Goatriders of the Apocalypse

The 25th man

Note: this idea is not exactly original: please see The United States of Baseball for the original basis

Right now, our 25th man is Jose Macias, and as of this writing he's hitting .077. On his entire career, his OBP is slightly under .300, which means that seven times out of ten, when he goes up to the dish to make a positive contribution, he ends up dragging his sorry ass back to the sunken living room.

To my left is Mr. Jason Acuna, 31, of Los Angeles, CA. He's quite an athlete, for someone afflicted with Dwarfism. You may know him as "Wee Man", from MTV's "Jackass", or one of his other skateboarding appearences.

You also notice that he's holding a can of PBR. Well, I'm not here today to laud him on his evidently excellent taste in cheap beer. What I want YOU to realize today, is that beer can also represents his approximate strike zone!

I'm here to suggest that Wee Man would be a hella better 25th man on the roster, than G.D. Jose Macias!

Bring back Eddie Gaedel? Hey, if your 25th man is getting on base 13% of the time, as Macias is, you need to re-evaluate. If you're the Cubs, and have trouble scoring runs by any other route than the home run, wouldn't you consider every effort to address the situation.

If the Wee Man would agree to never swing, and if the Wee Man were deft enough to avoid having pitched balls hit his bat if pitchers were to purposely throw at it to induce foul ball strikes, and if the Wee Man were fearless enough to stand in and face 95 mph fastballs at his melon, couldn't you see this guy having a higher OBP than even Barry Bonds?

myoffice.jpgYes, he would ALWAYS have to be replaced with a pinch runner, unless his walk was of the walk-OFF variety. And maybe, he makes so much as a latter-day celebrity that the MLB minimum would be a cut in pay. And for sure, Bud Light Selig would probably harrumph about it. But the Wee Man is as close to being a Sure Thing that ANYONE this side of The Barroid could ever hope to be.

The Cubs need to think outside the box more. They did when they decided to take all pitchers in 6 of the last 7 drafts. They need to give Macias' #1 to the Wee Man, and watch them wins pile up!


You know, Rob, you and I need to go get ahold of Mike Veek and try to get in with his organization. I'm sure we could think up all sorts of crazy promotions for the teams to do, and it'd make baseball a hell of a lot more interesting to the common fan.

And I bet I already know what your first idea would be. Bikini-clad female beer venders.

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