Goatriders of the Apocalypse

Let's all root for the Cubs! ...uh, except for a dozen or so of 'em!

When left facing a season of potentially epic catastrophy, one is forced to look at the small things. The ones that don't suck, I mean. We can ignore LaTroy Hawkins if we also ignore the big picture. Don't like Corey Patterson? Alright, he doesn't exist. Unhappy with the middle infield? Bam! Problem solved, forget about 'em! You want to send Dusty Baker out of town on the first L-Train? Dusty who?

Nope, the Cubs I root for might not be a complete roster, but I can root for them regardless! Derrek Lee is the Andre Dawson of the new millinium! Jason Dubois is a Rookie of the Year candidate! Mark Prior remains The Franchise! Carlos Zambrano is as crazy as ever! Jeromy Burnitz is... uh, better than sucky! And Michael Barrett is also mostly good!

See how easy it is? Just block it out. Pretend the bad stuff isn't happening. Hell, that's how minorities have survied in this country for centuries! If it works for them, it can work for us. (Ok, that and the occasional violent and justified rage against hypocrasy, but that comes later.)

In the meantime, the Cubs are urgent to avoid the June swoon this year by doing it in May. Actually, they've already pretty much pulled that off. But they desperately need to win a string of games in order to still be relevant. It's gotten so bad that even Dusty (Dusty who?) has lamented his team's inability to work the plate and draw walks. You know it's gotten bad when that happens.

I've said it before: Fire the hitting coach whose name I've currently mentally blocked from my mind so as to aleviate as much mental anguish as possible. Get someone who knows how to draw walks into the picture. Now!

Today is a must-win. At least the Cubs have The Franchise going. That will hopefully make it a little easier. Although, as of this writing, the Cubs are losing 1-0.

Go offense go! Boo-yah!


yesterday I post a postive post and Bob posts a negative. Today I post a negative post and Death comes out with a positive one.

So...I guess Pestilence is even-steven?


If you want to call my "let's just pretend the bad stuff isn't happening" a positive post, go right ahead.


I can and I will. It certainly had postive aspects to it

Jason R.

For anyone that hasn't caught the news yet, the X-Rays were negative, some swelling and inflammatation, and the Cubs are going to wait and see.

Good news


Your gush of Burnitz (Jeromy Burnitz is... uh, better than sucky!) made me blush. Seriously, he has come thru this year in some pretty big situations. He deserves better than better than sucky.


Yeah, I actually find myself liking him a hell of a lot more than Sosa. Call it a moment of creative ignorance in order to write a hopefully funny line.

Jason R.

Given the stats below, I would say that Burnitz has definitely been below average, but mostly just because of a recent slump. Personally, I really like Burnitz, always have.

Update of the update, for those that missed it. Prior's elbow has a hairline fracture, as revealed by the MRI. Sucks.


Well, now the "Franchise" is down.

Unfortunately, I don't think we can quite ignore this one.


Yeah... THANKS, DEATH! Looks like we should have been praying for Prior this morning, instead of his opponents. In fact, let's just make a habit of praying for every Cubs starter from here on out... even if you're an athiest. Between Dusty and opposing players (remember Marcus Giles), they need all the help they can get keeping evil at bay.

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