just stands there pouting because he didn't really expect to have to ride?  And Jackie Earle Haley jumps on the thing and starts weaving around the track, because the damn thing is about five inches too tall for him?  I guess that's how I feel about The Riot having to win two games in a row with homers.

It is good though to see Marshall pitch well on Thursday, then Lilly pitch a gem today.  Lost in the craptastic performances of Soto, Lee, Bradley and Miles was that our starting rotation, which was our big strength last year, hasn't been giving us the innings or the run prevention we need to succeed.  Except for one outing so far, Lilly has been our best pitcher.  Z and Dempster need to get in the groove now.

I honestly do not believe we should expect much more from Lee than we are getting currently.  It certainly is convenient that we are suddenly hearing about "neck and back spasms" that have been bothering him "as long as the broken wrist' in 2006.  Certainly bulging disks are serious matters, and now it is clear why his production has never recovered.  No, I'm not going to call for his ouster, he is for better or for worse the leader of this particular ballclub, and he has to participate.  Just, Lou, not batting third, ever again?

I don't know Geo Soto, personally, but those that do need to give him the jolt he needs to freakin' WAKE UP, and start playing some ball.  This is the 2006 Soto we're looking at here, the one that didn't show up on anyone's list of prospects.  If it is weight, then dammit, move his locker away from the postgame spreads, and give the man some Hydroxycut, before they pull it off the shelves.

Right now, Don't Wake Daddy is reminding me of a cross between Turd Hundley, Danny eFFing Jackson and all the other sideshow frauds we've brought in here.  If he's suffering from Moises Alou Disease, then please, someone piss on his hands already, because watching him is making ME sick!!

I started with urine, so I come full circle and end with it, too.  Happy Two Game Streak, everyone!  Big Cubs 101 starts Monday!!

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