Where have you gone, Mark DeRosa?
Guest: How big does it look right now to not have DeRosa on the roster?
This was a question asked by somebody wishing to remain anonymous. Well, GROTA is nothing if not fair, and we are going to take a look at two things ... the first is How DeRosa is Doing, the second is How DeRosa Would Do. It will all be self-explanatory. Read on.
How DeRosa is Doing
Between trips to the capital to help successfully manage the bailout Mark DeRosa is a man pulled between two loves - baseball and science. Miraculously, he's found time to both.
You see, a recent brain study - done by known PhD holder Mark DeRosa - confirmed something many had suspected for years: Mark DeRosa is a superman genius. His brain functions are so dramatically excelerated that he has the ability to perceive the world so quickly that he effectively has lightning fast reflexes. Consequently, he enjoys inventing new, revolutionary scientific devices between the moments of when the pitcher releases the ball and it connects with his bat. DeRo is that awesome.
However, he has been suffering from distractions of late as he has struggled to find an answer to the riddle of the African drought that has plagued Niger for the past 4 years. Consequently, he is only batting .997 while leading the undefeated Indians to what some pundits believe to be a likely perfect season.
So to answer Guest's question, how big does it look right now to not have DeRosa on the roster? It's huge. It's horrible. After all, while DeRo is busy redefining "leadership" for the 6-11 Indians, the Cubs are learning how to live without his .208 AVG.
How DeRosa Would Do
But imagine if DeRo were here? Wouldn't it be great!? The Cubs! They'd be rock stars! Like tonight - the Cubs were losing already to St. Louis when David Patton came in. Problem was that he turned it into a route by allowing 5 earned runs and probably cementing the end to his experimental status on the Cubs roster. If DeRosa was here, he could have stepped in for Patton and struck out Albert Pujols. Then, he could have led off the next inning with a homerun.
BAM! Just like that. Game changed, Cubs win.
Or, he could just be another Cub batting 100 points below his career average producing insufficiently, driving us nuts.
Anyway, I've got a rule I try to stick by. That rule is to never make it personal. So Guest, when I say that your comment about DeRosa is perhaps the most idiotic thing said by anybody so far this year, please understand it's your opinion that I think is ridiculously stupid, not you.
For a point of reference, I have long held the opinion that I should be able to wear my baseball jerseys into my place of work, a government office here in Toronto. But my opinion about the dress code at work is stupid and it's wrong. I just need to learn how to live with it.