The Absolute worst time of year for Cubs fans
(Channeling my inner Jim Mora) PLAYOFFS? PLAYOFFS? Who said anything about PLAYOFFS? We haven't done diddly....POO!
Indeed, we have not. This IS the worst time of year for us, especially now in 2009, having to endure a NLDS without the Cubs in it, when everyone associated with baseball simply assumed we would have a place just by showing up. Many, many lessons to be learned, first about taking success for granted. Also for making snap decisions based solely on stats and not taking human factors into account. Someday someone will write a egg-heady book about the human cost of trading away a decent, modestly talented human being like Mark DeRosa so that we could afford to bring in an marginally more talented yet profoundly flawed person like Milton Bradley. On paper, it was a slam-dunk - Bradley led the entire AL in OPS in 2008. If you believe in personal growth and redemption, you might talk yourself into believing that Bradley had matured enough to deserve, cherish, and professionally uphold a lucrative three-year contract.
But, if you're like me, convinced that a cat can never change its stripes, then you knew from the moment he was signed that it had no chance of working.
So here we are, fans of the club with the best pitching possibly in the entire league, wondering what to do here in October. Most years prior to this one, it was easier. We knew we sucked, so real baseball fans would cherish the opportunity to spend their time watching quality ball, and provincial fans like myself would just bury themselves in pro football, college football, high school football or whatever items on the 'honey-do' list we've been putting off all summer.
This year is different. I feel cheated. I truly feel like I went to a live show, perhaps a stand-up comedy performance by, say, Chris Rock, but instead they rolled out some guy they caught pissing in the alley out back. We should be there, we aren't, and I can't help thinking that this is going to cut into the already meager level of enjoyment any of us would normally feel watching October baseball that doesn't include the Cubs.
To make things even more distasteful, most of the Usual Suspects ARE still at it. The Evil Satanic Fowl. The Massholes. The Steinbrenners. Manny and his bitch-titts. Vlad the Impaler and his Halos, who actually I have very little gripe with, outside of the fact that they ALWAYS make the playoffs, then ALWAYS choke their spot away to the Massholes. Not to mention the incumbents, Hole Camels, his vacuous blonde succubus wife, their new baby, and the rest of the Phillies, a franchise that, until recently, was even more associated with failure than our own.
There aren't any Tampa Bay Rays this year, the former weaklings at the beach kicking sand in everyone's faces. The only two teams that don't make me want to hurl my lunch are the Twinkies and the Rox. It is Rocktober again, apparently. And even the Twins kind of chafe me, when I consider that it is WE that deserved Joe Mauer and THEY what deserved Mark Prior. If we had the first pick that year, that would be the ultimate insult. But the Twins actually picked first, and they were smart, thrifty and lucky to pick Mauer, and leave the so-called Best College Pitcher Ever for us.
I work with a whole poopload of Cardinal fans, who advance the theory that if they win, then they will buy themselves another five years of grace with their fanbase, and thus won't have to re-sign Matt Holliday or even, dare I speak it, the Great PooHoles. Therefore, says they, I should root for them this year, with the long-term success of the Cubs in mind.
When I start trusting Cardinal fans is when I start living my life according to the principles of Rush Limbaugh, driving a gigantic 4-wheel-drive tank deep into virgin woods to better facilitate shooting animals dead for my personal pleasure, and secretly booking hotel rooms at hourly rates on the other side of the tracks so I can have my bare ass beat by swarthy young men with lesions on their necks.
In other words, nah. Go Twins!