Goatriders of the Apocalypse

A 20-year-old's letter to the New Owner of the Chicago Cubs

Hello, New Owner of the Cubs.  On the off chance that this makes the main page and you actually read it, I'm writing this letter.  (Duh.)

A little background info:  I'm 20 years old, I live in North Carolina (where we have no pro team).  I became a Cubs fan because the local minor-league team used to be a Cubs affiliate, and because of WGN, Harry Caray, and Sammy Sosa, as well as the movie "Rookie of the Year".  (I still maintain Sosa did not use steroids until it is proven otherwise, however foolhardy this may be.)  I am writing this letter because, although I am only 20, I fear I will not see the cubs reach, let alone win, the World Series in my lifetime.  The only time they got close, our idiot manager didn't go out to talk to his rookie pitcher after a play involving a certain not-to-be-named fan, and we proceeded to give up 8 runs in the inning after leading 3-0 and being 5 outs away from the World Series.

I have the following requests:

1.  Do not increase the Cubs' payroll *unless you think it will help them reach or win a world series*.  We're willing to pay higher ticket prices to see a winning team, but if we suck, after a few years it'll get a bit old (see: Wrigley attendance records during the 1960s.)

2.  Do not change the name of Wrigley Field *unless the money will go directly into payroll*.  This includes any increases made to the scouting budget, a department we have historically sucked in.  Also, if you change the name, try to keep Wrigley in there somewhere, i.e. "Wrigley Field at General Motors Stadium" rather than "General Motors Field".  (I still refer to the White Sux ballpark as Cominsky.)

3.  Increase the scouting budget.  This is a department we have historically sucked in.

4.  See if Greg Maddux is at all interested in being a pitching coach.  He may not be able to help guys throw 100 MPH, but he can help the older guys stay crafty.  He's also a pretty good opposing player scout from what I hear, as well as a good source of levity in the clubhouse.

5.  Focus on winning, or at least reaching, the World Series.  (Once we're there, schmurse over, and winning won't be so hard as reaching -- it's a virtual coin-flip, maybe even a rigged one given that any Cubs team that can break the schmurse has to be pretty damn good.)

6.  Look for bargains, especially at backup positions.  We want backups who can play defense -- hitting is a bonus, not a necessity.  We don't really have a backup first baseman other than Daryle Ward, who can't play defense -- Doug Mientkiewicz might be a cheap remedy, for example.

7.  Build the farm system.  I know I keep talking about scouting and player development, but that's because we've sucked at it for as long as I've lived.

8.  If you have the opportunity to make a trade or free agent signing (or a combination of trades and signings) that you feel gives us at least a 25% chance of winning the world series, but it will make the team suck for up to 5 years after that, PULL THE TRIGGER.  After all, our current world-series-winning rate is 2 out of 104, less than 2%, while the sucking for a few years will pale in comparison to the 1946-1983 playoff drought.

9.  If you can, aim to win the World Series while Barack Obama is still in office, just because we'd get to send the Cubs to meet with him, and he's a known White Sux fan, and we'd get to rub it in a little bit.

10.  At the very least, win another world series before the Phillies do -- it's bad enough being tied for last place among original-16 franchises for world series wins (we have 2, 1907 and 1908, both over the tigers), I'd hate to be last by ourselves.

11.  Do not be afraid to trade with the White Sox as long as it improves our team.  If it improves their team too, fine by me -- I want revenge for the 1906 All-Chicago World Series, and no better way than by a modern Cubs-White Sox series.

12.  Do be afraid to trade with the Cardinals, unless you are absolutely sure you are getting a good deal -- do NOT cause the next Brock-For-Broglio.

13.  If the Cubs win the world series, consider selling cheap plastic replica world series rings for something like $50 each.  I'm betting about a million of those would sell, at least.  I'd buy one, anyway.

14.  If we don't win the world series next year, and Jim Hendry doesn't pull some moves to try to improve the team between now and the trade deadline, fire the SOB.  We're tired of him.  Hire one of those Red Sox guys with all the brains.

15.  Don't let Bob Uecker sing the 7th-inning stretch at Wrigley again.  I like the guy, liked his book, but you don't sing "brewers" in place of "cubbies" at Wrigley.

16.  I like powers of two, so I'm adding a 16th point.  Uh... Consider getting a tape of Harry Caray singing the 7th inning stretch in place of actual live singers, most of whom have sucked (or worse, see Ozzy Osbourne and Bob Uecker.)

didnt kurt

didnt kurt already write a letter to the owner? i am confused a little about your letter

daryle ward isnt a cub

doug mientkiewicz sucks

we have traded with tht white sox before,

the cardinals dont really have anything we need

most cubs fans are OK with the job jim hendry has done since we have won back-to-back division titles.

i dont need to go any further


As a 20 year old myself, I can say that I don't really understand half of what your talking about. Kurt already wrote a letter to the owner and made way better points then this. I dont need to go any further as NEXTtearNOW pretty much already said what i was thinking.

p.s Doug Mientkiewicz? Seriously?


There's no reason we can't have 2, 3,4 or even 7 letters to the owner. It's really okay.

He's not going to read them anyway. And yes, Ward isn't hear anymore, but Mientkiewicz is the guy he'd be replacing. And to be clear, Mientkiewicz was much better than Ward last year (.374 OBP) and plays superior defense. I'm not saying I want him or that he's even available, but give the guy a break. That's not a crazy concept.

But seriously, why does anyone care that Kurt wrote a letter to the owner. You should feel free to write you yourself. It's the internet, man. It's crazy.

I know. there is nothing

I know. there is nothing wrong with more people writing "letters" to the owner. It's not like hes gonna read them but if your gonna actually write something on this blog for a lot of people to read, it should be well thought out and not have totally random things like " Dont be afraid to trade to the Cardinals". Am I right?

Ehhh, no. Members of the

Ehhh, no.

Members of the Cubs organization absolutely read this blog; I've had confirmation about that directly from a source within the front office. In fact, when John McDonough became president of the Cubs I'm pretty damned positive that he stumbled across this blog and was so pissed by what we were saying that he snarked us as the Cubs Convention. (We wrote up a mockup of his first press conference in which he admitted that he only promised a World Series win because he knew it would make the team a ton of money.) Not to mention that I've been EMailed by an agent representing Carlos Zambrano who wanted to let us know how much the Big Moose loved some of our past work. Do not underestimate the power of what we do - we've been invited to wine tasting ceremonies hosted by Ernie Banks, we've been on ESPN, they absolutely read us.

Furthermore, the only thing I'd mention to PsyMar is that the GM is the one who decides upon trading partners, but considering how rarely teams make trades with their bitterest rivals I don't think it's poorly thought out to suggest that it's possible to make a mutually beneficial trades with sworn enemies.

It's not random; maybe it's misdirected, but it's not random.

Believe it or not I have

Believe it or not I have been a devoted reader of this site for over 2 years now and made this screenname up around that time but for whatever reason, I didn't actually start posting until October (mostly to vent) and then again now. So yea I have been here for quite awhile. Why am i saying this now? I'm not sure (LOL) but yea I witnessed a lot of cool and funny things here. I also do remember the ESPN thing (Im guessing your talking about the ESPN.com special?) and it was you that was on it correct?

C'mon, guys. When I wrote my

C'mon, guys.

When I wrote my letter to Ricketts, I asked for others to add on to it.

A lot of these points are good ones. Maybe some of them seem like no-brainers, maybe some of them don't seem realistic or good, but we are all Cub fans here and we certainly all have our own take on what we want to see in Ricketts.

I'd say cut him some slack, but I'll take it a step further ... post your own, too. Everybody has an opinion. This is the time and place to express it.


I also like powers of two.

well if

we really want to get into it we can all write letter to ricketts. he isnt going to read any of them so it doesnt matter. it wasnt simply saying that kurt's letter was supreme, because honestly i only read about half of each. i have a short attention span and they were both way too long for me.

i was more interested in saying that not all cubs fans feel the same way. bashing jim hendry for what he has done for the team is ignorant. the farm system is a different story but we have won back to back division titles for the first time in 100 years, big jim has done something right.

as for dougy, i would just prefer to play with the Hoff and save some money. ward bad and he is no longer here because of it. derek lee is going to play like 155 games anyways so what does it matter who the back up is. if he gets hurt lets just see what hoff can do.

You really underestimate the

You really underestimate the power of blogs, my friend.

If Ricketts uses a computer in his daily life, I'll bet you money he's Googled his name. If he's a huge Cub fan and follows the team, do not doubt that he's seen the blogs. When he was announced as the preferred buyer by the Tribune, you can bet that he wanted to know what fan reaction was and if he didn't browse blogs and message boards, somebody in his office did on his behalf.

I'm not saying with certainty that he hit up GROTA, but it's not as unlikely as you think.

P.S. The whole reason I wrote mine in sections was so that ADHD sufferers like you could read it in chunks, but I digress

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