Goatriders of the Apocalypse

Jim Haley can choke on a bag of poinswatters

Preface (disclaimer)
We aren't bad guys here.  If you ever met us in person, you'd probably be surprised by how polite we are.  I think any one of us -- not just myself -- would be high on a list of people least likely to incite a riot.  Even if you think our internet personas are those of raging dicks and enormous assholes (a perfect match for each other, I'm sure you'd agree), I'd argue that we are mostly misunderstood and, in that mythical place known as "Real Life," we have many friends and few-if-any enemies.  And that's pretty ironic, since I tend to say outrageous things in person that I would never say on the internets.

Still, I have about a zero tolerance level when it comes to people who attack one of my own.  Ironically, if you attacked me, I would try to buddy up with you and would be generally polite, no matter how dickish you get, but if you attack one of mine, it's Game On.  Which brings us to this article's topic.

Recently, Rob, myself, and others have been expressing Cubbie Cynicism with very little reluctance.  What's the point of writing something if you aren't going to be truthful, after all?  I know that some of you do not want to be reminded of what a ridiculously crappy season the Cubs are having, and nobody likes to read about how the obvious moves of firing Jim Hendry and Lou Piniella are not likely to occur, but does that mean we shouldn't write about it? 

If you think about how you feel when you watch a game, and the way you express yourself after a particularly awful, disappointing play, is it fair to deny us the same emotions and the same responses?  Would we be Cub fans if their play didn't piss us off?

And yet, after a recent post, Rob received the following EMail from Jim Haley:

"Clean up your language using 4 letter words in your posts.  Please stay away from the Cubs...We don't need you.  Better yet, move to Alaska so we don't have to read your comments."

I have to ask Mr. Haley: who gives you the authority to tell anybody on this blog -- or anywhere else, for that matter -- what they can or cannot say?  Who gives you the authority to speak on behalf of the Cubs?  "We don't need you?"  Huh?!?  And please, sir, I'm dying to know... what makes you think that Alaska doesn't have the internet?

In another exchange with Rob, this arrogant douchebag wrote, "I figured it out after reading the website comments from others... u are far from being the Cubs.  The other posters have some smarts&common courtesy with what they write to all ages.  Cubs nation is young&old.  Go out & have a Bud with Ricketts when you can afford a bleacher seat.  I'm sure he will listen to 'MR. CUB"/ (sic) give me a break.

"Oh, watch who you call names too (sic)....paybacks could be hell"

Jim Haley, I'm not sure where you think you were given authority over the internets, but I would like you to know that I hereby quit you as a reader on GROTA.  This blog is written by -- and for -- passionate, dedicated, intelligent Cub fans.  The people who come to this website understand what it means to put one's heart behind a sport, no matter how often it's broken, and we know what it's like to feel sometimes cynical and always disappointed. 

But we don't have a spot for you here.  You don't belong.  But as far as name calling goes ...

You are a throbbing galoot, sir, whose fingers are better served to be wrapped around an army of poinswatters rather than to type comments on the internet.  Your baseball acumen is equitable to that of a child, and your time would be better spent learning how to tolerate those with a more sophisticated lifeview than your own, rather than to dictate how the rest of us should express ourselves in public.

In other words, rude people like you are the reason why couples should take parenting tests before being permitted to reproduce.  Because if you were raised right, you wouldn't be quite so ridiculously rude, nor full of yourself.

But in the name of tolerance, I'll just say this much more to you ... you are absolutely, completely, 100% welcome to disagree.  You are well within your rights as a human being to believe that Jim Hendry poops gold and the Cubs are only two lucky breaks away from World Series Domination.  You can think that we're vulgar, you can believe that we're idiots, you can badmouth us to every Cub fan with half an interest in blogs, but when you start telling us what to do and think you are crossing a line.  And when you begin making subtle threats about how we better watch ourselves, then you are more than just crossing a line -- you're hurdling it in a full sprint.  My advice to you: don't do that, you might not like where you land.

So keep on crossing it, Jim Haley, and never look back.  We'll both be happier without you.

hey, Jim

paybacks ARE hell, aren't they?

Hey Kurt!!!!

Fuck Ya!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

A BAG of Them?

I had never heard/read the word "poinswatter" before, and thought Kurt might be introducing us to a disgusting but popular Canadian delicacy. Turns out that may in fact be true, but finding it in a Google-search along with the term "penis synonym" has convinced me I wouldn't like it.

Having read too many readers comments at the end of an article, I'm convinced that it doesn't matter what you say, somebody out there will disagree so violently that you will wonder if you should get a bodyguard. I wonder if the incidence of stroking out has gone up since the internet became such a big part of our lives. I could KIND OF empathize with the remark about using the F-bomb if you have younger kids that read this blog, but back when my kids' ears were too delicate for that word I'd either have told them they weren't old enough to read it, or I'd have made them understand that reading the word did NOT give them permission to use the word. But that's me.

Regarding the Cubs Cynicism: speaking as a Cardinals fan, it really takes the fun out of things for me. You guys get on the Cubs WAY more than I would feel decent about doing at this point in the season. Thanks a lot! Maybe Sayers could say something outrageously optimistic that I could ridicule? Please?

Personally, I enjoy making

Personally, I enjoy making calloused fun of the Cubs, rather than being cynical, but that's just my style. I could argue that my posting has gone down dramatically because I'd rather say nothing than say something bad, but mostly I've just been busy.

That said, I can give you my word that when I post, it might be critical but it won't lack in being silly, at least a little. I mean, take this article as an example. I wanted to say really, really mean things to this guy, but I softened the blow by using terms you have to google to understand. That makes it better, right?

...right?

Right!

Well, in my book anyway.

Chicago Tribune's Chicago's Best Blogs award