Goatriders of the Apocalypse

Belated Series Preview: Cubs vs. Aw, Who the Hell Cares? (Brewers)

Holy crap, I was wrong.  I was so wrong it looks pathetic!  And it's not even the FUN kind of wrong where everybody who is more optimistic than me is able to say "ahah, Kurt, you douchebag, you were wrong!" 

See, about a week ago I posted my opinion that the Cubs could finish the season with a .500 record.  I know, it was a far cry from the days when I used to say things like, "the end is nigh!  The Cubs are going to win the World Series!"  But, I thought it was realistic.

Then, the Cubs bullpen colluded to strike, the Cubs offense took an early vacation, and the remaining Cubs fans were left holding the bag.  Quite painful.

So -- here's how things look now: the Chicago Cubs are only 9 games out ... of last place.  I'm pretty sure it was somebody on Desipio who suggested that a total, flat-faced collapse would be almost more comforting than any kind of assembled effort to finish the year on a middle note, because like the insanely bi-polar Mel Gibson the Cubs deserve to be hated.  They deserve to be punished for the crap they've put us through.

I mean, Jeezus.  Look at the last 6 games (all losses).  The Cubs have scored 17 runs -- a total that their opponents have, in a single game, eclipsed twice.  TWICE!!  All told, the Cubs have allowed 63 runs to their 17 in those 6 straight losses.  It makes me want to throw up in my mouth, swallow, and throw up again.  Horrible.

But, hey!  They're only 9 games behind the Pirates for the most losses in the NL, and they're 13 games back from overtaking the Orioles.  If any team can lose a lot of games quickly, it's these Cubs!  It's like 1999 all over again!

So, normally this is the part where I write about the upcoming matchups.  Cub 27-year-old rookie Thomas Diamond makes his first ever major league appearance tomorrow.  Ryan Dempster looks to stop the bleeding the day after that.

But the truth of the matter is, despite the Cubs having spent hundreds of millions of dollars amassing the best players money can buy, regardless of the fact that they have now had a decade under Jim Hendry's guidance to build the best farm system in all of baseball, ignoring Hendry's dogged pursuit of Lou Piniella and the best crack coaching staff he could possibly get, the Cubs are an embarrassing team.  They are humiliating us right now.

Don't worry, though.  Tom Ricketts has already assured us concerned Cub fans that Hendry would be back to try again next year.

Thanks, Tom.  While you're at it, would you like to kick us in the balls?

Oh wait.  You already did.

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It's bad. I can only hope

It's bad. I can only hope that next year's roster is full of exciting, new players who hold the belief that they, unlike the thousands of men before them, can bring a Pennant to Chicago

Ricketts statement

Anyone else remember the Ricketts statement about a month ago: "We'll always plan on competing each and every year, toward World Series contention"

How can this be possible? even NEXT year Cubs fans?

1. The Payroll is LOADED with big contracts (let's be honest, getting rid of Milton Bradley last year was a piece of cake compared to the miles on at least 4 contracts we have going into offseason)

2. A platoon system with Soriano, Ramirez, and eventually Byrd MUST be necessary. Colvin's defense is about where Jeremy Burnitz's was and the likelyhood of improving to Fukudome's is still several years away. Who will those platooners, er scrubs be?

3. The pitching is now officially LEADERLESS. After Cliff Lee leads the Rangers to a title, he'll command way too much money (could be to Yankees anyway), and the rest of the 2011 crop is poor when you really look at the list.

4. 1st basemen in 2011 list is also poor. There just isn't anyone reliable like DLee and I wouldn't be surprised if he signs a cheap contract for 1 more year and hangs it up after that. (he might be doing us a favor after all)

5. And the crux of it all — the manager and staff. Jaramillo is obviously not going anywhere, but surely everyone else, should be out the door if we finish down there even close to the Pirates in games. For a last place team, the staff is just as responsible for underachieving players (with no real injuries all season, except Ramirez). Quade, Rothchild, 1B coach, yes even Trammell—out the door with Lou. We'll be fine finding replacements, it's simply time to start over.

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