When I was younger, my favorite part of every new season was finding out who'd be on the final 25-man-roster and assigning them nicknames. (Hey, when you follow a team that once started out 0-14, you have to make your own fun.)

This year, I've decided to renew the old tradition and assign nicknames to the many Cubs players. Some of them will make sense, most of them will just be weird, and I'm sure a lot of people could come up with something better. In fact, if you have a better nickname for a player, send it along, and we'll consider using it.

So, without further delay, the nicknames of your 2005 Chicago Cubs:

The Catchers:

8 Michael "Grin and" Barrett
9 Henry "Hank White" Blanco or, "Anybody's Better Than Gabor"

The Infielders:

1B 25 Derrek "Dee" Lee
2B 7 Todd "The Louisiana Lumberjack" Walker
SS 5 Nomar "Nomarrrrr" Garciaparra (we should emphasize the hard "r," since they called him "Nomah" for so long in Boston)
3B 16 Aramis "A-Ram" Ramirez or, "Musketeer"
IF 13 "Oh God, We Brought Back" Neifi Perez
IF 1 Jose "Mac-Ass" Macias
IF/OF 15 "Hairy" Jerry Hairston

The Outfielders

LF 28 Todd "T-Ho" Hollandsworth or, "Bozo," or, "The Clown" (see, this is a perfect example. If you have better ideas, let me hear them!)
CF 20 Corey "K-Man" Patterson or "C-Pat"
RF 3 Jeromy "The Burninator" Burnitz
OF 4 Jason "Can't Pronounce His Own Last Name" Dubois or "Dube-wa"
27 David "Snowball" Kelton (the "Snowball" is short for "Snowball's Chance in Hell of Making the Roster"

The Rotation

34 Kerry "Woody" Wood or, "K-Master," or "Duke," or something
22 Mark "The Franchise" Prior
38 Carlos "The Jackle" Zambrano
31 Greg "Bob" Maddux or "Mad-Dog"
33 Glendon "Whatta" Rusch

The Bullpen

48 "Average" Joe Borowski or, "Sweaty Joe," or, "Joe-Blow"
46 Ryan "Dumpster" Dempster
32 LaTroy "LaBlow" Hawkins
44(?) Roberto "Super" Novoa
37 Mike "Psycho" Remlinger or, "Billy-Bob"
43 Michael "Walrus" Wuertz

Other players to keep an eye on:

67 Angel "El Salvadore" Guzman
51 Jon Leicester "The Molester"
45 Stephen "The Black Felix Heredia" Randolph
40 Todd "Shoulders" Wellemeyer

Hopefully, as the season progresses, these guys will earn new or better nicknames. If we're really lucky, there won't be any relievers on the team with the nicknames "Kyle Farnsworth," or "Blow." Hopefully.