Goatriders of the Apocalypse

5 Reasons to be pessimistic in May

Yesterday, Famine brought you five reasons to be optimistic in the coming month. I guess I have no choice but to offer five reasons to be pessimistic.

Being a Cubs fan gives you plenty of opportunities to exercise your pessimism muscles. (They are located in the groin, elbow, shoulder, and pitching hand.) In fact, one can argue that being a Cubs fan eliminates the reason to even have optimism muscles, but some folks try anyhow. You see, the Cubs are not a good team, and there are plenty of reasons why they'll continue to struggle in the month of May. And so, in no particular order:

Five Reasons to be Pessimistic about the Cubs

1. Aramis Ramirez' groin will be giving out any day now. Its hurting his concentration in the field, and at the plate. He saw what happened to his friend Nomar, and he has no desire to separate his groin from his leg bone... so he's taking it easy. As a result, he's not hustling, and he's playing gingerly. The groin isn't going to heal on its own if he is playing everyday, but the prospect of Jose Macias in the lineup 6 days a week is scary enough to keep tempting fate.

2. Kerry Wood won't be picking up a baseball until the end of this month. Effective or not, this team was relying on Wood to be an ace. Now that he's gone for an extended period of time, the team must come face to face with the fact that the vaunted pitching rotation will include Ryan Dempster and Glendon Rusch for the next month. This opens another hole in the fast sinking bullpen (which as I type has just walked home the winning run in tonight's game.)

3. If you think Neifi! won't become Neifi Perez, you're kidding yourself. Neifi Perez was the #1 candidate to be cut from this roster a month ago, and now he's starting at shortstop for the next few months.

4. It is May 4, the Cardinals have an 18-8 record, the Cubs are 12-14, and 6 games behind in the standings. The rest of the division is soft, which would be good news if we could beat our intra-division rivals. However, the Cubs are 10-10 in division while the Cardinals are 16-4.

5. Last time I checked, Dusty Baker was still managing this team.


thank you, Byron.


wow... just, wow.

Jason R.

Maybe tomorrow Death will have the 5 reasons to hang yourself in May? I know my top three all start with "LaTroy"


on the bright side. the way we are playing we don't need to worry about the closer anymore!


huh? Have you watched the last four days? This teamd oesn't need a closer, it needs a whole new pitching staff... If Prior was a free agent after this year, why would he bother resigning with a club that would waste so many of his great performances?

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