I don’t consider myself a superstitious person, but there is one personal time-honored tradition I try to adhere to every year:

I pick one player on the Cubs that is teetering between success and failure and then I boo him mercilessly. I taunt him. I talk trash to him. I speak disapprovingly of his mother’s abilities to maintain her weight and please a man. I do this all season, but I do it for the team.

See folks, I found out long ago that the players I tended to hate the most on the Cubs always started to play well after I started hating them. For example, last season, my pick was Jacque Jones. He started off the season poorly and my boo’s were like an avalanche upon his ego. Others started to join in on the party. By mid-season, I had a militia of J.J. haters. I even think we made him cry once. Then, Jacque started to actually hit the ball. The haters disappeared, but I remained strong. People questioned why I kept booing him despite Jones’ hot streak. I simply told them, “It is my destiny.” (actually I probably said something much less profound because I was drinking.)

To make a long story short, I use my disdain for a player in order to turn his fortunes around, thus helping the team in the bigger picture. Is it a popular method? Nay. But to each his own.

So now the time has come for me to pick my punching bag for the 2008 season. I’ve seen enough of the Cubs in the spring to know who’s on the bubble and who might need my help.

The obvious choice seems to be Felix Pie. This is a make or break year for him and he has all the qualifications necessary to receive harsh treatment from the fans. He has so much potential to succeed and has had so much hype surrounding him over the last few years that a slow start can really hurt his chances in Chicago. Can I really boo a guy who had his testicles twisted though? If I had my balls all messed up the last thing I would want is some jerk yelling at me from the stands every time I come out of the dugout. For pity reasons, Pie is off the list.

Another guy that fits the bill is Geovany Soto. But Geo has been my boy since his PCL days. Plus, he played well when he came up at the end of last year. I don’t think he is going to need my help.

Alas, my search comes to Rich Hill. He’s been a solid starter the past few seasons and his curveball is sick. He lost a lot of favor with fans this spring however due to control issues and poor performances. Coming into the season there is a lot of uncertainty about how he will perform and there are enough pitchers waiting in the bullpen to replace him. The last thing the Cubs need right now is for Hill to have a bad season. He was counted on to be a rock of consistency this year. Now he looks like anything but that.

So it looks like I have a winner. Rich Hill is going to be my boy. I apologize in advance for all the Rich Hill hating that will be coming over the next season, but trust me, he needs it.