Goatriders of the Apocalypse

Pujols, All-American Kiss-Ass

Submitted by Jason on February 8, 2007 - 6:45pm
In a story that reads like an Onion article, ESPN reports that Pujols received a 100% on his citizenship test, a feat I'm fairly certain I couldn't accomplish (I can never remember which president chopped down the cherry tree and which grew marijuana). But wait, there's more:
"He even answered a bunch of additional questions and gave us more answers than we asked," Moyer said. "He clenched his fist and said, 'I got 100 percent!'
Not included in the article, but later released, were the additional questions answered by Pujols:
  • Al's father is 45. He is 15 years older than twice Al's age. How old is Al? Karen is twice as old as Lori. Three years from now, the sum of their ages will be 42. How old is Karen?
  • Prove xn + yn = zn has no non-zero integer solutions for x, y and z when n > 2
  • Does the Chalupa fall into the Taco or Burrito family? Please cite your sources.
  • What were the Roaring 20's really like? Was it just like the Great Gatsby?
  • Why do they call it Ovaltine? The mug is round. The jar is round. They should call it Roundtine!
  • How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck was not constantly being inappropriately harrassed by Jim Edmonds
He, of course, answered all these perfectly except the second one where he would gladly have answered would the answer have fit in the margins of the paper1. Great job Albert, you're a true American! 1That is a hardcore nerd reference. Please tell me you didn't get it.

Sloth

Submitted by A Goat on February 9, 2007 - 8:48am.
Sorry, Jason, I don't get it. Anymore. I got it once, I've just forgotten.

Dennis

Submitted by A Goat on February 9, 2007 - 1:12pm.
I am a hard core nerd, and I did get the reference.

theantigoat

Submitted by A Goat on February 9, 2007 - 10:36pm.
Once, just once. I wanna see Z stick a heater right in Pujols' ear. Not that I wanna see him get a career ending, or life threatening injury. It's just the fact that he sits so comfortably in the box. It's just sickening to me. I wish some of the dominant pitchers would command respect from the hitters by claiming back in inside portion of the dish. Pitching inside is a lost art. No way Nolan Ryan, Koufax, and some of the pitchers of a seemingly lost era would let Pujols' and others crowd the plate the way they do. He (pujols) is intimidating the pitchers with his stance. He is showing them up by crowding the plate the way he does. IMO.

theantigoat

Submitted by A Goat on February 9, 2007 - 10:37pm.
This has as much to do with inflated homerun numbers as steroids. That, and much smaller parks.

cherigrace

Submitted by A Goat on February 11, 2007 - 4:17am.
Don't stone me now, but I've never found Pujols that hateable- say as compared to Jim Edmonds, who seems like a real ass (and it has nothing to do with his -shall we say- preferences, but they do make for funnier photoshops) I guess because I lived in northeast Missouri and the papers were all pro-Cardinals, and had a lot of articles where the Poo was interviewed and they talked about all he does for charity etc and he married this lady with a Down's syndrome child and how he wants to serve God and blah, blah (yes I know it may all be BS) I'm not saying he's anything great personality-wise, I actually find him rather bland and dull. Obviously, he's a Cardinal and obviously, he can drill you, so we don't like him for those reasons. And how bad must it suck to have a name that makes everyone bust out laughing? My aunt laughed for thirty minutes the first time she watched a game with me and saw him. She was literally wiping her eyes and crying and saying, "His name is really POO HOLES?" (this is a 56 year old woman) I say good for him if he got his citizenship. Welcome to America, poo-hole. Now go get traded to the AL, please.

kurt

Submitted by A Goat on February 12, 2007 - 1:01pm.
Cheri - he really is a jackass. I've read a few interviews where he has said a few things that just convey a tremendous amount of arrogance and superiority.

cardsfan

Submitted by A Goat on February 12, 2007 - 1:20pm.
I love it... just came across your blog and though i am a cardinals fan and a cub hater, i do enjoy what people have to say on both sides of the fence... now, as for Pujols, he is not arrogant or superior in his personality.. he's just really darned good at his job and knows the amount of hard work he's put into it and is grateful for the chance to do great things. without offending the 'Chicago' fans, he's Michael Jordan, minus 5 championships and a couple more MVP's... but same regard: Great Player, Best at his position (sorry DLee) and Icon in the sport... as for edmonds... rumor's in the lou are he and edgar renteria were 'buddies'... and that wouldnt suprise me at all...