It's clear that the true problems of our team are much deeper -- deeper than crappy starting pitchers, deeper even than a horrible bullpen. And I realize more than ever that as A Goat Rider of the Apocalypse I need your help. So, I decided to reach out and listen to the voices of Cubdom.
With apologies to Jimmy Carter, our baseball team is playing in a big vat of malaise (not to be confused with the much tastier mayonaise). And so I ask:
What will be the spark?
Will LaTroy suddenly decide to be a stopper?
Will Cy Zambrano stop getting pissed off at umps long enough to blow away opposing batters?
Will Dusty Baker spare some holy water for Kerry Wood's shoulder?
Will Jim Hendry can Dusty Baker?
Will Jose Macias start playing like Neifi!?
Will Dusty start playing Jason Dubois everyday?
Or is the spark going to go in the other direction?
Will Derrek Lee stop hitting everything in sight?
Will Neifi! start playing like Neifi?
Will Aramis Ramirez groin tear in half?
Will Kerry Wood suffer a torn rotator cuff?
I don't know what the rest of this season will bring, but right now, this team is killing me.
Often you see paralysis and stagnation and drift. You don't like, and neither do I. What can we do?