Goatriders of the Apocalypse

We have a good thing going here; but I have one wish

As far as I can tell, hey, as far as I know, there may be a major cover-up conspiracy at hand with the Cubs.  For all of Shirt-tail Jim's* denials and statements to the contrary, it appears that certainly, his ability to improve this ballclub is being hampered by the utter clusterfluck the Tribune Corporation finds itself in.  Or maybe there is something else going on, something more personal?

*why Shirt-tail Jim?  Because like the rest of us fat guys, his shirttail keeps pulling out untucked, due to the massive torque generated around the waistline whenever he gets up out of his chair.  There.  That's enough of the Joe Posnanski-inspired footnotes.  It works for him - I need to find my own schtick

Why else would the start of free-agency pass; the organizational meetings pass; the Winter GM meetings pass; the Winter holidays pass - and the biggest move made thus far to improve our personnel is bringing in the great Joey Gathright.  To do what?  I take it Henry Blanco wasn't quick enough in returning with the coffee-n-crullers from the Dunkin' Donuts, and Felix Pie kept messing up the orders - not only bringing back decaf, but boxes of them damn dry-ass cake donuts with the dippy sprinkles.  Joey not only runs quickly, but presumably has better English language skills than Pie, so when the boss wants custard-filled, he won't come back with creme-filled.

Anyway, the Cubs are making NO news; no Buzz, no improvements.  So, I am going to assume that: either Jim was lying about the autonomy he has; or maybe he is, God forbid, laid up somewhere either with chest pains or perhaps, in a sex parlor in Bangkok with an androgynous companion of indeterminate age.  Don't know which option is preferable, but even with this utter Lack of Progress being made, we (mostly Kurt) have been out here, day in, day out, doing our best to enlighten and inform about the true State of The Cubs.

And you, our gentle readers, have responded.  Our participatory format has allowed all of you, upon registration, to contribute to the site.  Pissing matches about former Ivy League quarterbacks aside, you GoatReaders have proven to be very informed about the game itself, and specifically about our favorite team in the game.  I have been very gratified that nobody here is advocating straight-up-Cedeno-for-Ethier trades.  Nothing is more boring and harmful to a community of sports readers than stupid, unrealistic trade desires.  Nobody here has griped that we didn't spend 70 zillion dollars for the globular CC Sabathia - sure, you probably, like me wanted him here, but we all are realistic enough to know that we could never outspend the Yankees, nor should we.

In short, you are all really great Cubs fans and a credit to our site.  Goatriders.org is fast becoming THE place on the internet for serious Cubs discussion and debate.

I just have one little-bitty, eentsy-teensy wish, though.  I wish we weren't so serious.

Now, not all of us are funny by nature, and I am not asking anyone to force it.  God knows I force it pretty much all the time, and for every reference to Clem from Pontoon Beach, I also toss out dozens of clunkers.  But that is pretty much who I am, as I live, breathe, and walk.  I am just incapable of being serious.  So it goes that my wife made a point the other day that, to the casual Cubs fan, that this site isn't very light-hearted anymore, and I completely and utterly agree with her, and not just because I don't like sleeping on couches.

I understand that, if you have a point to make and you are trying to present a persuasive argument, that many believe that interjecting humor into the argument may merely serve to weaken your position.  But let's keep in mind the Mission Statement: Bringing you Cubs news, analysis, and humor until the end of the world.  Now, Kurt first spelt it "humour", until we pointed out that not only is he not really Canadian, neither is most of our audience, and anyway, it seemed pretentious at the time. 

But maybe we should have just let him ride with it; maybe people are more apt to be "humourous" than merely humorous.  Anyway, you CAN make your point and also laugh about it, too.  I wouldn't even have mentioned it, except for the fact that I KNOW we are all smart people here, and I think we can make something more of this. 

A serious Cubs discussion site serves serious Cubs fans; add some more laughs to it, and you reach not only us, but maybe also the ninnies who still miss Gracie and Sosa; maybe also mopes with bad dandruff and mouth crust who root for the Brewers; hell, if we do it right, we can all be appointed members of the BBWAA or whatever the dick that is, and vote every eligible Cub into the Hall of Fame.  First ballot.*

* just kidding; if they asked me to be in the BBWAA, I would tell them to blow a penguin**. And this is more of a Jason Reiger-type-footnote. 

** good news if you're Ron Cey.  Or the dude from "Happy Feet".

*Hugs Rob*

*Hugs Rob*

Correct me if I'm wrong...

...but Kurt is a US citizen, right? If he is and he now lives in Canada, do the Canucks just consider him another wetback infiltrating their workplace and contributing to the natives unemployment?

Kurt is legal in Canada

that's all I am allowed to say on the subject

US Citizen, Permanent

US Citizen, Permanent Resident of Canada via Family Class (common-law spoused with a Cannuck lady, to be married officially on June 27 of 2009). Legal to work, and in fact am now working government job. Stroke has caused inability to write proper sentences. Seeking help now.

thought you had to shack up 7 years...

...for common law. Or is that just America?

I don't even know if that's

I don't even know if that's the case in America ... in Canada it's something like 2 or 3 years, we've been together for almost 7


Soto was drafted in the 11th round of 2001, unlike a lot of other Hispanic players.

Pujols was taken 402nd

Pujols was taken 402nd overall. His rookie OBP was higher (by one point).

wrong comment

i posted the geo part on the wrong thread. sorry.

albert pujols is a manbearpig though.




SS for super serial.




I would think the job of providing the humor on this site would go to the guys who run the place. That would mean the Goatriders. That's your shtick. And when you guys write something funny, that's great. That's certainly more entertaining than the bashing of certain other blogs that goes on at some sites. I'm just looking for baseball news and maybe once in a while I'll write a comment or two. But I think it's unrealistic of you guys to expect everyone in here to have the chops of Henny Youngman or Robin Williams. As the Bard once said, "Dying is easy, comedy is hard." So don't expect me to provide any chuckles. I love a good joke, but I sure can't write them.

I don't think anybody is

I don't think anybody is expecting you - or anyone else - to start writing dick-and-fart baseball jokes or anything. I think Rob's message is best summed up as a request for the readers - and especially the writers - to not take ourselves so damned seriously. We're a blog whose logo is the grim reaper riding atop a goat. Opinion is great, argument is fantastic, disagreement is inevitable, but some of us (especially me) get so caught up sometimes that we forget that we're supposed to be having fun.

It's not about having to provide humor ... I think it's about not being so damned serious, and we don't have to write for the website to strive for that lofty goal.

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