Goatriders of the Apocalypse

Pestilence v. Comcast SportsNet Chicago

UNITED STATES DISTRICT COURT
NORTHERN DISTRICT OF ILLINOIS

GOATRIDER, PESTILENCE,
FOR AND ON BEHALF OF ALL CHICAGO CUBS FANS WATCHING THE CUBS GAME ON 3 JUNE 2008 AT 00:04.

Plaintiffs

v.

COMCAST SPORTSNET CHICAGO,
UNNAMED PRODUCER OF COMCAST SPORTSNET CHICAGO,
UNNAMED CAMERAMAN OF COMCAST SPORTSNET CHICAGO,
KASPER, LEN,
BRENLY, BOB,
BARRETT, MICHAEL,
WOOD, KERRY,
MARMOL, CARLOS,
GONZALEZ, ADRIAN,
SAN DIEGO PADRES,
CHICAGO NATIONAL LEAGUE BALL CLUB,

Defendants.

COMPLAINT
(Jury Trial Demanded)

Plaintiffs, by and through their undersigned attorneys, for the Complaint in this action, hereby allege as follows:

INTRODUCTION

1. This action is filed by the victims of unnecessarily dramatic coverage of the final out of the Chicago Cubs game started on June 2, 2008 and finishing shortly after midnight on June 3, 2008. Plaintiffs are the loyalest of Cubs fans, brave enough to stay up after their bed time in hopes of witnessing the Cubs' eighth consecutive victory. The defendants together conspired to perpetrate unnecessary drama at the end of said game.

2. Pestilence is a Chicago Cubs fan who suffered heart failure immediately before the final out of the game was recorded. Pestilence is filing this action on behalf of the hundreds of thousands of viewers who are likely to have suffered similarly. Pestilence and the undersigned attorneys will seek to elevate this matter as a class-action complaint.

3. Comcast Sports Net Chicago is the broadcast outlet that aired the game in the greater metropolitan Chicago area, and select households subscribing to MLB EXTRA INNINGS.

4. Carlos Marmol is the Chicago Cubs pitcher who set the table for the unneccessary drama by allowing two runners to reach base before grooving a pitch over the heart of the plate.

5. Adrian Gonzales is the San Diego batter who crushed said grooved pitch into the seats closing the 4 run lead to 1 run.

6. Michael Barrett is the San Diego Padres catcher who is primarily responsible for the underlying action that caused the unnecessary drama. Barrett is a former Chicago Cub who left the team under dubious circumstances. Had his warning track flyball been a home run, the emotional scarring of this home run would have been more significant than if another Padre, who had not been a former Cub, had tied the game. Barrett has a propensity for hitting dramatic home runs.

7. Kerry Wood is the Chicago Cubs closer who relieved Carlos Marmol. Wood also hung the slider that Michael Barrett hit for a warning track flyball.

8. The Unnamed Comcast Cameraman filmed the 9th inning of said game. This cameraman willfully filmed a much higher trajectory of the flyball than was necessary. Due to this high trajectory camera angle, hundreds of thousands of Cubs fans were momentarily led to panic as they assumed Michael Barrett's warning track flyball was indeed of home run distance sufficient to reach the Western Metal Supply Co. warehouse far beyond the left field fence.

9. The Unnamed Comcast producer chose to use the unnamed cameraman's feed of the flyball. This decision contributed to the heart attack suffered by Cubs fans everywhere.

10. Len Kasper and Bob Brenly are the Comcast announcers who emphasized the unnecessary drama by not reassuring viewers early enough that the baseball would remain within the confines of the playing field.

Classic!

I never knew legal writing could actually be humorous. You made my day. Let's hope that it'll be 9 after tonight's game.

Theroit v. DeRosa

Wait, don't tell me - Colin would've rather had DeRosa interview Cesar Izturis.

I hate it when they do that too.

FOX's overuse of this little trick is one of many reasons that I hate hate hate their coverage of the post-season.

I've gone a whole week without saying a negative thing about...

...Captain Scrappy, so far as I recall. Just checked - yep, May 26th:

http://www.goatriders.org/how-bad-is-soriano-defensively

(My opinion on Theriot hasn't changed substantially, and so I find it rather boring to talk about any more. Oh, look, he's still an overexposed utility player! Maybe if I get really bored this afternoon I'll publish my list of things he's still bad at.)

And actually, I wanted Adam Everett.

The San Diego Broadcast

I had to watch it on mlb.com so I had to listen to the San Diego broadcast instead of Len and Bob so I don't know how they reacted to the ball once it was hit by Michael Barrett. But it had to be ten times better than how the Padres announcers reacted. I am in no way understating this when I say they reacted the same way Len sounded when Aramis hit the game winning homerun against the Brewers last year except for that instead of reacting that way once the ball cleared the fence, they decided to celebrate in this way immediately after the ball left Barrett's bat. Not only did this give me a heart attack but it also made me want to punch both of them in the face even after Reed Johnson had caught the ball before it even made it to the warning track. The only thing that stopped me was how they regressed to depression in about .2 seconds afterwards.

overexposed utility player

Well, sure, in many ways he'd be better off as a utility player long term. But can you really say that the Cubs could reasonably have anyone doing better at short right now than Theriot? I mean, even Cedeno has cooled considerable in May while Theriot keeps on chugging along.

Is he really *so* bad on defense as to mitigate a .400 OBP?

And he's costing the league minimum (or close, anyway). Sure, his stats will probably go down, but as of right now you can't hardly complain, right?

Let's compare.

Cedeno, May: .225/.311/.250, 45 PAs
Theriot, May: .308/.407/.337, 123 PAs

Both of them have "cooled down," although Cedeno more than Theriot. I think more honestly that neither of them were as good as their Aprils, and we're seeing something of a correction. But we don't really know for sure what Cedeno would have done with more playing time.

And what you're really asking is, can Theriot's poor defense offset his .325/.407/.392 batting line? Because as nice as his OBP is, his slugging is attrocious. Well, I just ran the numbers again, and (as of this morning) Theriot is the worst defensive shortstop in the NL.

I had to doubletake on that one - I've had him as bad so far this season, but not as bad as Reyes and Keppinger. STATS, Inc.'s ZR has him as second worst among qualified shortstops, with only J.J. Hardy worse. (I don't trust STATS, Inc's numbers on Hardy, incidently - the Brewers do a lot of odd things with fielder positioning that RZR captures better than ZR.)

How reliable are these numbers? I'd say pretty reliable. We're talking 129 BIZ opportunities for Theriot, which is enough to be a meaningful sample size. Obviously you'd want more data, and should regress to the mean. But to the best of my ability to measure defense in-season, Theriot has been exceedingly poor.

So yes, I think his defense has been poor enough to be a major issue for the team.

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