Goatriders of the Apocalypse

Hank Aaron to come out of retirement -- Cub fans ecstatic at the possibilities

GEORGIA - Homer king Hank Aaron has recently announced his plans to come out of retirement and retake his crown as all-time major league leader in homeruns.  The Braves have already responded to his press conference by saying that they do not have a roster spot to accommodate the legend, making his services available to any other team in the league.

Aaron stated this morning that he has been working out rigorously for the past six weeks and, thanks to his trainer, a rigorous work-out regimine, and the regular consumption of panta seaweed, he has been able to put on 20 pounds of muscle in that time frame.

"I just think it's important that I be the homerun king," Aaron said.  "In my day we did it legitimately and that's what I want to do now -- legitimately reclaim the crown."  Aaron later declined a drug test stating, "Why would a 75 year old man risk his health by using steroids?"

Cub fans everywhere are naturally ecstatic by the possibilities of Aaron joining the team.  Citing the poor performance this year by Milton Bradley and Aaron's long career of success at hitting homeruns and batting cleanup, some fans feel as if it is a serendipitous moment that Aaron be made available.

"It's like with Glavine and Pedro," said Dough Bagge, a prominent Cubs blogger.  "These guys have Cy Youngs -- multiple! -- and Aaron is a former MVP who has clearly demonstrated that he can hit the long-ball.  It doesn't matter that he's old and years passed his greatest successes, he's available so why not?"

Bagge went on to elaborate: "I love it when washed-up veterans come to the Cubs!  That's what we need more of, in this year of mediocrity!"

Aaron has declined to comment regarding his interest in playing for the Cubs.

I don't get it.

I don't get it.

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