Before the season starts, we at Goat Riders want to take a look at what we can expect for the upcoming season. Wins, losses, fatalities...that sort of thing. We sent around a bunch of questions and below you will find answers which represent the collective wisdom of the Goat Riders

Q: What will the Cubs' final record be?

Jason: 92-70. First place in the central over the Cardinals by five games, bitches.

Kurt: 78-84. The Cubs are an excellent team with a great shot at post season glory. However, they've never achieved post season glory when I've predicted it. So, while I think they CAN pull it off, I'm going to predict that they won't.

Mike: I can't even hazard a guess. Let's just hope it's better than Zeppelin's final record.

Jeff: Better, but not that much better. 85-77? It might still good enough to win the Division - everybody else, with the exception of the Brewers, will be terrible. St. Louis will slump to a 32-130 record which will see La Russa and Jocketty sacked and living under a bridge by the trade deadline.

Byron: 85 - 77. A sixteen win improvement in a weak division will keep the true blue fans riveted through the final two weeks of the season, but too many AAA callups getting their first big league starts for Reds, Pirates, and Marlins will vex the Cubs bats.

What player are you most excited about this season?

Jason: Derrek Lee. So far he's had one season out of line with his career and one injured season, so I want to see what he can really do. Personally, I thought he looked pretty damn good last year before he went down.

Kurt: Alfonso Soriano. He's going to have quite the weight on his shoulders this year, but if he delivers, then he'll be a tremendous offensive asset. I'm looking forward to him becoming a fan favorite in Chicago, and I hope he has a great year.

Mike: 4 words: Kerry. Wood. Cub. Closer. At least until his right arm flies off and hurtles into section #15.

Ouch. I though T.S. Eliot told us that APRIL was the cruelests month. Next answer: Category: Obvious: Fonzie (DLee--Honorable mention). Category: Subtle: Rich Hill (Angel Guzman--HM)

Jeff: Mark Prior. Yeah, I know. But just imagine, if he's healthy and pitching like he did in '03? That gives me the right horn. (Ed: this was written before Prior's first Spring Start. Guh)

Byron: Carlos Zambrano. He's going to be 26 in June, and a free agent at the end of the year. Everyone knows he's got potential, and one of these years he's gonna put it together. Why not a contract year.

If you couldn't bat Thunder Matt in the two spot, who would you write in?

Jason: I think the only other decent #2 option is Barrett, but it's been made pretty clear to me in the last few years that the second baseman bats second, so I have to say Mark DeRosa. It's known at the Symmetry of the Deuce.

Kurt: Depending on how he hits in Chicago, I'd go the Dusty route and use DeRosa. He doesn't have a lot of speed, nor does he hit for a ton of power, but if he can bat .280 or higher, then he should be getting on base at a .340 or .350 clip, which is respectable from the #2 spot.

Mike: If Jock Jones had just a teeny weeny bit more patience at the plate, he'd fit the bill. His 4-3 groundouts on 2-2 pitches with Soriano--already having stolen second base during the at-bat-- moving to third base with one out in the first inning for DLee and Ramirez is just the kind of instant pressure the Cubs need to start establishing in order to develop a consistent and reliable formula for winning baseball. But, since Jones is just as liable to pop out to the shortstop on the first pitch as he is to tire a pitcher out and move a runner over, then uhh, Michael Barrett.

Jeff: Gotta be Mikey Barrett and his testicle. Or, if Floyd's in the lineup, you could do worse.

Byron: Alfonso Soriano would be an ideal #2 hitter, but I suppose I should stick to a scenario with at least a remote possibility of occurring. So, I'd like to see Michael Barrett in the #2 spot. That dude could be en fuego if Sweet Lou was Psycho enough to write him in there... hey, where's my wallet?

If everybody is healthy, who would your starting five be?

Jason: Everyone healthy, like, for real? Like, I can close my eyes and make believe?

Big Z
Prior
Hill
Lilly
Miller

Kurt: Obviously, Prior would be nice to have were he healthy, but that's not going to happen. But in Pretend Land (where I am King and Charlize Theron is my Queen), I've got Zambrano, Prior, Lilly, Marquis, and Hill in my rotation.

Mike: Zambrano
Lilly
Prior
Hill
Wade Miller

Folks, meet Jason Marquis. Your Twenty-One Million Dollar Mopup Man.

He'll start the season as our unofficial #5 (officially, Lou's got him at #4. Oy), but God willing, and I know we should all know better by now than to even consider hope, Prior will bump him out by early May. And if he can't, bring on the Gooze.

Jeff: Zambrano
Santana
Oswalt
Webb
Halladay

Oh, wait. My starting five that are acually available to the Cubs? Well, you didn't say that, did you? You need to be more specific in future. Next question, please.

Byron: Zambrano. Lilly. Hill. Miller. Prior.

What will be the first horrific injury of the 2007 season. Will it occur before or after opening day?

Jason: Kerry Wood, in late September. Shocking the nation with a glorious run at closer, he makes it into the final month with 36 saves and a sparkling 2.72 era (I'm shocked too, believe me). However, upon delivery a fastball an audible pop reverberates through the ballpark and a horrified Michael Barrett catches a bloddy, disembodied right arm, still clutching a baseball. The irony? Perfect strike, right down the middle.

Kurt: I don't think Prior or Wood count as "horrific" injury cases anymore, because you can only be "horrified" so often by the same thing. If Aramis Ramirez goes down, the Cubs are screwed. If it happens, it will be either before the end of May, or sometime in September.

Mike: Friday, June 1st. On the Atlanta Braves' first visit to Wrigley, former WGN torture administrator Chip Caray will step out of his clown car on Waveland, and get run over by Ronnie Woo Woo and His Fantastic Red Bicycle.

Jeff: Carlos Zambrano will take a Jim Edmonds comebacker to the groin. There will be a "clang", and then Carlos and his balls of steel will tear Edmonds a (large) new one, landing him on the DL for the rest of his natural life. I hope.

Byron: Aramis Ramirez will have a 1.047 OPS with 15 HRs already by the third inning of the May 14 game against the Mets (at Shea.) He'll be coming up after a D-Lee two rund jack with two outs. He'll get on top of a Pedro Martinez sinking fastball sending a rocket one-hop at David Wright. While hustling on his way to first, he'll tear his hamstring, causing him to stumble and fall forward. He'll try to break his fall with his right hand, but will only succeed in breaking his wrist and dislocating his shoulder.

What will be Hendry's big mid-season trade?

Jason: The Cubs will be in dire need of a shortstop, so he'll acquire the "good" Alex Gonzalez, causing me to throw up upon hearing the name announced over the loudspeaker. Somewhere in the distance, a shiver goes up Bartman's spine.

Kurt: It would be nice if he had the ability to make a big trade for some pitching help. Not that our rotation is horrible, but it could always be stronger. A shortstop would be nice, too.

Mike: His Dunkin Donuts "Free Coffee When The Cubs Score In The First inning" voucher card for Carlos Zambrano's Dunkin' Donuts fritter.

Seriously, though. I don't see any BIG trades happening unless someone BIG gets injured and they're still contending. I imagine that if things go according to the optimal projection that Dempster, Jones and Scott Moore could be use for reinforcements.

Jeff: In keeping with seasons past, when Lee, Ramirez, Soriano and Lilly have all picked up season-ending injuries in the same game (against the Dodgers, natch), Hendry will go out and trade away the entire farm system for Jeff Conine, David Bell, Damon Buford and... oh, hang on - Jason Marquis is already a Cub...

Byron: With the horrendous injury to Aramis, Mark DeRosa will be moved to third and the Cubs will trade Mark Prior and Kerry Wood to the Tigers for Neifi Perez. Perez will start 100 games at second as Ryan Theriot rides the pine. Wood and Prior will finally be far enough from the Hellmouth that they snap out of it and end up tied for first in the AL Cy Young award voting.

Seriously? If the Cubbies are in the thick of it, I'd guess Eric Patterson and Felix Pie sent to Florida for Dontrelle Willis. I think in July the C-suite will finally realize that they have two many #5 starters and not enough heft at the top of the rotation. Plus, you gotta figure Dontrelle's $6.45 million salary is getting a little too hefty for Jeffrey Loria.

Predict Derrek Lee's final line.

Jason: .307, 37, 125

Kurt: .295 AVG, 35 homeruns, 120 RBI, 4 run-ins with the law

Mike: .315/.634/.410

38 HR, 117 RBI, 12 stolen bases.

Jeff: .300/.400/.600

If he plays against the Dodgers in May :

13 HR 40 RBI 4 SB

If not :

42 HR 120 RBI 12 SB

Byron: .330/.400/.550 40 doubles, 40 dingers, 10 steals, 130 RBI, 110 runs, 80 BB, 90 Ks.

Predict Rich Hill's final line.

Jason: 9-8, 4.27 ERA, 181 IP

Kurt: 12-8, 4.25 ERA, 180ks in 190 IP

Mike: 8-9. 4.10 ERA. 192 IP, 187 K, 78 BB. His inability to go deep in a lot of games will cost him some decisions.

As you can see, Rich's performance this Spring has altered my mood for the better. Let's give him 14-12. I'm not budging on the ERA. Still some ropes to learn. And don't forget who his pitching coach is.

Jeff: "Kiss me, Hardy."

Oh, not that kind of final line?

12-8, 4.00 ERA 1.30 WHIP 180K, 60BB. All in all, not too shabby.

Byron: 13-11, 3.85 ERA, 200 IP, 170 K, 80 BB, WHIP =1.15

Over/under on # of saves for Demspter, line is set at 25.

(note: most all of these responses were submitted before Dempster's nice Spring, so some of them are probably a tad pessimistic)

Jason: under, 7. Think Mel Rojas.

Kurt: Over, 40. Dempster is going to bounce back, and the Cubs will need him to if they have any shot at competing.

Mike: Now that Kerry Wood has apparently just retired or something, let's look at what we got here. Is Dempster really our guy, Cub fans? Or will Bob Howry need to be inserted after Rye Guy blows four games before Memorial Day? Or does Michael Wuertz bust out the "Joe Borowski From Rages To Riches" fireman suit? Who knows, but if Dempster's anything like he was last year, something will obviously need to be done. I'm going to be an optimist though, and give him 32 saves with a 4.10 ERA. He'll stumble, there'll be some adversity, Howry, Eyre and Wuertz will need to record a couple saves each, but Demps won't be as bad as last season. He can't be. Can he?

Jeff: Way, way under. I fully expect him to have lost the closer's job by the middle of May, to Wood if he's not yet injured. I really, really hope he proves me wrong.

Byron: I'll take the over. Guessing 34. Doesn't look like Woody's gonna take that job from him anytime soon.

Most shocking story of 2007?

Jason: Other than the Cubs winning the World Series? How about Lindsey Lohan dating Albert Pujols, thus derailing his career a-la Brooke Shields and Andre Agassi. Much like Agassi, he wouldn't recover for a solid 5 years, when he returns to greatness at the tender age of 67.

Kurt: "Cubs lie about liking Murton, plan on starting Floyd 162 games in left field." Wait, you said shocking. Uhm... I dunno.

Mike: "Investigators uncover MacPhail/Selig plot to keep Cubs perpetually bad."

Jeff: Piniella tuns Cubs into non-excuse-making, fundamentally sound team that this reporter can get behind for the first time since 2003. Also, cures cancer, walks on water.

Byron: Lou Piniella suffers a heart attack after watching Super-Jacque airmail a ball from right field into the dugout while trying to gun down Jim Edmonds at the plate.

First to bite off an umpire's head: Carlos or Piniella?

Jason: Clearly the answer here is Carlos. Carlos will make Piniella look like Ghandi on valium.

Kurt: Carlos, obviously. In fact, he may mow through Piniella to get to the umpire. It'll be ugly. And hilarious.

Mike: I don't care. So long as it's the head of CB Bucknor or Eric Cooper.

Jeff: Perhaps they could do it like the sausage race in Milwaukee? Start Lou and Z in opposing dugouts and see who reaches and dismembers the second base ump first. I've never seen a man beaten to death with his own facemask, but it's bound to be a crowd pleaser. Oh, and my answer? Carlos. He reads Goatriders, and I don't want him coming after me for picking Lou.

Byron: Piniella returns from three weeks in the hospital and bites off Bruce Froemming's head after the umpire rules that D-Lee pulled his foot off the bag on a routine ground-out. Piniella later blames the incident on a reaction to his heart medicine.

When the Cubs win the World Series in 2007, what form will the Apocalypse take

Jason: zombie goats. Book it.

Kurt: Well, first all the waters will turn into blood. Then, the forests will burn. After that, the beast will rise and devour the unholy. ... uh... this is making me uncomfortable.

Mike: Jay Mariotti will pen a column that serves a purpose other than emergency toilet paper. It is written.

Jeff: The Angel of the Lord will descend from heaven and distribute enough humble pie for the fans of all the other Major League teams to have their fill - with extra portions for Sux and Tards fans; the south side of Chicago and St Louis will be swept away by a tidal wave of blue Kool-Aid, amid much weeping and gnashing of teeth (but not from me); and Bud Selig will declare baseball officially over, so that the Cubs remain World Champions in eternity. Huzzah!

Byron: All the world's water will turn to blood, but the north branch of the Chicago river will be blue rather than red.