Take a deep breath
If you've ever seen The Natural, then you probably remember the scenes where Pops Fischer, manager of the Knights, discontently cursed repeatedly about how he "shoulda been a farmer!" With that in mind, I shoulda been a sports psychologist! Because with the proper training, if I were to set up an office near Wrigley Field, I could make a killing off of treating crazy Cubs fans.
Take this past weekend. In what is the first new injury conspiracy of the 2005 campaign, Kerry Wood left a game early because of tightness in his shoulder. The team reassured us that everything was fine - his shoulder isn't actually sore, and it was just a precautionary measure. But fans were already getting twitchy. Then, the Cubs flew Wood back to Chicago for an MRI and a more thorough examination, and Cubs fans' heads began exploding.
After all, this must mean the end of it. The team is clearly up to its old tricks. Much like last year, they are lying to us about the degree of Wood's injury, and surely we can expect Kerry to miss at least the first half of the season. Yep, we Cubs fans are so paranoid that I'm sure there are a fair number out there right now who expect Wood to be carted off to have season-ending shoulder surgery any day now.
Or get this: maybe - maybe - everything's actually ok. Maybe they really are just being precautious. Maybe Wood really will start throwing again in a few days. Maybe the team wasn't ever trying to actively deceive us last year - maybe the training staff was just so incompotent that they were never capable of giving us a correct answer.
But here we Cubs fans are, screaming at the top of our lungs that it's already started, yet again. Here we are, thinking that we have yet another season of deceit and deception to look forward to. Has anyone thought that maybe people are just jumping to a conclusion a little early?
So, take a deep breath. Enjoy the fact that Spring Training is in full swing. Bask in the knowledge that the season starts in under a month. And for the love of God, calm down! At least wait until his injury is diagnosed as being serious! Because right now, Cubs fans are coming off like a bunch of psychos.
And uh, pay no attention to my post over at The Cub Fan Nation, where I say, "They're still claiming that Wood will be back pitching by the early part of this coming week. In similar news, starting early next week, James Bond is going to stop having promiscuous sex with random women, and I'm going to go on a crash diet to lose 50 pounds. Hey, it could happen, right?" Just ignore that. Or something.