An Open Letter to the Houston Astros
Dear players, management, and fans of the Houston Astros:
I agree that you got jobbed when you were forced to play us last weekend in Miller Park. Anyone who knows baseball must realize that 99% of the fans who would show up there would be rooting for us. It was a move marked by a lack of imagination, sensitivity, and certainly fueled by greed.
However, it has been over a week, and the whining and bitching coming from your neck of the woods has NOT abated; in fact, it is just getting louder. It is time that you accept a few facts:
1) Where in the name of our Lord do you think you could have held this game and NOT drawn more Cubs fans than Astros fans?? I bet we could outdraw y'all in ARLINGTON! Hell, we outdraw you in your OWN dumpy little juicebox.
2) It was two games out of 162. You are going to miss the playoffs by more than two games. Your first half of the season was pitifully crappy, and you dug a hole too deep to cover up.
3) IF you actually did make the playoffs, as a Wild Card, and even IF you won your round of the NLDS, we would slice and dice you up like the carrots you are. So what the hell are you whining about, anyway?
Now shut up and go haul that waterlogged sofa out of your basement. It stinks to high heaven. Use one part Clorox to one part water to scrub the grunge off yer walls.
The Uncouth Sloth