A note to the fine people of Seattle, Washington
First of all, congratulations on convincing a world racked with recession that extremely expensive coffee drinks are a necessity that we cannot live without. That's a fine trick, right there. But I didn't come here to talk java, but what I do need to talk about can result in elevated blood pressure.
I bet I have some sort of notion how relieved you must have felt when your new braintrust got rid of one of the most corpulent pitchers of all time, who is also a Wall Street level criminal, for as much as he's stealing. Yes, he is completely worthless, but he also seems nearly harmless. Maybe our braintrust will invent an injury for Silva the Hutt, or merely cut him and the remainder of his wookie-sized contract. But, worst case, he takes up a spot on our roster, he gets run out there at the end of blowouts, and everyone has fun trying to guess what size uniform pants he's wearing this week.
On the other hand, many of you were excited about your return on the trade. "We got SOMETHING back for Silva," many of you cried, "and he's an actual hitter and ballplayer!"
Well, geez, less-see here. I myself don't follow Mariners ball very closely. I couldn't name five guys on your roster, in fact. Perhaps you, similarly, don't follow Cubs baseball very closely, either. I won't bore you with the details,
Here's the synopsis: man finds trouble no matter where he goes. Man joins Texas for one year, he plays well for a lousy team, and has a career year. Man leads the AL in OPS. But, for some reason, Texas does not attempt to keep man. Man claims he has seen the error of his ways, and cites the need for financial security as the root of all his past evil. The Cubs provide him with that financial security, and man expresses joy. But man comes in and posts a 12 homer, 41 RBI year hitting in the middle of the order of a team who won 97 games the previous year. Oh, and Texas? Without man, has their best season in nearly a decade.
Now, having had a winter to think about it, the man blames Chicago, rather than, you know, himself, for his poor performance. According to him, we are all racists in Chicago, and we made his life a living hell. Because we have a long history of hating African Americans. Such as Derrek Lee. Michael Jordan. Harold Baines. Ernie Banks. Billy Williams. Walter Payton. Oprah Winfrey. Barack Obama. Thing is, that's the way it always has been with this man. He has no inclination to take responsibility for anything in his life. A true microcosm of the decline of America.
So, chances are, you will not succeed with this man. In fact, God help you all if Milton Bradley gets off to a slow start. Doesn't your part of the country lead the nation in suicide rate? That's not a good place for him to be, I reckon.
Good luck in 2010. Can't say I didn't warn ya.