Goatriders of the Apocalypse

It means more to THEM than to us.

I'm talking about Performance enhancers, here.

Baseball stuck its chest out yesterday and announced its "tough" new steroid plan, with enforcement stretched out all the way to fifth-time offenders. Shitfire, if someone gets caught FIVE times with steroids in their system, never mind a suspension. Just castrate them and get it over with.

Strictly speaking as a policy designed to help MLB personnel stay healthy and compete fairly, it's a friggin' joke. Players get 10 days for bumping umpires and flipping off fans, for corking bats. Using an substance that is illegal to possess in this country, does irreperable harm to a body, has been shown to be lethal, and at the very least, provides the user with a severly unfair advantage over the next guy, nets the same punishment?

I think, at the very least, we should also ground them off their Playstations for TWO WEEKS!!

It's a sham of a travesty wrapped around a scam, but that's their bizness, I guess.

What do we as fans think? Sure, every talking head on TV, radio and the web is railing on in moral indignation, but what do WE care? Anyone with half a brain and correctable vision could see that Sosa and McGwire and Bonds are FAR more swollen than they were as rookies. "But they worked hard in the weightroom!" Um, yeah. That ALWAYS makes your head and face swell to double its original size, OK.

Everybody above the age of 9 could see what was happening, but did we care? Did we stop watching the Big Mac/Sammy love affair? Did we boycott all the Barry Bonds games in 2001? Did we stop turning the turnstiles?

On the contrary, baseball may not yet recovered all of its pre-1994 glory, kids may idolize NBA and skateboard stars now, but attendance sets new records each year, even last year, when guys like Sosa and Bonds starting deflating, and home run numbers started their re-entry into the atmosphere.

The slew of guys last year on the Cubs that hit between 20-35 dongs? THAT's the result of honest weight training. Most of the fly balls they hit died on or before the warning track, but enough made it over the wall, off the bats of enough guys, to suggest the eventual result of improved nutrition, exercise regiments, and legitimate medicine. And 3 million ate it up last year, even as the spoiled sucky-tit babies were spitting up the division to our oldest rivals.

We don't care about steroids, any more than we cared about spitballs. The players care, and ESPN cares. You've heard of guys, like Albert Brooks, who are regarded as "the comedian's comedian" and "the actor's actor" and "the musician's musician"? Or possibly the girl that other girls think is "pretty"? And you, John Q. Public, just don't get it? Steroids, same thing. Shouldn't really concern us. Just play ball.

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