It's a slow Monday night. Let's generate some buzz, shall we?

Here's my Mostly Unreasonable But Not All That Crazy Offseason Wish List for the Cubs.

• We need a right-handed center fielder. My pick: Mike Cameron. I was kind of surprised to see that he was paid $10 million for 2009. I guess if that's what he's looking for next year he'll be out of our price range, but if he'd go for 1/7 or 2/12 I think I'd do it.
• We don't really need to upgrade our infield, and we especially don't need to add a long-term contract. But Felipe Lopez would really help. He's a switch hitter with a good on-base percentage from both sides of the plate -- and he's not bad on defense, either. Like a Milton Bradley for the infield, without the complete insanity.
• I still think Bradley has enough offensive skill and defensive non-suckitude to be a positive contributor in right field. But if we do move him, I hope it's for Kevin Millwood. I know Millwood is not an ace, but he does have a pretty decent ground ball rate. And not only would he be leaving the AL, he'd no longer have to pitch in Texas Stadium half the time.
• I'm still a big proponent of trading Ryan Theriot and Milton Bradley to the Tigers for Curtis Granderson and Dontrelle Willis. Again, tell me why that deal doesn't work!

Comments welcome.

Cubs front-office people acknowledge liking Granderson, but if top
prospects such as shortstop Starlin Castro, third baseman Josh Vitters
or right-handed pitcher Andrew Cashner make up any of the asking price,
Hendry will say, "No, thank you." - USA Today

That's "or," not "and."

Again, not feeling wordy, so let me quickly brighten up your Saturday with an idea for a line-up for 2010. I'll let you fill in the hatred/love in the comment section.

Against RHP:

1) Milton Bradley, RF (yes, we should keep him)
2) Ryan Theriot, SS
3) Derrek Lee, 1B
4) Aramis Ramirez, 3B
5) Kosuke Fukudome, CF (yes, he should play center)
6) Alfonso Soriano, LF
7) Geovany Soto, C
Jeff Baker, 2B

Against LHP:

1) Milton Bradley, RF
2) Mike Cameron, CF (yes, we should sign him)
3) Derrek Lee, 1B
4) Aramis Ramirez, 3B
5) Jeff Baker, 2B
6) Alfonso Soriano, LF
7) Geovany Soto, C
Ryan Theriot, SS

I don't have the loquacious bug this morning, so let me just stick to bullet points on this one.

• If Soriano (knee), Soto (shoulder, oblique, waistline), and Ramirez (shoulder) are as healthy in 2010 as they were in 2009, nothing will matter -- the team will suck.
• If, instead, they are healthy, our offense will be vastly improved. We have the pieces to score runs, I promise.
• In March 2009, Z, Lilly, Demp and Harden were sure things for the rotation, and Marshall, Heilman, and Gaudin were duking it out for the fifth rotation spot.
• This March, Z, Demp and Wells will be warming up, Lilly will be recovering from shoulder surgery, and we'll be crossing our fingers on either Marsh or Shark figuring out how to pitch more than 4 innings a start while keeping the ERA under 6.00.
• Hallady dominated in the AL. The NL is worse than the AL (see M Holliday, C Lee, C Sabathia, et al).
• To a large extent, you have to remember: prospects are prospects (see F Pie, C Patterson, et al).

So yeah, in a nutshell, that's my case for trading Castro (lots of people love him, but others have cited flaws in his game), Vitters (absolutely NO plate patience whatsoever), and CashNER (might not stick as a starter) for Halladay.

Of course, if the deal were made, I would then bet a ton of money on the fact that Halladay would soon need Tommy John surgery, Cashner would be a lights out starter, and Castro and Vitters would both be perrenial All-Stars at SS and 3B, the two toughest positions to field beyond center.

So, what am I thinking to the Muskrat report that the Jays are asking us for our young-uns?  Assuming, of course that it is, you know, true?

My first thought is immediately "Is Toronto out of its freakin' mind?"  Because, unless Roy Halladay is some sort of automaton with impervious skin, if you have the Roy Halladay, don't you wish to avoid upsetting the Roy Halladay by shamelessly shopping him around for other teams' whelps?

Then, second of all, remember how cynically I thought about all the Starlin Castro hype that seemed to crop up from nowhere about a month ago?  Well, I would assume Toronto would have done some evaluation before proposing such a trade.  Perhaps it is NOT all hype?  Maybe Castro, Vitters, and Cashman really are THAT good? 

Ultimately, though, we have to examine our own situation when making a decision on a classic short-sell like this one.  I have taken more than ten opportunities in the past two years to come out here and lecture on the importance of a Staff Ace, and conversely, the difficulty of NOT having a Staff Ace when it comes to winning championships, particularly when you are climbing the cosmic mountain of 102 straight seasons without a championship.  Halladay would absolutely look smashing in Cubs pinstripes next year!

But, I would only make this totally future-mortgaging move if it were the only difference between us winning and losing in 2010.  And I do not think that bringing in Roy Halladay, alone, will win us a pennant next year.  He can come in here, throw 240 innings, log an ERA under 3, lead and mentor Dempster, Zambrano, Lilly and Wells, and yet we very well might end up behind the Cardinals again next year because our outfield can't hit, our middle infield can't field, and God only knows how Soto comes back in 2010?

As much as I covet the man, I do not make this trade, unless there is a viable plan in place to rehabilitate the lineup.  That task comes first.  We can resurrect Walter Johnson, Warren Spahn, Cy Young and Sandy Koufax and we still won't win dick with this batting order. 

What is the price tag on the team's soul for 2010?  Because apparently the Blue Jays are also wanting to know.  The Cubs supposedly (according to beat writer MuskRat) are being engaged in trade talks concerning none other than Roy Halladay.  This is officially the biggest catch-22 that Jim Hendry could've ever been blindsided by, and well worth a fair amount of debate as well.  On one side, how can you not complete the deal if its possible?  Halladay is a true ace in this day and age, unlike any other pitcher currently on the roster, he's a true force.  Night-in and night-out he goes deep into ballgames saving the bullpen and giving the team a chance to win every time he takes the ball.  Hallady, most importantly, is a pitcher that gives the team a greater chance to win once the Playoffs begin.On the other side Halladay is due a nice chunk of change in 2010 ($15+M) and his contract does not extend beyond the 2010 season.  Acquiring Halladay is also likely to require a significant amount of the Cubs' top prospects, with no gaurantee that an extension can be worked out to keep him for more than one year.  My take:  Do whatever it takes to get Roy Halladay, and then make moves to work around him on your roster.  If this is a real possibility, few other moves could be made to improve a 25 man roster this much. The Blue Jays are looking to cut payroll and add top prospects, and realistically the only way the cubs can improve dramatically this offseason will be through trades.  The Jays are likely looking to dump Halladay far away and outside of the Yanks/Sox, and the Cubs fit that bill.  The biggest part of the entire deal would be extending Halladay beyond 2010, then its a no-brainer.

Former Met whipping boy and last year's Maestro di Meh, Aaron Heilman is on the move again.

Number 47 is now a D-Bag, traded for a St. Rita kid and a potential LOOGY.

My quick take?  I'd rather pay John Grabow 7 million than have to look at Aaron Heilman anymore.  He's kind of Jay Cutler looking, if you ask me.  Hope he enjoys the Bob, or whatever they're calling it these days.

I guess THIS is how Hendry is going to avoid arb hearings this year - trade all the arb eligibles!

It appears Hendry has completed GMDirective.2 - John Grabow will not enjoy the passionate rush of unbridled free agency, for he is a Cub through 2011.

GMDirective.1 is of course the Supermassive Black Hole, the MuppetMaster himself, Milton Bradley.  But whither Grabow?  AJ gave him the ol' tepid meh the other day.  A well-deserved meh-dley of lukewarm, certainly.

Is any man worth 7 million dollars?  The President?  Your kid's teacher?  The fireman who runs up the stairs when everyone else is running down, etcetera etcetera, blah blah.  Is John Grabow worth 7 million?  Not in a sane world, he isn't. But Baseball is not the Real World.  It abides by its own rules, rules that we must know and understand.

A winning team needs good relievers.  However, in all but the most Goose Gossage-esque figures, we don't really know in November 2009 who is gonna be good in 2010, do we, Brad Lidge?  All we can really do is avoid guys who we know are terrible. 

• John Grabow is not terrible.  In fact, he's slightly above average.  MLB Sez So!!  He's Type A and everything.

A winning team needs both lefty and righty relievers.  More precisely, a good team needs guys who a manager can count on to retire a certain type of hitter an acceptable amount of the time.  One of these types of hitters is Left Handed hitters.

• John Grabow gets left handed batters out, usually.  Not, like, all the time.  But, more often than not.  And, perhaps even more often, if he was used a bit more judiciously, unlike his time with the Pirates, where judicious use was not a luxury they could afford.

A winning team spends a eff-load of cash every year.  They shouldn't spend an exorbitant amount of money on a player or players who will not make a significant impact on whether the team wins the championship.

• John Grabow will not significantly impact the Chicago Cubs in 2010-11, unless of course it is a significantly negative impact.  And even though 7 million dollars is a mind-blowing sum to you and me, to people like Tom Ricketts, Jim Hendry, and John Grabow, it is not so mind blowing. It is NOT impact player money.

We need a decent left-handed reliever, and Grabow is one.  He is making a gawd awful lot of money, but not so much that it is going to destroy our competitive chances the next two years if things do not work out.

I know what you're afraid of, though.

This kind of tastes like the Dempster deal last year - recall he was signed, I believe, on the first day after the Exclusivity window was over.  Now, there may be a few really smart people out there that knew how last Winter was going to shake down.  But for most of the rest of us, going into the silly season, we figured Dempster was a bit overpaid, but not overly so.  We figured that the Sabathias of the world would get their 200 million (which they did) so 52 million for Dempster was not so bad.  Most of us did not realize that even the Baseball Economy would bottom out, and the Dempster-like creatures of the world, like the Derek Lowes and Kyle Lohses, would sign for much, much less later in the Winter.

Will history repeat itself?  Did Hendry jump way too soon and overpay for Grabow?  Could we have just let him cruise around for awhile, hoping for another MLB Economic Crash?  I say no.  Last winter was a fluke (but I am usually dead WRONG on all things financial).  But this deal, like the Dempster deal, ain't gonna kill us.

Not like Bradley's $30 million, anyway.  Muse, take it away....

Let's see if anyone is still coming out here.

The Tribune's Phil Rogers is beating the drums for the Cubs to trade for homeboy Tiger Curtis Granderson.  Ok, Phil, I get it...you love Grandy.  So do we.  He would be a perfect fit for us, and I believe that the Ricketts could find room on their spreadsheets for him.

Ah, here's the thing, though.  The Tigers don't want Milton Bradley for him.  No no no no no...they want young, fresh meat.  To the tune of Josh Vitters AND New Great White Hope Starlin Castro (yeah, I know he ain't white.  It's an expression).  And probably our best pitching prospect, whoever that is.

This would be a classic, textbook case of utterly mortgaging the future for the present.  If Castro and Vitters are as good as the Propaganda Arm makes them out to be, then the left side of our infield is good for pretty damn near the entire next decade.  Or, is Hendry shrewdly pumping up these guys to inflate their trade value, in anticipation of this off season?  It was made clear to him that he would NOT be pursuing free agents this winter - and probably, after the past couple of years, he probably doesn't want to anymore.  Can't blame him.

So, riders?  Do you trade the future for the now?  Or do you ride 2010 out, waiting for what could be the greatest wave of position talent to come up from the Cubs' farm since the mid-eighties, if not the mid-sixties?  Keep in mind that Derrek Lee, Aramis Ramirez, and Alfonso Soriano are all on the clock.  Lee is a free agent after this year, and A-Ram has an opt-out at the end of 2010.

I'm going to cut to the chase on this one because I think it's such a good idea.

Milton Bradley and Ryan Theriot, for Curtis Granderson and Dontrelle Willis.

Boom. Absorb that gem of amazingness for a second while I tell you about how awesome it is.

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Before we try to decide which baseball numbers are most relevant, let's talk cash for a minute here.

As you well know, MB is owed $9mil in '10, and $12mil in '11 (guh).

Ryan Theriot is in his first year of arbitration eligibility, so it's hard to say what he'll be owed. Let's just call it $2mil every year til 2013 when he becomes a free agent.

As for the Tigers, Dontrelle Willis is owed $12mil next year (!), and Granderson is owed $5.5mil, $8.25mil, and $10mil over each of the next three seasons, with an option in 2013.

SUMMARY: Cubs would pay MB and RT about $27mil over the next three seasons, Tigers would pay CG and DW a combined $36mil.

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Let's move beyond business, to baseball.

The Cubs are (still, even after trading away Mark DeRosa,) too right-handed. They've got a right-handed shortstop that plays league average defense there -- surely, a commodity, but not necessarily an automatic keeper, either.

They need a center fielder, and they could use a lefty. Oh yeah, there's also the whole get-rid-of-Milton deal.

Granderson bats lefty and plays center. And even though he's traditionally led off, his .453 slugging percentage would put him behind only Lee and A-Ram of the Cubs' everyday players in the category -- as in, perhaps could be that middle-of-the-order lefty RBI guy.

The Tigers' starting shortstop, according to their depth chart, is some guy with a last name starting with D that I have never heard of. As in, they could use an unterrible shortstop. And given the state of the Detroit economy, they'd thank God if Hendry called and offered to take D-Train off their hands.

Would taking on Dontrelle be a complete waste of money? Maybe. But aside from the amount owed him in 2010 being exactly equivalent to MB's 2011 requirement, the NL is an easier place to pitch than the AL.

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The Cubs get rid of Milton. They lose Theriot, who is a player with positive value, but they have Andres Blanco's glove on the roster, and Starlin Castro on the fast track. They'd also get a quality left-handed bat to man center field for them.

The Tigers get a good shortstop, a guy that's proven he can mash at the DH spot, and the chance to erase the $12 million owed to Dontrelle from their books.

One potential challenge: convincing Dombrowski, who's wanting to get Granderson's contract off the books, to take on Milton's 2011 commitment (the 2010 pill should be easier to swallow given the savings the deal generates on D-Train's deal).

To that end, I'd be willing to spend a few million 2011 dollars on getting Milt's contract within a workable range to make the deal happen. That's how much value I think the trade adds to the Cubs.

Beyond that reason, tell me why this isn't a great idea.