First, I would like to take this opportunity to mention that I am an idiot. (Many of you are not surprised.) I was on the Jon Miller Show again yesterday, and I forgot to promote it on GROTA. I always was a fool of a Took.

Second. I think we are all excited by how the Cubs have been playing. The Cubs haven't had this good of a winning streak since 2001, when, on June 7th, the Cubs were 36-20 in part thanks to a 12 game winning streak. Of course, we all know how that season panned out - a trade for Fred McGriff (aka McStiff, who ate ass) proved to be a total bust as the Cubs missed the playoffs despite a respectable 88 win season.

At this point, the Cubs are 38-21. If they can even only play roughly .500 ball here on out, they will be a 90-win team, and that should be enough to take the central division. But we all know that the Cubs could and should do better than .500 ball, and while they will experience a few painfully depressing and stressful losing streaks between now and October, I'd be shocked and disappointed if they failed to win a respectable 95 games plus.

Since Len Kasper and Bob Brenley took control of the booth in Chicago, it has been a running joke that Kas will grow a mustache if the Cubs can ever win 10 games in a row. Actually, I can tell you now that he plans on cheating. We've interviewed Kasper in the past - and I'm going to try to secure some interview time with him again in the future - and he has informed us that, should the 10 game streak ever occur, he will skip the mustache and go straight to the goatee. Anyway, we received an EMail this morning from somebody best known as "Logg Men," of Out of Right Field, who sent us a well-done photoshop of what Kasper would look like with a lumberjack 'stache. To be perfectly honest, it beats my old Kasper What if 'chop from back in the day:

I support the foo.

I'm a little all over the road in this post. Let's get back on track ... a few Cubs stats that I find interesting.

Cubs on pace to drive in 80-or-more RBI: Mark DeRosa - 89. Derrek Lee - 105. Alfonso Soriano 130!!! (OUR LEADOFF GUY!) Geovany Soto - 113. Aramis Ramirez - 115.

Cubs on pace to walk 80-or-more times: Mark DeRosa - 78 (close enough). Geo Soto - 87. Ryan Theriot - 89. Aramis Ramirez - 98 (note: A-Ram's career high is 50. He's already got 34 after only 55 games. Even better note: He's also only got 35 k's). Fukudome - 105.

Cubs with an OPS above .800: Fukudome - .843. DeRosa - .855. Edmonds - .867 since signing with the Cubs. D-Lee .870. Soriano - .895. Carlos Zambrano - .902. Seriously. Geo Soto - .944. Aramis - .968.

Projected record of Cubs starting pitchers: Jason Marquis - 8-8, 167 IP, 5.02 ERA, 74 BB, 93 K. Ted Lilly - 14-11, 178 IP, 5.54 ERA. Ryan Dempster - 19-5, 206 IP, 2.75 ERA. Carlos Zambrano - 22-3, 236 IP, 2.51 ERA. Sean Gallagher is projected to start in 25 games this year, where he'll pitch 140 innings, striking out 120, walking 45, and winning 15. (We'll see how that one holds up.)

ERA of the bullpen in May: Kerry Wood - 2.70, Bob Howry - 1.76, Michael Wuertz - 1.35, Carlos Marmol 1.93, Jon Lieber 2.08. Nobody else threw more than 4 or 5 innings.

The Mysterious Case of Ryan Theriot

As Colin has grown tired of pointing out, there's no way in flaming hell that Ryan Theriot will keep up his absurd numbers - and even with the numbers he's absurdly keeping up, some cracks are showing. Despite a .321 batting average and a .407 OBP, Theriot somehow has managed to see his OPS dip down into bench star territory - .793. Not to mention the fact that this supposedly speedy guy who's on pace for nearly 200 hits is also somehow on pace for only 26 doubles and 3 triples, along with his 8 times caught stealing in 18 attempts.

Here's the thing. With all due respect to our resident brain, even if and when Theriot's batting average returns to reality, the man is still on pace to draw close to 90 flippin' walks. Dusty Baker once remarked that "speed don't slump." He was wrong. It's plate discipline that don't slump, and so long as Theriot remains on pace to walk far more often than he strikes out, then he remains the most viable starting shortstop on the team. Sorry, Colin, Ronny Cedeno just won't cut it.

Pitching help is on the way

Not too long ago, I wrote a hypothetical article about possible "pitch help" that the Cubs could snag should teams with downward trends continue that way. I noted that early trade candidates included Aaron Cook, Chris Young, Tim Redding, and Erik Bedard - not that any of those guys prompt me to go out and buy celebratory champagne. Now that it's June 1st, things look a little clearer. And since I'm writing an epic post - is this my Stairway to Heaven? - it wouldn't be complete without a few thoughts on who the Cubs might nab should Jim Hendry rediscover the ability to make season-changing trades.

As of this writing, it's a safe bet to say that the following teams will be sellers - perhaps from their divisions respected cellars - in July: Baltimore, Cleveland, Detroit, Kansas City, Seattle, Washington, the Reds, Pittsburgh, San Francisco, San Diego, and Colorado.

Teams hanging on that I'd love to see collapse if only for the chance for Hendry to spring on their best, most tradable parts: Toronto, Texas, Atlanta, Houston, Los Angeles.

While guys over on the Desipio boards are arguing about how 29-year-old multi-kazillionaire Gil Meche would be a drastic improvement on Jason Marquis (Meche looks like refried shiz), the dewy-eyed, optimistic Cub fans out there are looking at the Rick Sutcliffe of our generation, 27-year-old stud C.C. Sabathia.

Like the Sut, C.C. would be coming to Chicago from the city where a lake once caught on fire. Like Rick, C.C.'s numbers with his pre-trade team fail to impress. Like the Sut, Sabathia is tall, has logged a lot of innings while still early in his career, (Rick was 27-turning 28, C.C. is 27-turning 28) and could inject an ace's presence on a team desperately in need of one. In many ways, it would be beautiful.

It's pretty damned unlikely, though. The Indians know what they have, and the demands made for Sabathia would be phenomenal. Perhaps they'd consider a package including ... oh, I dunno, every viable minor league talent the Cubs have, including Felix Pie, Sean Marshall, Sean Gallagher, and a whole whack of others. For Sabathia, I'd do it.

A more likely option in my opinion is A.J. Burnett. A.J. still has a couple of years left on his contract. He has dominating stuff. He's never really put up ace numbers. He has a proneness to be injured. It's a perfect storm, but it won't happen if Toronto keeps chasing Tampa and Boston.

What will Jim Hendry do? Probably nothing worth dancing about. However, this appears to be a season of surprises. Something will happen.

In closing

Finally, I would like to briefly remark that, while I know it makes me a homer, I remain an advocate for the return of Greg Maddux. I know, I know, he's a #4 pitcher at best. He won't be a reliable playoff starter. He's not going to drastically improve the team - altho', Christ, he'd be better than Marquis. It's just a thought that I happen to advocate, y'know, because I'm lame.

And if you stuck with me throughout this epic post, then good for you. I hope it was moderately informative. And if you don't think it was, then you can screw off.  Just kidding, we love you all!