Goatriders of the Apocalypse

Live blogging the last three (okay, four) innings

...because a full 9 innings is just too hard.

And scrappy Mike leads off the inning with a hit as the game starts anew, tied in the 6th.

8:46 And Lee with another single as Backe fumbles with his shoes.  Backe wearing a nice strappy sandle, fit for a nice summer gather.  Picks up clay like a bitch, though.

8:47 The Astros have a pitching coach names Dewey...I can only assume he's a local hero.  Oh, and the 20k game?  Total crap.  Should have been a no hitter.  I can only assume the appeal is burried in paperwork.

8:48 Oh snap, Len just made the same joke.  Is that a positive?  And if so, for whom? Who?

8:49 Whom?

8:50 Oo, pitching change.  Well, at the close of 4 minutes, the Cubs are still tied 3-3 but have ducks on the pond (metaphorically speaking).  

8:51 Alright, I know that I just saw a commercial telling me that people love comcast, but I'm having a hard time believing it. You see, I had Comcast, and it's not fit for homeless people.  Stick with RCN.  It's muy bien.  And as I type that, we have a Derrek Lee Special.  Boo.  Oo!  More commercials!

8:55 So, Big Z is out, maybe with an injury, but all I can think about is that this live blogging is moving the wrong direction.  Isn't the most current time supposed to be on top?  I've never done this before.  On the plus side, I don't imagine anyone is reading this live, so it can just read as an article.

8:56 I think Zambrano was just dehydrated.  It's freakin' hot out there.  Right?  RIGHT?

8:58 Why is everyone ignoring the real issue here?  Howry is being allowed to pitch in a tied game.  Will we never learn?

8:59 Can I just say that I love that an extra ball fell out of the vines.  Len thinks Edmonds threw the wrong ball.  

9:00 Holy crap, Howry is bad.  But on the plus side, Therior says he is built like a Greek God.  Um...yeah.

9:06 Sorry, got a little stunned by Howry's inability to pitch.  A fun little Did You Know: Howry throws lots of strikes and they all hit bats.  That's bad.  No wait, now a walk.  Holy Crap.  This is an outstanding losing streak we've got going.

9:08 ...and the boo bird reign down.  You know, this commercial for Bud Light and x-ray vision is totally sexist.  You could never get away with a commercial like that featuring a hot chick and then a fat chick.  I'm going to fight this discrimination.  I'm going to form an national organization of men and it shall be called...America.

9:11 ...and, I've officially lost the will to live.  My cat just removed my shoelaces...and hung herself with them.  I'm sad, but really I just don't want to deal with it.

9:12  A seventh run, sure, but not RBI.  Sit on that, Tejada!  Boo ya!

9:14 I'd just like to point out the plus side here: three homers.  And not one of those three homers was a single.  Not one!

9:15 Have I ever mentioned how annoyed I am that they added the tag line to the end of that Pepse commercial "Goodbye Mr. Made-of-different-stuff guy".  Yes, we are too stupid to get that he was made up of different stuff.  We get it.  We're dumb.  Thanks for the clarification.  

9:16 Shit, still haven't got Hawk tickets.  No, seriously, that wasn't sarcasm.  Hockey's fun, I swear.  I mean, do you have something better to do this winter?  Drink?  You can do that at a hawk game.

9:18 Wrestler or super hero?  I think the word you're looking for is "idiot".

BURN

9:20 Ge-o So-to clap clap clapclapclap

9:21 I'm pretty sure he heard my clap clap clapclap clap

9:22 Okay, fine, I love Theriot too.  Oh, what the hell, I love all you'se knuckle heads.  Commere

9:23 Pitching change.  I should probably take this opportunity to pee. Oop, too late, game's back on.  Chris Sampson on the hill.  You know, if you cut off his hair, he loses all his power.

9:24 No really, it's true.

9:27 How is this guy getting outs?  Seriosuly?  Jesus, hit this guy.

9:28 COMEON  COMEON whew, all in the dirt.  An I still have to pee.

9:29 is there any way to describe blocking a pitch in the dirt that doesn't sound like gay fan fiction?

9:30 fair, really?  Come on.  DeRosa time.

9:31 And by DeRosa, I mean Fontenot, and by time, I mean FRICKIN' AWESOME

9:32 Okay, we've got wagers going on how Derrek manages to hit into a double play.  Who's in?

9:33 *sigh* 

9:36 Bladder=void.  Sadly, I didn'y make it to the bathroom but, on the plus side, my khaki shorts are now multi-hued.

9:38 Who's happy to see Angel Guzman?  *raises hand*

9:39 Interesting side note: If you didn't raise your hand, you're a godless communist.  Why do you hate America?

9:41 Guzman is slow.  Maybe he's letting his tendons heal between pitches?

9:42 Oh for God's sake.  Throw a God damn strike.  Jeebus.

9:44 I do believe Brian Campbell is quite ugly.  How was he picked?  The only Blackhawk who had heard of baseball?

9:47 Ah, that's right, the big new free agent.  And Len, Matt Murton jokes with hockey players fall flat every time.

9:48 Holy crap, how can a professional athlete throw that badly?  I mean, I get why I suck, but he's a million dollar athlete.  I'm kind of serious here.

9:49 EDOMONDS!!!!!!

9:50 I'm convinced that the black, viscous fluid that courses through Edmonds's veins is the source of all his power.  What ever it is, I love it.

9:53 When Marmol has control of his fastball, women ans small children cower.

9:54 To be honest, large children also cower.  And small women.  And husky men.  And plus size models. And britney spaniels.  And monkeys.  And some types of tacos.    Soft shell.

9:56 It's fairly hilarious that Gagne has the all-time record for hit/9 innings.  The Brewers signed Bizarro Gagne, yes?

9:58  You and I both know he went around.

9:58 (still) A poem for Carlos Marmol:

There once was a man named Marmol

...shoot, that's all I've got.  I'll keep working on it.

10:01 So...when does Theriot regress to the mean?  Tomorrow, right?

10:02 For those scoreboard watching, the Brewers are all tied up.

10:06 orry, faded for a minute.  But let me just say, I admire the way this guy doesn't throw strikes.  Hey, it's Dewey, local hero!

10:08 And the Mets with the lead!  3-0 on Fontenot!

10:09 Loaded with one out for Derrek Lee.  You know what this means, right?

10:10 ...just too poetic

10:11 How releaved am I that I didn't get the Lee jersey in the off season

10:13 Theriot gets a lot of shit for his baserunning blunders, but at last he only makes one out at a time.  Lee really makes me sad.

10:17 I just heard the Pirates were eliminated.  Somewhere a single tear falls from Bob Walk's eye.

10:20 Whoop...Ramirez brought the slippery glove.

10:23 Okay, we try the poem again:

His last name was Marmol, first name Carlos

His fastball ball was fast, VAMANOS

He went to the game

His resume hall of game

Okay maybe not but he's really good...a mos.

(I'll keep working)

10:27 METS WIN!!!

10:28 I can't believe they bunted with DeRosa.  Insane

10:30 Oh yeah, bottom of the ninth.  Nevermind, that's defensible

10:33  Oooooohhhhh Kaaayyy...Cubs going to extras, Jason getting tired.  Hey, I have to work tomorrow.  Seriously, score a run and make this game go away.  

10:36 And with a nod of the head, Ramirez politely declines the Gold Glove.

10:43 Kerry Wood is very good at baseball.  And yes, I'm getting very tired of blogging the game that will not end.  I'm even thinking of buying a Ford...or a generic prescription

10:43 ....and now I want a Toyota.  And popcorn.  I'm very open to suggestion.

10:46 I'd say don't bunt, but it's Fukudome.  I'm torn.  He's got to take a couple, right?

10:48 Kose-Kay...you're making me sad.

...and company's here, so live blogging ends  Go Cubs.

Epilogue: Alright, so the Cubs lost.  That's 4 in a row at home and they are officially in a slump.  Boo.  Does Lou plan to keep Howry on the post-season roster, cause he's not getting anyone out this year.  I dunno.  Still, they are pretty much sure to make the playoffs, right?

Right?

RIGHT?

Bob Howry is not just bad.

Bob Howry is not just bad. He has lost all ability to even semi-effectively throw to major league hitters

Dear God

Bob Howry came in to allow 3 runs and left with the bases loaded and no outs. Great inning! Is it too late to add good ol Bob Howry to the Douchebag Tournament?

Oh my bad, 3rd is empty, he

Oh my bad, 3rd is empty, he scored on that last single.

yeah

it's much better that that guy at third is now in the dugout. I can't comprehend Howry coming in in any situation that doesn't involve a seven run lead...and a double A team.

I would rather have Eyre

I would rather have Eyre than Howry

I would rather have VD than

I would rather have VD than Howry.

...alright, that might not be true, but Howry really blows.

Haha

I must say, that was quite humorous.

Oh, and you are live

Oh, and you are live blogging the last 4 innings, not 3.

I hate math

It is not my friend. That's why I got a degree in physics, because I hate math.

Chicago Tribune's Chicago's Best Blogs award