You what's a funny joke? To say that Tomas Perez is just like Neifi Perez and that we replaced one stiff with another. Yep, that's pretty funny...until you realize just how true it is. And then you wonder why Tomas is getting a minor league invite and Neifi made $2.5 million in 2006. And then you throw up a bit in your mouth.

Seriously, take a look at Tomas and Neifi. They are almost identical offensively, except that Neifi has been given more at bats over his career than Tomas (read: been allowed to make more outs). Tomas is exactly were he belongs, fighting for at bats and a roster spot while Neifi, up until his recent stint with the Tigers, has been tagged with the starter label over and over again. It boogles the mind. My mind is literally boggled. You could form 3, 4, or 5 letter words with the letters jumbled in my head.

So, a signing like this in when I a) thank the sweet, merciful baseball gods that Dusty has departed and b) pray that my impression of Uncle Lou is correct. I think that Piniella is not the sort to just hand over a job to Tomas when there are an infinite supply of better options just because of his sweet, veterany center. I think that Lou will not see a player who can (technically) play all the positions and wet himself at the thought of the number of possible lineup configuration he could wring out of such a player. I certainly hope so, anyway, as the Cubs have a plethora of better infield options and, as I pointed out here, are all filled up with versatility.

Now don't get me wrong, Tomas is a fine player to have at AAA. Every AAA team needs someone like him to regail career minor leaguers with stories of white balls for batting practice and ballparks like cathedrals. Or, in the event of (several) injuries, come up to the majors to play defense for a few weeks. He just shouldn't ever get 500 at bats. Because it would be ridiculous for a player of Perez's ability to ever get 500 at bats. Right?

Oh, I could go on and on about how Tomas is just Neifi with a worse agent and continue to take shots at Dusty and his misuse of bench players, but that would be avoiding the real issue. The real controversy is, how did Tomas Perez get the nickname "Pieman"? Luckily, this issue has already been addressed and the answer revealed:

Tomas "Pieman" Perez likes to throw pies in players' faces! Ha!

Um, okay. Let it never be said that baseball players aren't original.

But hey, any man who's a fan of a pie fight is a fan of mine. There ain't nothing funnier than a pie to the face. Right Moe?