Goatriders of the Apocalypse

FARNSWORTH TRADED; IN RELATED NEWS, GOD PROVEN TO EXIST

The Chicago Tribune is reporting that the Cubs have unloaded enigmatic reliever Kyle "Dr. Tightpants" Farnsworth to the Detroit Tigers for pitcher Roberto Novoa, infielder Scott Moore and outfielder Clarence "Bo" Flowers.

Nova will replace Farnsworth on the 25-man-roster, while Moore and Fowers are young prospects who probably won't see action above high A ball in 2005.

Nova hasn't see much Major League action, but as long as he doesn't break his foot by kicking baseballs at the scoreboard, or injure his leg by kicking a clubhouse fan, or contract The Syph by sleeping with the Wrigley groupies, or leave early on the last game of the season, or fall asleep in the middle of a game...

Well, let's just say there are benefits to Novoa being the Cubs reliever, rather than Farnsworth.

Isthmus Pith

RE: Farnsworth--I'm reminded of a Lenny Dykstra story when told that teammate Von Hayes was traded from the Phillies: "Great trade! Who'd we get?"

George Davidson

I think the team needs to sit down with Jason Dubois and warn him that Farnsworth's departure will force the Wrigley groupies to focus their attentions on a new player. Dubois must be protected- from STDs, after hours bars, etc. In fact, they should just hold a seminar in Spring Training for all of the young guys, outlining "The Farnsworth Factor."

CalvinPitt

I thought he was Captain Tightpants. Was he spending so much time in the hospital with VD they just gave him a Ph.D?

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