Goatriders of the Apocalypse

Series Preview: Cubs vs. Cardinals (or "Interview with Will Leitch, Part Deux")

Editor's note: GROTA is issuing an It Burns Your Virgin Eyes Warning! In this article, when you are least expecting it, our interview subject Will Leitch will let out a mighty curse that would make even the most hardened nun blush. Since we typically adopt a No Cursies! Policy, (rather than a No Curses policy; hey, we follow the Cubs) a warning has been issued. So, that's it. You've been warned. If you've got a problem with it, cram it up yer ... meh, nevermind.

Everyone's still talking about the last interview we did with now-former Editor of Deadspin Will Leitch, so we thought it would be good to feed off the buzz and bring Will back for a reprise.

Of course, everyone knows what's happened with Will since he last stopped by. First, an angry older gentleman killed Will and fashioned a suit out of his skin as Bob Costas looked on. Shortly after that incident, Will was on his way to New York Magazine. It's been all upwardly mobile for him this last year. Congratulations to him. That's just terrific. Just...terrific. I mean, it's okay that I'm still an amateur blogger, right? He's older than me, right? I still have a while before I have to try to accomplish something in the blogging world?

I swear to god, if I'm not writing for ESPN Magazine by the time I'm thirty, I'll just cry.

So anyway, he's back and ready to talk about important things, like the Cubs. And the Cardinals. And the Cubs and Cardinals. And maybe, just maybe, his answers to our questions can inspire all of us and bring a little hope into our world. Of course, that'd be pretty surprising, but it could happen.

And so, without further delay, we welcome Will back to lovely GROTA Mansion. And at his request*, we've skipped all the pleasantries and moved straight to the questions.

(* may not have actually been at his request)

GR: Okay, here's the most obvious question given that nobody expected much out of the Cardinals seeing as how it's basically Albert Pujols and a rag-tag bunch of ragamuffin kids. What would you say the key is to their success? Is Dave Duncan just a wizard or something (and I mean, literally, a wizard)?

Will Leitch
: It's pretty ridiculous what Ryan Ludwick has done this year; you could make an argument he has been more important to the Cards than Pujols. (You'd be wrong, but you could make that argument.) Going into the season, I thought the Cardinals' best outfielder would be Colby Rasmus. Ludwick has been amazing (if streaky), Skip Schumaker and Joe Mather are a surprisingly effective platoon and it has been a sublime pleasure watching Rick Ankiel (swoon!) improve seemingly by the game. That outfield was supposed to be a wasteland; it's been the team strength. Much is made out of the rotation, but it has been anything from dominant. Lohse is the ace, and he's not having the season everyone thinks he's having, Todd Wellemeyer is only recently starting to look healthy again, if Braden Looper reaches the seventh inning we're doing backflips and Joel Pineiro ... well, I like the color of his glove. In other words: Duncan is getting too much credit. (I mean, he is the bullpen's pitching coach too. And if the bullpen were even halfway decent, we'd be battling you guys for first place rather than hoping the Brewers kill each other.) The offense (and defense, vastly underrated, as always) is the reason they're 10 games over .500 in a season in which we were idly dreaming of breaking even, maybe.
GR: Along those lines, the biggest surprise on the Cards?
WL: The biggest surprise, really, is that the new Cardinals general manager, John Mozeliak has asserted control of the team over LaRussa. Trading away guys at the deadline like Rasmus, or John Jay, or Jaime Garcia, just to bring in Brian Fuentes or whatnot would have been a tragic mistake ... but you just know LaRussa wanted the trades anyway. Mozeliak is building for the future in a way the Cardinals never have, and he's not selling it out just for a quixotic (if potentially outstanding) August/September run. If Chris Perez stays the Cardinals' closer -- and god, I hope he does -- rather than LaRussa insisting on a "proven veteran," you'll know Mozeliak has notched another victory. Which is kind of stunning, when you think about it.
GR: Does it bother you more that the Cubs are atop the standings rather than, say, the Brewers? Or is your only concern that the Cardinals are trailing?
WL: Well, the Cubs have the best team in the National League (agh!), so if you weren't in first, you'd have some serious problems. Here's the best way to understand how the Leitch Family feels about the Cubs. In September, I'm going the Cards play at Wrigley. I told my father this, and he absolutely could not understand why I would do this.

Will Leitch: Dad, Wrigley is beautiful, and it's the Cards.
Bryan Leitch: But why would you go there? It's nothing but Cubs fans.

There's something pure and great about that. Why would I go to Wrigley Field? That's where the Cubs play. No other explanation necessary.

The only way I'll be able to accept the Cubs making the postseason is if the Cardinals make it too. Because this is your 100th year. This is the season everyone has been quietly waiting for. What better way to see it end than to the Cards in the NLCS? The two teams have never played in the postseason before. It kind of has to happen, doesn't it? We all need our Yankees-Red Sox moment.

GR: You are obviously far less biased than our writers - or readers, for that matter - to the point where you may in fact be a little biased in the other direction. With that in mind, in your unbiased opinion, just how good are the Cubs this year and, more importantly, do you think they will reach the post season and play like the best team in the National League, or will they get there and play like the Cubbies of old? (congratulations if you made it all the way to the end of that questions without having to re-read)
WL: I think the Cubs are going to run away with the division, if they haven't already. And the postseason will be a horrific collapse. I kind of assumed all you guys knew this already
GR: You're in different circles than us working-class schmucks - what have you heard about the pending sale of the Cubs?
WL: Cuban's not getting the team. He can make all the headlines he wants, he can offer as much money as he can, he can sing the Seventh Inning Stretch all he wants. He's not getting that team. I think he should, and, as a Cardinals fan, I'm glad he won't. But it's not happening.
GR: Which Cubs pitcher do you want to see your team face the least? Which Cubs hitter makes you the most nervous when he steps up to the plate with runners on?
WL: I know he has been pitching well, but I'm licking my chops to face Jason Marquis (editor's note: did he just say Jason Marquis is pitching well?) any time we have the opportunity; I remember that guy too well. I'm not "afraid" of Zambrano so to speak, but he is, without question, my least favorite player in baseball. This is a compliment; this means he's great, and irritating as fuck. Soriano always looks like he's going to strike out or hit a ball 500 feet; I'm far more worried about Derrek Lee when he comes up. (I know these statements are not supported by statistical evidence and are, in fact, wrong. Don't believe stats; believe MY EYES.)

GR: Who would be better on "Rock Band", Mark DeRosa or Aaron Miles?

WL: Aaron Miles will destroy everyone at everything. May I remind you of that amazing story of how Aaron Miles fought off armed kidnappers. An excerpt from this amazing story: http://insider.espn.go.com/mlb/insider/news/story?id=2554081

For 25 minutes, the crook had a gun to Miles' head, until the 5-foot-8 infielder, the son of a heavyweight boxer, took matters into his own hands.

He attacked the 5-foot-11, 175-pound intruder, and during the struggle, Miles bit Williams on the forearm while Williams bit Miles fiercely on the upper back. Both had their hands on the gun, and eventually, with Miles lying on top of the burglar, a SWAT policeman who'd broken through a window had no choice but to fire six close-range gunshots.

"We're downstairs in the parking lot, and you hear this, pop-pop-pop-pop-pop-pop," Ensberg says. "And we're like, 'Aaron's dead.' " But the cop hadn't missed, wounding Williams once in the face and five times in the upper torso. The burglar was still alive, but some of his teeth had literally been shot out of his mouth. Miles bolted through the broken window and down to the parking lot, straight into the arms of his teammate Rose.

"He nearly broke me in half," Rose says today. "He had the guy's skin in his teeth, blood all over him. I mean, the guy took a big chunk out of his back. He's cussing and saying, 'F -- those motherf--ers.' I'd never seen him like that."


GR: And finally, how does it feel to see Jim Edmonds on the Cubs and actually helping quite a bit? Cardinal fans actually liked him, right?

WL: I don't know what you're talking about. Come again?

And with that nifty little exercise in denial, we bring this interview to a close and get to the serious business of previewing the upcoming series. Thanks again to Will for stopping by. We'll all be watching closely as he ascends to dizzying heights at New York Magazine, only to have it all come crashing down after a well publicized incident involving a pontoon boat and a bottle of Grey Goose, leading to the inevitable decent into soft-core porn. On the plus side, I'm pretty sure Molly Ringwald is currently on the soft-core circuit, so he's got that going for him.

Series Preview

Cubs vs. Cardinals

The Matchups

Friday, August 8th, 1:20 PM CT

Ted Lilly vs. Braden Looper - Lilly's been pretty good of late, at least for his first five innings. That third time through the lineup, things can get a little dicey. Lilly's always been good against the Cardinals and I'm sure he's pitched many memorable games against them during his tenure as a Cub...I just can't remember.

Looper's well known for having a very large chin and an equally large amount of chin stubble. At least, that's what he looks like in his gameday photo. Looper's been Lilly-esque for the Cards this year, which is more than they could have reasonably hoped for. Of course, that has little bearing on what they actually hoped for, as reason has little impact on a Cardinals fan.

(Cardinal fans everywhere are realing from that little zinger)

Saturday, August 9th, 2:55 PM CT

Big Z vs. Todd Wellemeyer - Zambrano's been extremely great for a while now and, contrary to the rap on him early in his career, seems to now pitch to the pressure. With that, I'm expecting big things from him as he tries to bury the Cardinals. Actually, I'm expecting some thing more along the lines of "kill, burn, and bury the Cards...and then piss on the asses" as that's how Carlos rolls.

I'm always happy to see a former Cub succeed, so it's nice to see Wellemeyer doing so well. He extra innings debut back in '03 where he struck out the side is still one of my warm fuzzy memories from that year. Hell, it might be my only memory as I've blacked out the vast majority of that year. But Wellemeyer's a solid pitcher, although he's come back down to earth quite a bit since he fast start.

Sunday, August 10th, 7:05 PM CT

Ryan Dempster vs. TBA - In the past, the Cubs have always struggled mightily versus TBA, but that was the old Cubs. The new Cubs occasionally struggle versus TBA, but now it's much more of a crap shoot.

Dempster was decent in his last start an probably deserved a win as he allowed a grand total of two runs despite not having much of a fastball.

Cubs versus Cardinals! Catch the excitiment!

Go Cubs.

There was a time...

I kinda liked listening to Jon Miller's play by play on ESPN. But hearing him the last couple years butcher Cub broadcasts with 'Dr.' Morgan, it's become quite painful. Morgan's always been an ass, but usually Miller kind of averaged it out.

How many times can the guy call Sheffield - Waveland? Can't someone pass him a note saying, 'hey idiot, wrong street.'

I need to get that AM radio syncing whatchamacallit so I can at least listen to Pat and Ron.

Ugh...

Molly Ringwald

I must rush to the immediate defense of my ginger-haired love-crush. She is NOT in any form of soft core porn. Of course, what she IS involved with may actually be worse.

She is on the WB Network, playing the mom on Brenda Hampton's latest crime against humanity. Hampton's the person responsible for "7th Heaven".

Told you Will would like the Aaron Miles question....

Chicago Tribune's Chicago's Best Blogs award