Goatriders of the Apocalypse

In which the Dustbag defends his OWN integrity

Come ON, now, peeple...did you think I was just going to let THIS go without comment?

Sure, the man has been gone for two years, we have a new sheriff in town, and he's great and wise and wonderful and all that...fact is, though, the Dustbag wasted at least two, and probably 3 years of our lives, actually, three years and two days if you count Games 6 & 7, as I do. 

No, of course I don't have any PROOF that the reason why Dusty Baker keeps trotting out the impatient, uncoachable Corey Patterson wherever he goes is because CPat is layin' the wood to his daughter.  In fact, recall back in the day, the CPat rumor was him and Gayle Fischer, the formerly passably-hot studio host for Comcast.  But if it is just a rumor, it's a rumor that has a lot of traction.  I love the part that what finally set Dusty in front of a microphone, dude, was that the Houston Asstrolls were asking him about it.  I mean, think about THAT for a second.  Can you imagine the douchebaggery required for a member of an opposing team to go up to the manager and accuse him of 'nepotism' because of a rumored relationship between a player and his daughter.

I mean, say what you want about the grumpy Mets; the Mariners who all hate Ichiro, even the gatdam Sux who take turns calling each other 'slacker'...I think it is safe to go to the podium now and announce the Asstrolls as the "Spent Douchebags of the Year".

As far as Dusty, he's up there "defending his daughter's honor".  Puhleeze, what century is this?  This ain't the Elizabethan Age.  It would be different if, say, he was letting little Darren have unsupervised sleep-overs at CPat's.  But Dustbag's daughter is in her mid-twenties.  If she wants to date a smallish, neurotic, unproductive Major League player, God and the State think there's nothing wrong with it whatsoever.  God bless 'em both.  Go make you some athletic babies.

Dusty is, of course, actually defending his own managerial judgment with this official denial.  There were some (including my own big self) who questioned Baker's decision to bat him leadoff in 2000 freakin Four after his stellar half-season in 2003.  Maybe this was paranoia on our parts, but we figured (correctly) that even with Corey's 2003 high batting average and power, the Cubs did nothing in the standings until Kenny Lofton was installed at the top of the order after Corey's injury.  I didn't mind Patterson batting fifth or sixth that year.  We just were clamoring for a high-OBP guy who was also a smart baserunner.

But, I suppose Baker's decision to put him there in 2004 was not tantamount to sabotage.  Nor was it starting out in 2005, because once again in 2004 Patterson put up numbers, even though he never learned plate discipline nor showed any interest in changing his technique one iota.  But as 2005 dragged on, the same 2005 that CPat posted his legendary .254 OBP and ended with his infamous denial that ANYONE in the Cubs organization ever asked him to change his approach, it was clear that having him bat leadoff cost us huge handfuls of games in and of itself!  For both of their personal protection, the two were separated from one another in 2006, and while in Baltimore, absolutely nothing transpired that would suggest that he learned anything, which led to his release.

Here's where a nasty rumor starts to gain steam - one of Baker's first moves as Reds manager was to go out and get Patterson - curious, when you consider Baker also possessed Jay Bruce on his 40-man roster.  We all got a chuckle out of the signing, but there was no way in God's green earth that Patterson would make the team at Bruce's expense.  Et tu, Bruce?  I consider myself to be a sane man, and this much I can tell you right now, without a second's thought: If I held a major league managerial position, and Corey Patterson played a major role in my losing the role, if I were ever fortunate enough to obtain yet Another managerial job, the very last thing on the face of the Earth I would do is go out and get Corey Patterson.

Or Paul Bako.  Or Jerry Hairston.  Or Kent Mercker.  Or Dave Weathers.

I think I talked myself into it.  Dusty ain't playing Corey because he's planking his daughter.  Dusty is just a dumbass.

As for Jay Bruce...

...the Reds called him up based upon certain picayune contractual details, in order to control his service clock. Dusty had absolutely nothing to do with that, and in fact has played Bruce pretty much full-time since. (Bruce, in fact, has more at-bats than Patterson.)

But someone has to play the outfield with Griffey and Dunn off the team now. Who really cares if it's C-Pat or some other AAAA scrub?

If you will recall

Korey Patterson was signed by the Reds and made the roster AHEAD OF JAY BRUCE! Everyone who endured the last 3 years of Dusty were laughing their heads off. Then he signed Mercker and Hairston and Bako and it was like... Dusty's got all his boys back... all his vets.

Patterson proceeded to hit UNDER the Mendoza line for the entire year.

Bako actually started off hot... then proceed to underperform since May.

Hairston actually fooled everyone and hit very well...

And of course Mercker's arm fell off or something.

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