I have to admit, I sort of didn't want to write this post (insert joke about your not wanting to read it. Mean, hurtful joke, that is). You see, I didn't write a series preview for the Cubs last set with the Diamondback and look what happened. They swept. And normally I'd call this just the usual coincidence that's bound to pop up during a 162 game season, but this isn't the first time I've affected reality with my posts. Whenever I insult a pitcher going up against the Cubs, what happens? They dominate the Cubs. And if I compliment the pitcher? Cubs rock. And so now I say nothing? Sweep. Question? Answer.

So consider this a non-series-preview. This is a post, nothing more. I will present the matchups, yes, but I will remain commentary neutral. Consider me beige. I'm Switzerland. Or is it Sweden? South Dakota? Well, I'm whichever one is most neutral.

But before I get onto the matchups, let me just say that I'm totally stoked that Gallagher is going to get a shot at the rotation. Aside from Zambrano, Gallagher has to the best stuff of all the potential starters. His fastball is electric and his breaking ball is outstanding. Once he learns control* and the art of pitching, he should be outstanding. That being said, onto the non-series-preview...

(* must. resist. quoting. star wars.)

Cubs vs. Padres

The Matchups

Monday, May 12th, 7:05 PM CT

Randy Wolf vs. Carlos Zambrano - I've never really understood the hold Wolf possesses over the Cubs, but a hold he has. Regardless of how his season is progressing, he always seems to handcuff the Cubs. And then I go to look up the stats and find that this is in no way true. However, if there's one thing I've learned from the election year, it's that saying something makes it true. So Wolf dominates the Cubs. It's a fact.

With Carlos, on the other hand, I don't need to look up stats. I know that he rocks. I know this the same way I know everything: I read it in the stars. This hasn't worked too well for my investments, but it's been gold when it comes to Big Z.

Tuesday, May 13th, 7:05 PM CT

Shawn Estes vs. Jason Marquis - Immovable rock meet irresistible force. Irresistible force, immovable rock. Moving on...

Wednesday, May 14th, 7:05 PM CT

Jake Peavy vs. Ted Lilly - Ah yes, a marquee matchup (well, a Lilly matchup, but you know what I mean). Jake Peavy is the loan bright spot on a sputtering San Diego team and Ted Lilly has been awesome of late. It's actually pretty impressive that Peavy has managed a 4-2 record given the ineptitude of the Padres offense, but that's just the kind of pitcher Peavy is. The good kind.

This should be a great matchup as, while Lilly is no Peavy, the Padres aren't exactly the '27 Yankees. And yes, I'm referring to the present-day '27 Yankees. You know, the dead ones.

Thursday, May 15th, 1:20 PM CT

Greg Maddux vs. Ryan Dempster - Woo Hoo, Maddux returns! We love Maddux! Wait, what? Nevermind, we're rooting against Maddux. We're rooting for the Cubs. I have to try and remember that.

But once Maddux leaves, he needs to get win 355 as quickly as possible to get Evil Roger Clemens off the leaderboard.

That being said, Go Cubs.