Goatriders of the Apocalypse

Sell! SELL! SELLLLL!!!!!

This has officially become an abortion. Know what? Suppose they manage to come back and get a Wild Card berth or even the Central title? I don't care. I am totally, thoroughly disgusted with this team, this management and this owner. I suppose at this point in time it is numerically possible for the Cubs to make the playoffs, but even if they did, they're not going to accomplish anything, and even if they did, I dislike this team so much right now, I don't care to see them win anything.

The backslapping bleacher bum owner loves his donut eating GM, who in turn respects his unshaven, slovenly manager, so none of the braintrust is going anywhere this year. Most teams, nay, nearly ALL teams in our place at this point in time would fire their manager. Now, I've never been one to advocate firing a manager for change's sake, because it rarely, if ever, works. But at least you are offered a sliver of hope your team will make like the 2008 Rockies or 2003 Marlins. That kind of thing happens about 0.003% of the time in sports, but that's 3-thousandths percent more hope than we have right now.

So we're not firing anyone. The only two choices that remain is to clean house, or stand pat and rot in the steamy sun. Me, I'm for cleaning house.

One teensy, weensy problem.

We have prospects that teams want, but we'd be crazy to trade them. And the people we'd want to trade? Nobody wants them. Thus is the power and the glory of the explosively obese 8-digit (and in some cases, 9-digit!) contract.

Category 1: the Future, the Untouchables, the Kids

Colvin, Castro, Cashner, Marmol, Wells, Russell, and grudgingly so, only because the state of catching is at an all-time low: Soto. Yes, I said it, you have to keep him, even with his May slump, he's still in the upper half of catchers in the NL.

Category 2: the Poison Pills, the Untradeables, the Albatrosses

Zambrano, Soriano, Ramirez, Silva, Dempster, Fukudome - all are owed over $10MM per annum for multiple annums

Category 3: the Has-beens, Never-weres, and Hangers-on

Fontenot, Theriot, Baker, Chad Tracy, Grabow, Hill, Howry, Stevens, Berg, Caridad, Guzman, most if not all of the rest of AAA Iowa (Hoffpauir, Jason Dubois, Bryan Lahair, Bobby Scales). Any of these guys are just a waiver claim away, and thus won't return much

Category 4: brand new free-agents

Byrd and Nady. Can you trade these guys, legally? If so, would you? Isn't there something terribly desperate about trading a guy you signed this year as a free agent, especially one that hasn't performed badly?

Category 5: not overburdened by contract, past success of some sort

Lee, Gorzellany, and Lilly. And Marshall, I guess. Although he and Marmol ARE pretty much the bullpen, I suppose his value will never be higher.

We don't have enough of value to offer.

What we would get back would not be enough to overcome our deficiencies

Finally, most of these "deficiencies" stem from the Category 2 guys who are not going to be benched or cut, because of their contracts

From three years, we have gone from arguably the best team in the NL to one of the most hopeless.

Enjoy your Blackhawks. Don't get too ahead of yourselves. Gotta win two more before you can plan any Grant Park gatherings.

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