Hey, who knew, the Cubs are actually capable of stringing together two wins in a row. I know, shocker.

In case you are one of the three readers who noticed my recent absence and missed me, I have been MIA mostly because of a new Goat Casting project. Against my better judgment, I will be submitting the project to a nation-wide radio show which reviews podcasts, despite knowing that their "review" will consist of them lambasting my effort because of how ridiculously amateurish and jabrone it is. Because I want to make it hard on them to hate me, I've worked diligently to make the audio quality decent, at least. Plus I did a bit that they will hate completely, but I enjoyed making a lot. Still, they'll kill me.

What can I say, I'm a glutton for punishment, and since I come from the Britney School of Marketing, I figure that any publicity is good publicity. Later this week I will be exposing my genitals after shaving my head.

That said, let's talk about today's game.

The Cubs have now won 3 of their last 4. I know, chump change when you consider that they've lost 9 of their last 15. Regardless, it looks like the offense is finally climbing out of the hole it recently dug itself. The Cubs were looking like the Cubs of new today right up until the 7th inning, where they exploded for 6 unanswered runs. Pretty much every regular was involved in today's 12 hit parade, particularly Alfonso Soriano, who went 4 for 5. Oh, and Koss-Kay smacked his second homerun of the season. Did you know that he once hit more than 30 in a single season back in Japan? Granted, their outfield walls often stand as close as 250 feet to home plate, and they are rarely taller than 3 feet*, but I secretly believe that Fooky will one day hit in the double digits in the major leagues; and that day might be as soon as September.

(*Japanese ball players could hop the wall and run down and catch some of the shorter homeruns, but they're just too damned polite. In many ways, it's a better society.  One day, we will conquer them.)

Ryan Dempster went 6 solid innings, striking out 7, and he has already exceeded my wildest expectations. I truly expected him to be chased from the rotation by like, a week ago. It just goes to show that even the smartest of us can be wrong, and since I'm far from being the smartest, it's reasonably surprising that I haven't convinced myself that I'm invincible and stepped into traffic - and toward an early death - by now.

Tomorrow, the Cubs will go for the Revenge Sweep, which is similar to Revenge Sex in that both involve the act of obtaining revenge. Carlos Zambrano will face Randy Johnson. The Big Unit is best known in Chicago for totally and completely owning the Cubs. It's almost like the Cubs travelled to the big city for the first time in their lives, partied a little too hard, met Johnson who promised them easy money and access to their drugs of choice, and promptly turned them into his bitch as he beat them again and again and again and again ... and, seriously, again. El Gordo Unito is 12-0 in 13 career starts against the Cubs with a 1.98 ERA. I'm not making that up. It's almost as if major league hitters who sign on with the Cubs are given a uniform and a manual, and that manual instructs them on how to pee their pants at the sight of Randy Johnson on the pitcher's mound.

Fortunately, he is very old. Plus he looks like a rat. Go get him, boys.