Belated Series Preview: Cubs vs. Aw, Who the Hell Cares? (Brewers)
Holy crap, I was wrong. I was so wrong it looks pathetic! And it's not even the FUN kind of wrong where everybody who is more optimistic than me is able to say "ahah, Kurt, you douchebag, you were wrong!"
See, about a week ago I posted my opinion that the Cubs could finish the season with a .500 record. I know, it was a far cry from the days when I used to say things like, "the end is nigh! The Cubs are going to win the World Series!" But, I thought it was realistic.
Then, the Cubs bullpen colluded to strike, the Cubs offense took an early vacation, and the remaining Cubs fans were left holding the bag. Quite painful.
So -- here's how things look now: the Chicago Cubs are only 9 games out ... of last place. I'm pretty sure it was somebody on Desipio who suggested that a total, flat-faced collapse would be almost more comforting than any kind of assembled effort to finish the year on a middle note, because like the insanely bi-polar Mel Gibson the Cubs deserve to be hated. They deserve to be punished for the crap they've put us through.
I mean, Jeezus. Look at the last 6 games (all losses). The Cubs have scored 17 runs -- a total that their opponents have, in a single game, eclipsed twice. TWICE!! All told, the Cubs have allowed 63 runs to their 17 in those 6 straight losses. It makes me want to throw up in my mouth, swallow, and throw up again. Horrible.
But, hey! They're only 9 games behind the Pirates for the most losses in the NL, and they're 13 games back from overtaking the Orioles. If any team can lose a lot of games quickly, it's these Cubs! It's like 1999 all over again!
So, normally this is the part where I write about the upcoming matchups. Cub 27-year-old rookie Thomas Diamond makes his first ever major league appearance tomorrow. Ryan Dempster looks to stop the bleeding the day after that.
But the truth of the matter is, despite the Cubs having spent hundreds of millions of dollars amassing the best players money can buy, regardless of the fact that they have now had a decade under Jim Hendry's guidance to build the best farm system in all of baseball, ignoring Hendry's dogged pursuit of Lou Piniella and the best crack coaching staff he could possibly get, the Cubs are an embarrassing team. They are humiliating us right now.
Don't worry, though. Tom Ricketts has already assured us concerned Cub fans that Hendry would be back to try again next year.
Thanks, Tom. While you're at it, would you like to kick us in the balls?
Oh wait. You already did.