Ronny used all his cheats, and still came up with nothin'.  Foxworthy called him the "dumbest box o' nails we've ever HAD on this here show". and 10 year old Nathan wanted to know if Ronnie's momma sniffed glue before she had him.

If you visit this fine site with any level of regularity, you all know that I think Cedeno has a million-dollar body and a two-cent brain.  He never met a base he couldn't overrun, a rundown he couldn't flummox, an easy grounder he couldn't boot, or a sign he couldn't miss.  He is the anti-Theriot.  If Ryan is The Riot, then what does make Cedeno?  The Barfight with the Huge Chicago OffDuty Cop and the semi-hot 105-pound Russian barmaid? 

I dunno, but I thought for sure that McFail would have jumped all over the chance to reunite himself with Ronnie C in a trade for Brian Roberts.  And, yes, I CAN'T GO A SINGLE DAY without somehow mentioning that I am just sick and tuckin' fired of waiting for this coddamn trade to go down.  Funny thing is, right here's a guy with the physical tools to fill the need himself. 

He's slim, strong, sturdy, and supposedly speedy.  Say that five times fast, hairlip.  But he doesn't know how to run the bases, has a 55% SB%, which is dreadful.  There are two positions on the team that COULD be had by a superior performer - SS and CF - and he has to tools to play either.  I shudder to think of him as the QB of the outfield, as he misses bushelfuls of cutoff men and takes circuitous paths to fly balls that fall harmlessly on our new green grass.  He is a decent enough SS, but The Riot teems with the so-called Intangibles, which is precisely what Cedeno lacks.  He is not Baseball-savvy.  He is anti-Scrappy.  Theriot did so many seemingly positive things last year that it was surprising that his stats were as bad as they were.  Cedeno seems to do so little to contribute that I am always surprised at the end at what stats he HAS.

He is a 25 year old shortstop with a little power potential.  He could end up hitting double-digit HRs if given the ABs.  If he weren't scouted well, or if some team was arrogant enough to believe that they had all the answers, then Cedeno ought to be prime trade bait.  You and I, fellow Cubs fans, both know that he sucks on rye, and I guess it is a testament both to Major League Scouting and Major League Conservatism that he hasn't been snapped up yet by someone else.  He is out of options, and I guess the world is waiting for us to cut him at the end of ST, and then picking him up as a free agent. 

Here, Skippy.  Here's two dimes.  Go to the butcher's and get ya a coupla pounds of brains.  And McFail, if you're reading this, me and your gardener gave your wife the ol' double pommel the other night.  She moaned like a whore.