Okay, only ten minutes until gametime, so this will be quick. Here's a couple quick links for you to peruse:

• Looks like there was a whole slew of goat carcasses dumped in a field in Will County last week. This is just a disgustinig example of improper disposal of a goat carcass. Because you know what happens to a goat carcass when you don't chop it into tiny pieces or, perhaps, make it into a hot dog? It rises from the dead when the Goat Riders descend. Do you want to be swarmed by goat zombies? You do? Sick bastard.
• The Big Lead gives a heads up on the April Sports Illustrated Cubs jinx. Sadly, in yet another misadventure with Japanese characters, the SI cover actual reads "Monkey Fire Happy Pants" thus, clearly, actually jinxing the St. Louis Cardinals. Did I have too many commas in that sentence?

And because all good things come in threes (except those things that come in fours and twos), how about a shout out to Another Cubs Blog*. In response to my little post in defense of Ryan Theriot, we get an article back discussing the fact that Maddog does not, in fact, hate Ryan Theriot. I just thought I'd let Maddog know that I meant "hate" in the more causal, hip hop style. Actually, I probably meant it more casually than that. I'm not sure. I confess I'm not that into hip hop. But did you know that we are not particularly well liked over at Another Cubs Blog? In fact, except for Colin, we have been invited to eff ourselves and that invitation was met with loud, sustained applause (the new LOL? Not sure, but I'm fairly certain this is yet another false internet construct).

Now, my question is, what could we have said to bring out such vitriol? I understand why people tend to dislike BCB. I mean, there's a certain special level on condescension you get over on that site that invites disdain. But GROTA? GROTA is 90% poo jokes and 10% analysis (although Colin's certainly upsetting that ratio. Hey Colin, how about some scatological humor?). How can you hate a poo joke that much?

I think the problem is that this is the internet and people don't get that we don't take things very seriously over here (or at least I don't. I shouldn't speak for the others). Thus, for the sake of anyone visiting from over at Another Cubs Blog, I will make an attempt to point out anytime that I don't intend to be serious with an LOL or an LMAO and, if I think I make a very good point, I'll give myself Loud, Sustained Applause (LSA?). Hopefully this will make for an easier, more enjoyable experience for all.

Cubs vs. Brewers

The Matchups

April 29th, 7:05 PM CT

Ben Sheets vs. Jason Marquis - Ben Sheets has been pretty ridiculously good so far this year but, surprise surprise, has come down with yet another injury. However, far be it from me to say anything untoward...um, towards Sheets as my criticism seems to cool the Cubs bats faster than a very cold object on the Cubs bats LOL. The slight hope that his tricep injury might lessen his stuff, however, is the only thing sustaining me as he takes on...

Jason Marquis has finally started to come around and has actually strung together a shocking competent string of starts (loud, sustained applause). If he keeps this up, he might actually justify his contract LMAO. Poo LOL!!!

April 30th, 7:05 PM CT

Jeff Suppan vs. Ryan Dempster - In exceeding frustrating fashion, Suppan handcuffed the Cubs in his last start giving one more reason to hate Jeff Suppan LOL. Other reasons include his stupid face and his stupid beard (oh SNAP).

Dempster has been better than anyone could have anticipated coming into this game, but he's certainly skating on thin ice (not literally LOL) as the opposition has been hitting the ball right at the Cubs. Once those batted balls start to find seams, look for the ERA to creep up unless Dempster either brings down the walks or up the strikeouts (LSA!!!). Or both LOL!!!

May 1st, 1:20 PM CT

Yovani Gallardo vs. Carlos Zambrano - Gallardo is health and dominating. Carlos is healthy and dominating. I am in moderately good health and dominate the blogsphere.

Winner? You, the reader.

* And before this comes off too harsh, let me say that nothing Maddog has said was particularily insulting and he mearly misinterpretted what I said. Many of his commenters, on the other hand, appear to be douchebags. I blame Maddog for having a popular, well written blog. Popular blogs attractive too many people, and given that 80% of the population is stupid...well, you do the math. Here's to staying unpopular!

oh, and disclaimer, this is only my opinion.