The Sloth Emailed me a link earlier today that all Cub fans should know about: Eternal Image, a casket and urn-making company has signed a contract with eight MLB teams, including the Cubs. They will be producing caskets and urns with the image of the Cubs or your choice of seven other teams. I smell the work of John McDonough in this. This leaves me to ask what's next? Chicago Cubs handguns? Perhaps an official Cubs-brand car? You know, I could really benefit from eating a Cubs-brand pizza, with the pepporoni shaped like the Big Red C. Or, perhaps they should offer us a high-powered lazer that can cast a Cubs logo on the moon for the world to see. It's just a thought. Despite my above suggestions, I have to believe that a Cubs coffin is the worst thing possible. I mean, I can totally see all this Cubs-related crap being produced (if they aren't already), but nothing really gets to the center of human nature quite like the Cubs casket. The shocking thing isn't just that they're going to make this crap. The shocking thing is that these things are going to sell! But don't worry. If you don't want to have children who will bury you in a Cubs casket, just make sure to slap on your Cubbie condoms at every opportunity. That will ensure that following the team's never-ending legacy of suckage won't be passed on to the next generation. And their logo? "Stop the endless cycle. Buy Cubbie Condoms today." I can see that being a big seller, just like the Cubs casket. I truly can.